Gray area between low interest and REALLY busy/stressed?

Yup, get those voodoo dolls all set and ready to go! lol

Don’t need the one fashioned in the likeness of my guy yet…..YET. ;)

You’re awesome, Harley! ;)

Thank you Ana. I’m realistic to know fantasy is nice for a while, it’s nice to hope and wish and want and dream otherwise how would we keep getting through life. And sometimes some of our wishes, hopes, dreams come true, other times we face reality eventually and onto a set of new hopes, wants, dreams fantasies. it’s all about knowing what fantasy will stay a fantasy and what fantasy stands a chance of coming true.

Hello. I have been following this post as it seems I was going thru something similar to phoebe. I am not sure what to do at this point. I was also curious if phoebe’s guy was still stepping up. Ok so I will make this quick. I was shopping in April and the manager was helping me then gave me his number we started talking a month later we started dating and he was fun and nice so I started to like him. Here is the but column he is separated and he is raising his two children with help from his mother. He is also a different nationality and religion then I and his mother is not happy about that. I am a professional with no children. So first 2 months were absolutely amazing his job I was 10 mins from my house we went out a few times a week, flowers eat-then he quit his job. He has since found another but ran thru all of his savings and was pretty depressed. He also lives and now works about an hour from me. At first he was great about still making time for me. And he has always been good about staying in touch with text and phone calls. He often says he loves me and wants his future with me. But now he goes weeks without making plans to see me. So my insecurities made me begin to think he is cheating or loosing interest and I told him I wanted to see other people. That seemed to really hurt him next time we went out I refu sex and then he felt maybe I was seeing someone else and suggested we take a break. 2 weeks went by and he messaged me we talked hung out and things kinda went back to normal. Another 2 weeks go by and no mention of hanging out. So I called him and said I need to see more of you. He was like I Jen I love you I will do my best to see you tomorrow. Next day no word so I ask what’s up and he says I am trying I will let you know. Then we go NC for 12 days. Now today he is message me why won’t i talk to him his phone was messed up ect ect. I must say he has done a few things to make me think something suspicious. I have met a few of his friends but none of his family or been to his house and he has never stayed the night. He says he loves me and sees his future children with me. So questions is this a game or could he be for real? Do I stay NC for tonight? For a few more days? Or do I let it go? I probably sound young and insecure, we are both 35. I have just been in bad relationships in past. Any advice is appreciated

Trying for him means arranging for child care, but stefanie I am of that mind set as well if a man really cares he will figure out a way. From reading the stuff on here I also see that we were at that 4-5 month mark where men pull back. I am feeling this rubber band theory. why does it seem it’s almost recommend that guys get a free pass on this behavior?

By the way many on here believe in rubber band theory. I was talking with my husband about this last night. Wanted his opinion and experience. He says he doesn’t buy into it. I don’t either. No relationship I have been in that has been long term ever involved a man pulling back or acting weird after 3 months.. That’s why I asked for his opinion.

He says a man either wants you or he doesn’t. If he’s pulling back he more than likely is figuring out an exit strategy. He admits men are cowards when it comes to letting women go…

They hate to deal with drama or having women asking questions about why they don’t want to see them anymore., thus they do the fade or create a situation in which the woman walks because he isn’t giving her what she wants.

I must say what made him worth it is he treated me like a queen. He has never been bashful about calling me his gf or stating he wants to be with me including to his ex in front of me and he is a great father. And he is smart and skilled But he has to show me he still wants to be in this. My heart is breaking

Jen…you saw that 3 weeks ago we had a ‘come to Jesus’ talk at his initiation after I told that we just weren’t progressing b/c he has too much going on, etc etc.

Things have been better in the sense that he is initiating more, and has done a few things that he hadn’t previously to show me that he was thinking of me. One day he took a screen shot of his computer screen to show me he was listening to my favorite band online at work. Then he sent me a message that he found a book that he thought I would love reading, and asked me if he got it, would I read it.

The situation as far as seeing each other hasn’t improved, but he’s had midterms between then and now…..but I find myself wondering if I got snowed. He lets me know he loves me, but he HAS to find a way to step up showing me. For the time being, I’m still ok with things, b/c I have a lot on my plate right now too, and as much as I would love to see him, it’s a little bit of a “relief” that I have the time to myself….so I understand how he must be feeling with everything he’s juggling in HIS life. He works 10-12 hour days, takes college courses three days a week, and has his son on the weekends.

