Giving space, but missing him terribly…(Guys help too!)

Hi A,
I do get that, but i have a feeling he said that in the beginning of the relationship as a sign that he is not ready to commit. But that’s my opinion from the outside. from my experience even a guy who is going through a rough patch is able to open up and will seek out a place to get away from stress with a girl he feels good with. Meanwhile the not being together interferes with his bonding proces. So i really don’t see this as a relationship going further. This relationship is 3/4 months old and i have a hard time believing he is holding back to get his ducks in a row. I do believe a guy will do that if he is thinking about the next step, but that’s way too early. I’m sorry lynn, i really think he is stringing you along.

I actually think refraining from constantly initiating contact works. He’s slowly coming back to me, more contacts and asking for dinner even if he needs to continue working later on. I used to watch him practice (his sports) after that, but I stopped because it’s usually until midnight.

@Newbie
Our conversation is more than just his work. He never fails to ask about me and even remember the little things I told him. He’d follow up with me on my issues about work, friends, etc. How can he friend-zone me when we always get intimate in between talks? He can’t get his hands off me every time lol. He’s also the type of guy who says what he means. He wouldn’t promise something if he knew he couldn’t do it, be it work, sports, to friends or to me. When he said he wanted this relationship and how much he likes me, I believe him. Things work pretty natural between us because of our great attraction, chemistry and passion…and he actually started the whole bf/gf thing.

I do appreciate your advice :) However, at the meantime I’m still a happy person and my life’s pretty good so far. I really don’t have much to concern about apart from him. I think the only time I could see his TRUEST color is when it’s my turn to struggle a crisis (hopefully I won’t have one!). I guess… there’s not much choice except time will tell if I could go on with this relationship. After all, time is what he needs to settle his problems. I just don’t want a potential relationship to go into waste.

I’m a strong believer of “Love Yourself”. If loving this man makes my life a misery, then I would stop. Easier said than done I know… that’s why we need a community like this–to support each other!

Kaye, you would also read stories from Eric and many more guys out there where their gf dump them at their lowest point. Another dating coach, Evan Marc Katz also talked about how his ex gf left him when he failed his business and needed her the most. The woman who stick by his worst is now his wife.

It’s all case by case I would say.

Some men are worth the wait, some not.

@Lynn
All I can say is, trust your own instinct whether this man is worth your wait. If you sense anything wrong, believe that.

I believe you’re a great person, an awesome girlfriend in fact. I really hope to hear a success story from you honey.

@Kaye
That reminds me how he would always hold me tight with endless kisses and says his stress just melt away every time he’s with me… but only for temporary cause they’re back as soon as I’m gone!

I miss that.

Hi Lynn,

Your story is really interesting… because it’s such ashamed if a relationship didn’t work out because of his career situation.

I’ve to agree with A. Your relationship will be the most beautiful if you successfully stick by with the right man during his weakest point. When things are better, he’ll never let you go. I want to add on that this happens a lot to entrepreneurs. I know because I’m married to one. It wasn’t easy at all in the beginning. He was just starting up with no money, bills to pay and debt was constantly increasing! Countless last minute cancellation on dates, not seeing each other for 2 months, zero phone calls and text for weeks. Almost had it at one point… maybe twice, or thrice, I forgot. So much tears and yelling. But we managed to work things out because we truly love each other. Been together for 5 years now and his business is flourishing. He has more time to be with me now, but still very busy! However, even with all the circumstances, he loves me dearly. Many times, he would compromise so we could be together.

It’s a bit difficult to share deeper with you because English is not my first language. But I can tell you that there is such man that is worth to stick by and wait.

