Great relationship, feeling lost

Sometimes, people think that longing for someone is feeling true love. This is especially easy to think when you are younger and less experienced, as you are. If you do not long passionately for someone, then it feels like it must not be enough love.

While the feeling of longing can be overwhelming, it is usually a combination of limerance and anxiety, and not actually love. Mature love is choosing to commit to someone every day and building something solid with them. That being said, you shouldn’t force yourself to try to do that if you don’t feel enough attraction or trust (either trust in them or in yourself). However, lack of trust can come from the mental health issues. If you cry a lot without knowing why, there is probably a reason somewhere deep down, but you are still disconnected from it. It is very difficult to be emotionally available for a real, stable relationship when you are feeling that way, and much easier to fantasize about someone you long for but cannot have — who is also unavailable, like you. That feels like passion, but it isn’t the answer either.

It is okay if you’re not ready for a serious relationship right now or if your boyfriend isn’t right for you. That’s why you date and try out relationships, to figure out what and who you want. Your boyfriend sounds great, though I am a stranger and cannot tell you if he’s great for YOU or not. You may need to focus more on your mental health issues than the relationship right now, and if so that’s okay and you need to be nice to yourself about it. Relationships require good timing too, and sometimes the timing just isn’t right when you have to make things right within yourself so you can be a good and available partner. Then you won’t worry about what if? anymore, with either the one who got away or with your current boyfriend, because you will know yourself and what you want well enough to not need to wonder.