Gray area between low interest and REALLY busy/stressed?

Good for you, Harley. :) My mind is becoming less jumbled with this, and yes, I will reach the point where enough is just enough. I’ve reached it before with others, granted at a faster pace b/c they simply weren’t worth the effort or patience, but I WILL reach it and act accordingly.

I have seen that you have been more centered with Frank. All a learning process, and I know for sure that this site and forum have helped me a lot…..

I always enjoy reading anything you post, Harley. Lots of good advice, and always some laughs. lol

:)

He could genuinely be very busy and stressed but is the type of person you’d like in your life? I personally want to be with a solid man who has gotten his life together. I’ve just ended an intimate connection with a busy and stressed man who seemed to bring so much chaos and destruction into my normally quiet life. Also he was testing the waters with other women, making sure we were “not in a relationship”…

He does keep in contact, and told me that he does so that I know that he IS still interested, and that he isn’t ready to give up. He said that he couldn’t stop me if I was, but that he wanted me to know where he stood.

Not going to make excuses for him, but I know how I get when I am overwhelmed with life, and as a natural introvert, I tend to pull back and withdraw from pretty much everything and everyone until I feel like I can come up for air. He is a LOT like me in a LOT of ways in that respect. I’ve been going through a bit of troubles on my own end (which I haven’t burdened him with, as I tend to handle things on my own), so I haven’t been too affected by this dynamic.

The job situation at least is hopefully going to be mended soon, as he was offered a new position at a new company after being let go from his previous place of employment…which will also take care of his money stresses……

If things don’t normalize after that, well, then it’s going to be time for me to wish him well, and take a stroll in the opposite direction. He knows what I’m looking for in a relationship, I know what he’s looking for, we’ve agreed that we wanted to embark on a relationship together (he was the one who brought it up), and made that step to be exclusive (which he initiated) and have been for months…but words without actions after time just aren’t going to fly. I love him, he said he loves me (he said it first)….so we’ll see.

Harley, I will tippy-tap away in tap shoes! lol

Well, as far as being ladylike, some people deserve to see that side of me.

There have been others who got the steel toed boots in their giblets b/c of the way they treated me/acted towards me. lol

In general, I try to avoid conflict, and can be a bit passive-aggressive, but I’ve learned over the years how to speak up when I need to. And I think there are a few people who wish I’d go back to the way I USED to be. lol Little do they know, they helped me find my voice, and I’m NOT afraid to use it.

I don’t really have too much to lose by seeing if this situation is the odd 2% gray area ends up as something good….within that time frame in my head. ;)

How long has it been going on for? Are you guys in an exclusive relationship, and/or bf/gf?

It’s difficult to read their minds if they don’t tell us what’s going on with them, but as I’ve read on here over and over, the best thing to do is just hang back and let them come to you….and if/when they do, only YOU can decide how you want to handle it.

It’s not easy at all, and I can empathize with you.

The full blown intensity has been about 5 months. The relationship was long distance from the beginning. I stated (from the beginning) I would have to make room in my life. He would ask if I told anyone. Which only a handful including his sister for her blessing (she is the link between us, which I did). He had already stated he was getting a divorce and I said we could only get serious and tell others when that is complete. His sister response was “he’s going to divorce, move back, & marry you. Which really scared me! Never married and no biological children.

I’ve been independent all of my adult life so opening up was new to me. I’m not heartbroken. But, don’t waste my time. I think our conversations were real. We had a recent texting session (just before this change) where I explained one of my strong suits was anticipating needs and fulfilling before the request is made or the need realized (PM background). I’ve asked questions to get a sense of where is head is, but he ignores. So, I am wondering is this a test or my gut telling me were done.

No , we are not on different continents, different states CA and VA. And, no I’m not sure he’s getting the divorce. Can anyone be sure until the paperwork is signed? I know his family including his mother well and I don’t want to be know as the other woman. In this relationship or any other, which was my first response when he made his intentions known. Is there a way to find out?

LA Girl, I’m not discouraged, because I went into this thinking its long distance and I don’t have to give it my full attention since he was not local. He pursued me from the beginning. I even asked when he said he wanted a relationship was he interested in a real relationship or FWB. He responded a real relationship and we would always be friends.
His kids are all adults w/ kids that are in state with me. Until reasonly I could have had a FWB relationship as long as he wasn’t married. I said I don’t like to share, I wanted the ups and downs, and the romance of a relationship.

As for the move, he’s looking for a transfer from his job or finding a new position. I may have scared him by saying “he’s going to make me get my act together.” Which only meant me providing the attention that a full time relationship requires.

Hello Phoebe:
I believe you are on to something here and agree that yes, a man can be interested in a relationship, but is in fact inundated with work/business pressures, ex-wives, single fatherhood, etc. I’m in a similar situation and have decided to ride it out and hope for the best as I care for my man in question and at this point in my life am pliable enough to adapt to the realities of his life. The minute I’ve deduced there’s no hope then I’m out, but for now it’s doable and I’m fine with it.
Best of luck to you and to me, too! : )

OMG, Phoebe!
What a difference a day makes!
My “guy” was supposed to come over to stay the night and when we were talking on the phone he asked me if I had eaten yet. I said yes, but asked him what he would have said if I’d said “no.” He said he would have told me to go ahead and eat and he’d be over later. So, even though his son was not at home he still didn’t ask me to meet him first for a bite.
Anyway, I was feeling very unhappy and couldn’t even make a mental image of myself answering the door and smiling at him. I know I was starting to really see this thing for what it was: nothing
Anyway, when he called to confirm again (Really? Confirming a third time? He just wanted to continue on as he’d done with a clear conscience!)I hesitated and tried to explain that I was having second thoughts and was just not happy. He said I was being “weird again”, got huffy and basically hung up on me. He then texted me saying that he came to the conclusion that I was “too old for him”, I was “kind of weird” and that he didn’t want “to be with me anymore” and not to bother to text him back!
So, now the truth comes out. Oh, I saw the signs alright I just chose not to acknowledge them. I hope I will know better next time and try not to let being lonely blur my judgment.
I hope your outcome is happier than mine.
Take care,
Vicki

Thank you, Harley. Onward and upward now!