I had flat out asked him if he saw a future for us at that meeting, and he said that if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be there. I tend to find that if men are trying to escape, they don’t ask to see you to discuss things in person……

Maybe I’m dumb, but I believe him when he says he loves me and wants a future. He is 100% the type of man to speak his mind, and if he didn’t want to be with me, he’d be gone. He has a child with someone, and they tried to be together for the baby’s sake, and it just didn’t work with her….so he left. He takes care of his son, but there is nothing there between the two of them….b/c he didn’t want to be there. He broke of an engagement years ago b/c they were having too many problems, and he didn’t want to be there. If he didn’t want to be with me, he’d be gone. End of story. And I’ve been involved on different levels with enough guys in the 6 years that I’ve been divorced that I know bullshit when I hear it, and I am GONE. And I’m still here. He knows my eventual goal with the right person is marriage. And HE’S still here.

Only time will tell if he fooled me or not. And if he did, I have no one to blame but myself.

They say that men “test us” to see how we’ll react in certain situations….

Well, I do my own testing. In the past, when I was involved with someone that I didn’t feel was into me and the ‘relationship’, whatever it was, I would push them a bit to see if given the opportunity, would they walk. In those situations, I was pretty sure things weren’t going to work out, that they had one foot out the door, so I’d give them a little nudge…ie. saying that things weren’t good, purposefully acting a little needy JUST to see what they’d do. And those guys RAN AWAY. And I’m not talking about acting crazy, but asking to see them a little more, or things of that nature. And if they weren’t invested, they’d just say it wasn’t working, and be gone. Or they’d pull the fade, and I let them.

I guess I sort of did the same thing with my guy now, but it was truly b/c I wanted to see him more, so we could build something together, like HE SAID he wanted too, etc etc. Especially b/c he was the one who first brought up us being a couple, not wanting either of us to be with anyone else, and he said ‘I love you’ first. I gave him a few outs along the way…..and instead of running, he came closer, saying that he didn’t want to give up on us, he just had a lot going on, he loved me, etc.

No other man who wasn’t invested has EVER said any of this before….which is why I am more inclined to cut him slack and see how things progress. B/c I love him too, and I believe that the end result could truly be worth the wait.

Only you can decide if you want to hang on for the ride.

Good luck!! xoxoxo

I think there is some grey area, but it is not nearly as complicated as most women make it out to be. In general, men will make it clear to you if they like you. If you are a priority, they will make time for you in their lives regardless of being stressed or busy or whatever other excuses men give to cover up the fact that they are not interested in a given girl. Occasionally, a man will pull away for genuine reasons. This is particularly true in the beginning of a relationship if the man is dealing with an issue that makes him feel like you are not seeing him at his best. Most men would rather cut off or reduce contact than have a women in whom they are interested see them struggling with their job, finances, family issues, etc. However, whether a man is acting distant because he’s not interested or because of other reasons, the end result is still the same – the man is distancing himself from the woman. I personally don’t mind a guy going into his “man cave” once in a while, but I would not date a guy who made excuses to pull away all the time.

I agree with Lane. Some guys really are busy and don’t have a lot of free time….but if it just keeps on happening,put your foot down and talk about it. If he’s truly interested and sees that he’s going to lose you,he’ll start making changes. I know my guy did. Good luck!

I’m currently dating this Guy who is a single father of two young children who also works a lot, and It seems he hardly has time for me he might text someday certainly not everyday, I can go days without talking to him, and he does try to see me on Saturdays but even when were together he is constantly doing other things, I’m confused sometimes I feel like he truly cares about me other times I feel like he is uninterested and is just string me along to he figures out what he wants. How can I be sure what’s going on and where we stand, I have tried talking to him on numerous occasions but every time he just says he’s a busy and how he has kids to take care of not trying to be pushy or needy but I just don’t understand what’s going on.

Totally agree with you guys!!

In my case, the texting stop after he opened his new restaurant, I really believe that he is really swamped because he has a job at a Bank and after he gets home he needs to take care of his 2 restaurants. He also needs to be in his new restaurant to supervise on weekends. He often gets home at 3-4 am from the new restaurant to get it done, and he kept updating me that before the restaurant was opened. So I know that he really is busy. After it was opened, I guess his focus shifted and I understand. But then how busy should a guy be? Should I be supportive in times like this and contact him, or should I just leave it because as busy as he is, he should be able to keep in touch?