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- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 2 months, 2 weeks ago by
Maddie.
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Bella
I’ve been seeing this guy for the last 3 months and he first told me that he doesn’t want a relationship right now because he just got out of a relationship and needs some time before jumping into a new one. Just a few days ago, he told me that he “does really like me” and that he’d like to “try a relationship with me in the future.”
In the meantime tho, we’ve been seeing each other as friends with benefits for the last few months
We see each other often – several times a week. In the beginning, we never did PDA. But the last time we went out, he initiated PDA. He put his hand on my knee, then held my hand, and we kissed a little. I’m trying not to get my hopes up that he’s starting to move into wanting a relationship with me, but its starting to feel that that’s where this is going.
He texts me every day. Starts the day with a “good morning (kissy face emoji)” text. Then went to sending “good morning (lips emoji).” In the last few days, he’s changed to “good morning (tulip emoji)” text. Is the change from lips to a tulip a good thing or a bad thing? Like, is that more like he’s losing interest? He still sends the lips emoji when he says goodnight each night.
Raven
You’re trying to decipher this through emojis?!
Maddie
You need to listen to his words and make sure they match his actions, not decipher emojis. If his words and actions don’t match up, or if they do match in that he’s saying and acting like he doesn’t want a relationship, then he’s not trying to be your boyfriend. That’s how you can decipher things.
It sounds like he may actually be coming around, but the bigger question is why did you start this off accepting something casual when that’s not really what you wanted? That question isn’t to make you feel bad, it’s just to make you think about it. You shouldn’t let men call all the shots and make the decisions for you in dating, your needs are important too. In the future, don’t accept less than what you want. Leave if the other person isn’t giving it to you because they want something different, as often that doesn’t end up changing and instead becomes a power struggle. It’s far less stressful to date the person in front of you than trying to date their potential.
In this case, if he starts to move things forward in a meaningful way like he said he wants to, figure out how long you’re willing to give him to date for real. Walk away if that amount of time passes and you’re still in a situationship instead of building a committed relationship. People who are emotionally unavailable can string you along forever if you allow it. Getting distracted by texts takes you away from seeing the bigger picture, which is deciding if the situation is working for you and if he’s all talk or he’s for real and ready to move forward with you.
Tallspicy
Yikes. You should have told him to come back when he was open. You have been warned. Words and actions must match and the one less committed is the one you trust. Always trust the less committed. He is getting the girlfriend experience without earning a girlfriend. You have given him a pass to do whatever….
AngieBaby
Bella. Men don’t “upgrade” someone from hook-up to GF to wife. It’s extremely rare.
NEVER audition for the role of GF. That’s what you’re doing, unfortunately. And now you think you’re close to getting the part. If you start pushing for or assuming more commitment, you will be reminded that he told you right up front he wasn’t ready for a relationship. You fell for a common bread crumb – “I’d like to try having a relationship with you in the future.” That’s said to deliberately give you false hope and keep you on the line for NSA sex. What will happen is he will start dating other women and when he finds the one he wants for a relationship, he will dump you so fast it will make your head spin.
Worth repeating for everyone on this site: IF A MAN SAYS HE’S NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP (FOR ANY REASON) AND THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT, YOU ARE A MISMATCH AND YOU WALK AWAY. You do not stick around and be “friends” hoping he’ll change his mind because you’re so awesome. You tell him to contact you at the point in the future when he is open to a relationship and then you get him out of your phone. And you do NOT stay in touch. No checking in to ask how you’re doing or he’s doing. He doesn’t exist until he steps forward and says he wants to date you because he’s interested in being with the right woman and he wants to give it a chance with you.
Try to decode emojis is a sign you are too far in. Re-read what Maddie and Tall said. And then call him or meet him and tell him you’ve been doing some thinking and you realize the two of you are not on the same page and you want to be free to date men who are open to having a relationship, so you need to end this. He’s welcome to contact you at the time he feels he’s ready for one. Until then, it’s best for all contact to stop. He will probably argue or pout or tell you “but I”m almost there” and you do not fall for that, you get up and you walk away. Otherwise you’re going to get a call or text one day from him telling him he’s met someone else so he can’t see you anymore.
Do it to him before he does it to you, babe. Don’t let men use you like this. You deserve much better.
Maddie
“He will probably argue or pout”
Absolutely. I had a guy do that to me because he told me he’d never see me as more than FWB, plus I already decided we weren’t compatible anyway. But it still made me feel bad he was trying to get me to stick around after I said I was leaving.
The woman he really wanted the whole time (which I obviously didn’t know about when we were involved!) finally came around to dating him NINE DAYS after I ended it. I saw through a mutual friend’s social media post years later that they ended up getting married. So don’t fall for crocodile tears and empty words if you do decide to walk!
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