GIVE UP OR NOT ?

Move on and keep very strong boundaries. He has made it clear. He doesn’t want a relationship with you for whatever reason. Don’t accept less than what you want from him or any other guy… if they say “I only want to be friends” treat them as you would a friend and keep firm to that boundary. Don’t muck it up by allowing it to be a friends with benefits, situationship, or whatever other term is used now for a friendship with all the benefits of a relationship without actually having a relationship. He’s backed off because as a friend he probably doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

It’s hard especially when you miss them and the friendship. But until you can hang out with him on only a platonic level you will just be torturing yourself by hoping for more.

Unfortunately, he knows what he really wants, as he’s told you he doesn’t want a relationship. This is nothing personal, there’s a type of non-committal guy who does this with the women who will accept “less than” behavior. And they’ll keep doing it for as long as those women allow it (it’s not even about gender, certain types of women will do this to men as well!). When words and actions don’t line up, always believe the “worse” of the two.

He’s not going to change or want a relationship. He’s actually doing you a favor by flaking out on you the minute you express yourself. It’s no longer easy for him to have his way, and the minute you have needs he bails. That’s important information for you to have! This isn’t because you expressed your needs or that there’s anything wrong with them. But the incompatibility is you’re asking him for more than he can give and you do not want the same things.

You deserve better than to choose someone who doesn’t want the kind of relationship you want. Do not reach out again, or the same thing will happen over and over. Heal from this and eventually try to meet new people who won’t see you as a FWB. If they even try to start with casual, are inconsistent, say they don’t want a relationship, then leave quickly and cut them off to keep yourself open and emotionally available for someone who wants to AND can show up for you! This type of situationship you’ve been in is a waste of time. And it’s okay, now you’ve learned that, and that you want more from a relationship. It’s okay to miss him and mourn and move forward when you’re ready. There’s something better out there for you!