Good night/good morning etc

Be careful of ultimatums, they mostly backfire…

You’ve been with him almost a year. Maybe he’s not a big texter?

Hopefully, you’re not waiting by the phone to hear from him. What are you doing to fill Your time?

You are obviously unhappy…
Take a step or two back & wait & see what happens.

I agree with the advice so far, except that the answer to improve things is living together. That doesn’t make things better if they are already rocky to begin with and you’re not already both on the same page. What this sounds like it’s really about is it’s been a year and things are not progressing at a speed you’re comfortable with, and you’re attempting to gauge the relationship using texts as an indicator and for validation. Texts are not good for this, especially after a year of dating. The relationship should be about escalating in-person connection over time, and these conversations should be over the phone or in person and not so difficult as it sounds like he’s making them. You’re communicating your wants (he’s already introduced you to his kids, so there’s nothing unreasonable about you telling him you want to get to know them better after a year), and he’s neither taking your wants seriously afterwards nor increasing how he’s integrating you into his life. That should be enough to give you pause and reconsider what you want because that doesn’t sound like serious relationship behavior from him, which is why you should pull back. He can say whatever he wants, like verbally dangling this carrot of you can get a house together eventually, but if his actions don’t match then things aren’t really going anywhere. He’s either got to step up, or not (if he doesn’t, then you don’t want the same things out of a relationship and aren’t compatible), but the underlying problem isn’t actually the texting mismatch.

He’s not asking about my day or how I am. I think he thinks I’m too much of a sure thing. He has the kids until Thursday and is going to a resort town for work a day earlier than I would normally see him. I asked if he wanted me to meet him up there he said I would have to drive separate and he is likely staying until Tuesday. That’s our week together Fri-Fri morning. And he is choosing to spend Thurs-Tues (over Memorial Day that I have off) possibly not even spending it with me. Then we would just have 2 nights together.

Buy your own bed!

how far do you live from each other ? I am sorry to say but it seems like he is no longer interested, he is just waiting on you to get a hint. I have been there and he is literally pushing you away. My bf is not a big texter but he still texts everyday and yes there are days when he disappears for 2-3 hours but nothing like your bf is doing.
Question is why are you with him? what is so special about him? I know it hurts knowing that if you stop initiating , you might never hear from him again.
Also about the kids, please don’t believe when men say they are so busy with kids they can’t text, because trust me , people find time for who they want. You can’t compete with his kids, but again you shouldn’t feel the need to , because you’d be equally involved in his life.
Why do you feel the need to send him love you texts everyday?

Actions speak louder than words.

You see him once every couple of weeks and he’s not actually taking any steps to increase that in time or effort. That sounds pretty casual in reality, regardless of what he said. He keeps putting up roadblocks: you moving closer, but him saying he won’t come over; him switching up his plans for the holiday weekend to NOT spend time with you; doesn’t text because of the teens; doesn’t make any effort to have you spend time with the teens… etc.

Just curious…Are you a lot younger than him? This sounds like you’ve made your whole life focused on him. Also, it gets really tough to maintain a relationship when all the focus is on how one partner keeps letting the other partner down.

Stop waiting for him, start making your own decisions — get your own bed, do your own thing, back off and just let him be to figure things out for himself. And reclaim your own goals/hobbies and how you spend your time. Become interesting to yourself again. :)

So far all your posts suggest that its only you who’s taking all the efforts to keep this relationship going. He doesn’t seem much invested in this relationship with you. I think he’s already on his way out or taking you for granted.

To be sure of his intentions, I think instead of confrontation or ultimatums, you should stop initiating contact and stop making plans for meetings. Besides you guys just meet twice a month and that also because you are the one who makes plans. Pls step back and let him make plans for meetings. Also stop initiating chats with him and let him initiate chats as well.

I think if you that you will know for sure just where you stand and where this relationship is heading. all the best.

Oh my! If you think communicating like that is going to get a good outcome, you are mistaken. Here are your options:

A. Have a real conversation and tell him you are feeling disconnected wheb you see certain types of behavior and want to explore where he is at. This is the secure adult thing to do. Then decide if this is something you want.

B. Pull back and just let him lead. Not a fully secure adult thing to do, but again you will see from him actions if he comes towards you energetically.

But under no circumstances keep doing passive aggressive crap like you usually text me. Nothing good will come from that other than resistance.

And start working on keeping your own emotions safe with being ok no matter what.

I love that phrase, wine from a stone. How true, so true. :)

So yesterday I told him I got his birthday off and the day after it. He had told me that he usually spends it with his kids but could see me with them this year. Well, he never responded and was on ig all night. I thought he’d say cool and apologize for ignoring me all morning. Nothing. I wrote around 3:30 Call me tonight. I noticed he was on ig a lot when I was. No reach out or ok. At 8:20 he said he had been running around all day and would call me soon. I didn’t say anything. I turned off my phone and went to bed at 9:00. He called around 9:10 and left a normal message and said good night love you. Today I have him basically silenced. I’m trying not to reach out. He said “good morning 😘” about an hour later I said “good morning :)” then a few hrs later he texted 😘 I didn’t respond. A couple hours later he wrote to say our mattress had arrived and I said “oh cool” a while after he texted. I sent him a fedex link showing sheets were on the way and he said what’s that? I told him sheets. He wrote ahhh around 1230. I posted a pic of me on ig later and he liked it. He has yet to firm up plans for the weekend and I don’t intend to do so. Next week is our week together. He had said Friday but we haven’t really talked. He changed his plans. He said he’s going up to the resort town Sunday and I said am I coming with? He said yes. I don’t know if he’s still planning to stay up there on our one week on/off arrangement camping “alone” part of the week. I don’t intend to ask. He has been off and on ig all day but that was the extent of texting—about the bed. Nothing about the weekend. Nothing about anything else. My friends all think I should leave him and all his happy hours for just his office are bs and him not apologizing for not texting me is bs. They even recommended ghosting him because I’m obviously not a priority. Tomorrow is his son’s graduation from middle school. His ex wife is bringing her fiancé. He didn’t ask me to come. He had a dresser put in his closet for me by his son a couple weeks ago. I asked if he told his son it was mine. He said no. I feel like he wants a casual gf and me taking his birthday off will blow his cover. Which is why he didn’t mention it or say he was happy about it. I refused his call after 9:00 because I was tired and didn’t want to be angry. Today he sort of reached out, but I’m just kind of waiting to see his actions and not pursuing. My friends thing he is a liar.

And your friends are not helping. They are winding you up.