Got drunk and unleashed on a guy Ive been seeing for a month

Your first problem is that you are trying to rush his feelings, to match yours, and that is never a good strategy to use with men, or people in general. When you really like a guy, then add *sex* into the mix, for women, its a pressure cooker of *feel good* hormones surging through your body, clouding your mind, making you overly emotional, and eventually explode (the crazy comes out) because you are no longer able to suppress it.

Men don’t get or feel these hormonal surges the way woman do, and have no idea what it feels like, because women secrete the same hormones during sex that they secrete during childbirth which is what bonds them to not only their newborn child but mate (man) as well—its very potent stuff that men do not experience or feel at all because they aren’t capable of giving birth. Because they don’t experience sex the way woman do, this is why men can easily have sex, with a different woman, every day of the week, and never develop any emotional feelings, bond or attachment to them. This is what trips so many woman up today because they believe men feel the same way woman do during/after sex, and why woman are failing so horribly today.

This is one of the biggest differences that sets men, and woman apart, and why sex can really muck things up if you are not in control of your emotions. Men fall in love *outside of the bedroom/sheets*, by engaging in non-sexual activities, to the point the lady consumes his mind, and the thought of her not becoming a part of his life would be painful or unbearable. That’s when you know a man is, or has, fallen in love with you because he won’t let a day go by without telling you how he feels, and is compelled to be around you as much as he can, without you needing to do anything but be your natural self. Pretending to be someone your not for the sole purpose of manipulating a guy into something, such as a relationship, is not a good long-term strategy but the pathway to a short-term windstorm.

These types of incidents are only recoverable IF the man has created a strong enough *emotional bond* (aka “love”) to the woman, that he is able to forgive, forget, and the two of you can move on from it without ever talking about it, or bringing it up again. The best way out of these situations is to apologize ONCE, then leave the guy alone so he can have the space/room to decide if he want’s to re-engage with you again, or not. If he really misses you (can’t get you out of or off his mind), then you have a small shot at recovery, as long as you don’t talk about it ever again, able to let it go, and stop any further attempts at trying to push him into having feelings that he doesn’t feel for you, or hasn’t felt yet. If he does accept your apology, I highly suggest you stay out of the sheets with him, and just get to know each other outside of the bedroom for awhile (month or two), and only when you have clarity on his true feelings, as a man will tell you, if you listen, before you enter the sexual territory again. If its just “a friendship”, as he will say that if that’s how he truly feels about you, then do not sleep with him again!

If he can’t get that bad experience out of his mind, then its unrecoverable. Because of your living situation he *may* try to make nice so there’s no neighbor drama but he will create a lot of distance with you, draw a boundary, and at that point you’ll know you crossed the unrecoverable line with him. At this point your ONLY step is to take the “out of sight, out of mind” approach with him, so you can move on with your life with someone else when the next guy, who’s hopefully smitten with you more than you are him, comes along.

Number one, please try to write in paragraphs. It does wonders for those trying to read through what you wrote.

Number two, why are you two even following each other on social media? You’ve only seen this guy a month. I’ll never understand women or men who want to have access to someone’s social media so quickly. It’s like a halfa** way of getting to know someone and also gives them a peek into your world before they’ve even earned it.

Number three, I agree with T from NY, the guy wants out of dramaville and who could blame him. A woman who can’t handle her liquor and doesn’t know her limits isn’t attractive. Plus, if he wanted more from you he would pursue that on his own which he hasn’t.

Leave the guy alone, it sounds like you were just a convenient lay for him anyway since you lived near him and he didn’t have to do any work to get you in bed.

Never again sleep with a man before you are committed, you clearly cannot manage that.

you got wasted
You yelled at him
You had friend drama
You were jealous

This is a whole host of issues each on their own.

each these is enough to derail a burgeoning relationship.

I suggest you let it go.

Leah,

Most of us have said to leave the guy alone. You already told him the next morning that you were emotional and your anger was misdirected.

If you bring it up again, he’s going to be like “wow this girl doesn’t know how to drop things” at least that’s what I’d think.

Give the guy space and if he wants to talk he will reach out to you. Leave him be until that happens.

Thank you all again for reading all this and replying.
This is the latest: He texted me about 3 hours ago and said “I left your speaker on the patio. Did you get it?”

I replied: “I did, thanks. I’m sorry things escalated last week, it was a bit of a blur andI handled it poorly.”

That was about 3 hours ago. I am not sure if he will reach out at all, but, I took responsibility for my part and I hope it was a decent enough way to leave it off. I don’t reach out again of course. But just wanted to keep you guys informed. You’re like my team now lol.

You did good with your response if that’s what you said to him. Now leave it be and live your life. If he wants more from you he will pursue you.

You can always come back here for advice if he reaches back out.

For what it’s worth, I’ve made idiot mistakes too. We all have. I’ve learned to let guys go who didn’t earn me. It’s hard but it’s better than losing your power and dignity. You can do this, you deserve to be loved and pursued. The right guy will do those things.

Honey, you should assume any man who is not your boyfriend is never going to call again, At any point. that way you are pleased when they do.

You need to stop with this guy and work on your drinking, jealousy, friend drama and how you express your needs. You have a lot of emotional work to do for you. Let this guy go.

I doubt you will hear from him. You made a mistake, focus on forgiving you. He was not texting to chat, he did not engage. He was being polite and returned your things. He never intended to have a conversation and you could not Jedi mind trip him into one.

Leah, why did you have to bring it up? When you do this, all you’re doing is reminding him of that bad event, again. I saw no apology nor taking any ownership for your bad behavior in that reply, whereas you would have better off saying “I did, thank you. Hope you are having a nice evening.” You should have owned it from the get go by telling him the next day “I want to apologize for my bad behavior last night. I’m truly sorry, and hope you will forgive me.” THE END. Then left him alone, and never brought it up again.

Rehashing it or beating a dead horse is a foolhardy exercise as *the goal* is to get them to forget the bad experience. You do this by being upbeat and positive, so to start the process of erasing or overriding a negative so they see you in a positive light again (no drama), which is the objective.

Just let it go. He may eventually talk to you, at least at a neighbor/friendship level, if he feels you aren’t going to keep reminding him of that night. Just be upbeat and pleasant from hereon, so you can at least, at a minimum, try to remove any awkwardness due to the fact you live so close to one another. Be kind to yourself, and be kind to him the next time you bump into, see or talk to him again.

I sincerely felt that apologizing was the best way to go about this after he texted me. I was not groveling or annoying him at all. Did I consider the possibility of my bringing up a negative event leaving a blemish is his mind associated with me? Yeah totally!
But if he had or has ANY feelings left for me, he will possibly still reach out down the line. But, if he barely cared anyway and had zero investment then I highly doubt that my apologizing in a text vs telling him I hope his day is going well, will change his mind about me as a partner. I was also reading much of the advise on here and most of these lovely people were in fact suggesting an apology WAS appropriate. The only reason I waited until he texted me to do so, was because I wanted to give him space and time before bringing it up. And frankly, if I had not heard from him within the week, I would have reached out and said the same thing.
I know exactly what you mean about beating a dead horse. My only intention was to do my part, and leave it alone. I feel like I did the best I could.