Home › Forums › How To Get My Ex Back › Got to first date but more confused
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 3 years, 6 months ago by
Erin.
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Mayra
So long story short my ex is dismissive avoidant. I did not figure this out until after the breakup. He did bring up insecurities but I never actually knew how deep they were until one day after him being stressed with side life factors he blew up and broke up w me and said I made him feel horrible about himself. I didn’t beg. Have done very low contact. Once for necessity, second two weeks strict no contact. He answered immediately and was very happy and receptive. We met up for coffee. This is where things really confuse me. He was a mess, has been drug and drink binging most days and you can tell. I actually think he might of been on drugs on our meetup. I would never date a person like that. So I found him unattractive. He did flirt a bit, did little things I was hoping. He kissed me towards the end but almost forcefully so I nicely decline it stop there. He said he felt very rejected. I do want him back but I’m so confused on his actions towards me and where he is right now in life. Do I just wait until he calms down from the partying and hope he reaches out?
Raven
Move on…
He’s got too many issues!tammy
why do you want him back?? just cut him loose.
Maddie
Why would you want him back if you don’t like his lifestyle or avoidance? He’s not going to change and you can’t date potential. Go with your instincts that he’s bad news, even moreso like this, and do what you can to move on. No contact. If you can’t, my question about why do you want him back isn’t rhetorical, and you should explore that deeper within yourself. He can’t be a good partner and give you what you deserve, he’s likely to keep taking things out on you, why put yourself through that and waste your time?
Erin
Date a man’s reality not his potential or intention. What you see is what you get, there is no fine print. He is an avoidant and he is a druggie, that’s his reality, and you don’t like his reality. That means you need to keep it moving. This is non negotiable.
A lot of women are in crappy relationships because they chose to date a man’s potential, they chose to date his intentions but never his reality.
Love and respect yourself enough not to put up with crappy behavior and men who try to project their self loathing and their issues on you and are not trying to be better . They will bring you down with them and you’ll need a lot of therapy to put yourself back together again.
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