Gray area between low interest and REALLY busy/stressed?

Do you think that the factor of it being within an exclusive relationship makes it more plausible? Or the “L” word being said?

There’s also the interesting part of dealing with men where when they say that they don’t want a relationship, they mean it.

Conversely, how likely is it for a man to NOT want a relationship when he says he does? I’ve never PERSONALLY known that to happen. Men ARE usually straight forward, and when they want you, they let you know it.
And I have also had enough experience where I know that a man will not offer up on his own to say “I love you” unprompted. When put on the spot, he will, however, reply in kind when asked.

There are so many factors to consider when entering into relationships these days. One wise lady on here once commented that it’s like a minefield. And it really is.

It sometimes makes me wish I was still married to my narcissitic, alcoholic, cheating ex-husband.

NOT!! lol No no no. Never. But dating IS a pain in the butt these days. ;p;

I’m not even stressing about it. Okay, that’s a lie. lol Maybe a LITTLE.
But I have enough life experience to know what I will and won’t tolerate, and my time tables for those things. It’s all good.

I know who I am, and what I want. :)

Thank you, Juliette. Allllll good. :) :)

This is a very difficult question. my ex would go by for days without texting or calling me but my current bf texts me regardless of how stressed, busy etc. now he works at least 60 hrs a week. it’s hard not to to want to see each other more like before, but hey, i can try to use it as a strategy and get him to miss me more too!

also ask yourself this question, would you rather he have a job then not in this economy?

Hi Pheebs ! I think it a sign of modern day life/problems/stresses/technology that relationships have changed.

I DO think the odd time a guy REALLY likes you but life/timing/circumstances get in the way and he gives ” mixed signals”. No one else really seems to agree with me here, but i do believe in slight mixed signals whilst a guy is sorting his shit out and in giving him a 2nd chance.

I also think guys are lazier these days re dating/putting effort into a lady.. but we also let them away with it.

It was all sooo simple in the “good ole days “

Yes, I believe a man could be really really busy but also interested in a woman. I think you can tell the difference between true busy and lack of interest.

If you answer yes to below then you will probably feel the man is committed to you and will fee loved despite that the man is busy:

Is he committed? Is he exclusive? Is he interested in a relationship and has talked about that prospect with the woman? Has he communicated that he is very busy and will make time on xXx day, to make it up to you? Is he giving the woman the limited free time he has? Has he reached out even if just for a few moments? Is he communicating why he is giving so little along the way so the woman isn’t left to guess?

How likely is it for a man to not want a relationship when he says he does?

Who knows. He could be lying. He could want a relationship but not sure he wants one with the woman he is with. He could want a relationship but change his mind cause he’s so busy or because he’s unsure of the woman. He could change his mind.
There are many possibilities, you can’t mind-read.

If he says he wants a relationship but acts to the contrary then you should ask if he wants a relationship again, cause people are free to change their minds at anytime on what they want or the person they are with. If you assume he said it once it’s true even if all his actions say otherwise then you could waste time. Relationshps thrive on communication.

All good points. I was hoping that Lane and Harley would show up on this! lol Ivy, great contributions as well, and Talllady too.

So many variables, unknowns, and “gut feelings” in different situations.

Personally, I’ve been with guys who wanted to spend lots of time with me, but weren’t interested in a relationship. They said they loved my company, I was a great woman, but they weren’t interested in a relationship at this point in time. They didn’t claim to love me, didn’t go out of their way to keep in contact in between seeing each other, etc. Their words weren’t matching their actions as far as the amount of time and attention they WERE giving me when we were together.
How do I know it was that they just not with ME? Because I have been the springboard for many engagements in my life over these last 6 years. lol OMG, I think 90% of the guys I casually dated went on to get engaged and married to the women they started seeing immediately after me. That messed my head up a bit for a while. lol

Then you have the flip side, where a man is saying that I am the one he wants, he loves me, he sees a future with me, and then life keeps tossing obstacles in the way, all the while he’s asking me to be patient. It’s a matter of whether or not a person is willing to take a gamble when everything else seems right.

yup.. agree with Ivy again. i have accepted LESS in the past and compomised myself.. hence.. relationships NEVER worked out.

I.. have fund VERY few men in my life who can “put up with me ” initially they all LOVE my independence, confidence, joie de vivre, mapcap way of going on.. THEN.. they try to change me… never works out !

In 27 yrs of dating I have only found 2 men that have loved me for me… one is my ex fiance… too coward to try with me again. the second .. my FWb for 18 yrs.. I love him but not “in love ” with him.. anyway.. he’s never faithful !

The possible “3rd” I go back to hopefully meet end Oct.. time shall tell with him. i know he is interested but really busy/stressed at the moment so I am cutting him SOME slack… i gave him mixed signals anyway.

so.. him.. I believe is a grey area to answer your original question. HOWEVER… he has to make his mind up soon… either he wants me or not and shall MAKE time for me.

fund.. meant found

And as far as accepting less….no, I don’t do that anymore.

BUT – as far as a situation like this where the compatibility, etc, is there, but the conditions aren’t quite conducive to a flowing relationship, I’m willing to sit back and see what happens when things ease up.

If things normalize on his end, and still nothing changes, I am outta here. It’ll hurt, but I’ll do it. I’ve done it before, I can do it again.

Phoebe, You wrote it though, I wasn’t projecting, I just read what you wrote. However, great you walked away. And yes we do live and learn. And ok, you wrote it was a pattern that men keep not wanting a relationship and then marry the next girl. That is what you wrote. It’s either a pattern or an exception, accept it.

Pheebs… Mike is WELL out the window. He WAS the love of my life but I could NEVER trust him again.

FRANK.. who knows but I’m ok about him. he has a lot to sort out, My head is screwed on much better since Mike. i’m… being patient.. but NOT doormat. With Mike I was BOTH.

You live and learn. I THINK a time comes with us all… when you KNOW to give up, let go.. i did that with Mike. I will get there with Frank too.. he either continues to mess up.. or step up !

You.. just have to reach that point. Sounds like you are getting there. GREY areas can only BE GREY… for sooo long !