I wish you nothing but the best =)

A,

I’m speaking from experience. My boyfriend and I broke up over a year ago because he was having a crazy stressful time with work and I was adding to his stress by being needy and wanting more of his time. I pushed and he told me he couldn’t give me what i needed right the and we broke up. Then a month after the breakup he came and told me that maybe when things got less crazy for him we could try again. That’s when I found this site and realized my fault in the breakup and what I needed to do to improve myself. But there were things he needed to change to. I still believe if I had not done what I did and instead decided to sit back and accept crumbs from him for months that there is no way he would have stepped up to where he is right now and committed to me and made me a priority and be talking forever together. Which he said again just last night. :) What incentive would he have had to do that? If I would have sat back and accepted whatever little bit of attention he gave me gladly why would he have felt a need to change things? He wouldn’t.

Lynn,

Please don’t get me wrong here. I really am rooting for you with this relationship!! Truly! I just don’t want to see you deluding yourself or being taken advantage of. If this isn’t making you happy and your needs aren’t being met then sitting back and saying nothing isn’t doing yourself any favors.

@Newbie @Moon @Kaye
Thanks a lot ladies, these are things I know I need to hear. I take your advice seriously. No matter what, I will always put my own happiness first. The moment I feel that this won’t work, sad, miserable, or not the same ol’ me anymoer, this has to stop.

Kaye, that’s exactly what I was about to do–a talk about this situation, but I held back last week. I’ve not shown any neediness or pushiness, which he really appreciates.. he was really thankful that I’m being so understanding. He’s very well aware of how his issues have slow down our relationship and apologize, promise to make it up to me. So much sincerity right there…! I hugged him tight and said it’s okay baby and he kissed me like crazy. Like I said, he’s someone who won’t say what he doesn’t mean, let alone keeping a promise. But if his actions do not match his words, I got to do what I got to do.

Moon, I’m so happy to know that you are with someone fit right now! We ladies often think that we can find no better man than the current guy, but that’s not true.

I think it’s pretty common for people who haven’t get their life together in their 30s or just starting to get stable because of many circumstances. I personally know a few men who struggled in their 30s or even 40s, but because of perseverance, determination with positive thoughts along with faith in God, they’re able to got through the tunnel and those struggles turn them into an even better person. One of them is my dad :)

In a way, I also thank God that this is happening to me at the early stage of my relationship. I believe that crisis is a point where you can see a person’s true nature. Some people married for years only to discover that their husband can be a complete different person when crisis hit. When things don’t go their way, pressures coming from multiple sides, feeling like a loser and the world is collapsing… that’s when a man would show you who he really is.

So far, my bf is still the person I know since the beginning. He’s still gentle, loving, sweet and caring to me. He’s strong and confident. He does have his moments of breakdown when stress becomes overwhelming, but the next minute he would get up and say no point to complain! Even in the beginning of the relationship, he’s been very open up to me about everything–his current state, income, family, friends, secrets, dreams, goals, and fears. Said he doesn’t want to hide anything from me and he wants our relationship to be transparent–something I need, something we’re both so comfortable to share with each other.

To me, red flags are:
1) When doubts creep in around him
2) When he’s starting to act cold/distant
3) When he gets angry/raises his tone like he never did to me (NOPE, NOT EVEN A LITTLE, I CAN’T TOLERATE LOL)
4) When he takes advantage of me–be it financial, labor, service or whatever you called .
5) When other women come into the picture (not his mom lol) –this red flag is an absolute NO condition to me.

So far so good, he never did any of these… yet :D
That’s the reason why I choose to stay with him.

@RCS
Yes, my actions would be different too depending on the situation. Right now, he has shown nothing but consistency of his character. If he’s doing all the red flags I mentioned, then… too bad. Thanks for the sweet confidence boost! I feel we are very much alike when it comes to being a lover.

@Mira
Thank you! Your story inspires me to keep believing because you know he’s worth the wait.

Aww thank you so much jake… :)

I understand not many girls could wait for their man to come around for that long. I’m not sure myself either.. Depends on how the guy is along the way! Only him alone can show to me whether it’s worth to wait for him.

I hope you’ll find a person that fits, someone who deserves your whole world.