Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Guy asking for money?
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Juno.
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Lisa
There this guy that I been seeing for awhile, we been talking for about ten months. We both like eachother and we hung out a couple of times. Well one day he ask if I can do him a favor he asked if I can pay his phone bill for him. Which I found odd, I mean I have no problem helping someone I care about out but the thing is we are not even in a relationship. So for him to ask me for money is weird. This sends a red flag for me. He never asked me for money before I don’t if it’s harmless or if he using me for money or what. What do you? How you feel about a guy asking you for money when he not even your boyfriend? Should I be worried?
Jules
This is an absolute no. Even if he was your boyfriend I think it’s bad that he’s asking you to pay his bills.
I’m wondering what you’re even doing with this guy. Is he a friend? Talking for 10 months and only hanging out a couple of times seems odd.
Bottom line–do not give this guy money, for anything.
Hannah
This is a major red flag with flashing lights all around it!
I don’t think it definitely means he’s using you for money. He may just be stuck financially. But that in itself is a red flag to me. Who wants a man who can’t pay his own bills? Why doesn’t he have anyone close to him he could ask? (My assumption would be he’s already taken money from close family and friends, and they will no longer help him. Unless he has no family and friends).
I would say no. If he still stays around and never asks for money again, there’s no problem. If he starts to fade, you know why!
I would say after 10 months, this relationship doesn’t seem to be progressing very far Iif all you’ve done is hang out a couple of times.
Rose
It’s not so much about the money but the fact that you have only see him twice in ten months… He’s nothing but a guy you talk to. He doesn’t seem interested in you at all.
I would not give him the time of day but it’s you decision.
redcurleysue
When you give anyone money you can normally kiss them goodbye. Most people are in control of their finances and if they are not that is a big red flag.
If you do decide to help him do not expect the money back…figure it is a gift.
Lily
Hi Lisa..
well, He just use you. For pay the bills. Your position is not his best friend too. You know nothing about him. And the fact is.. a Guy that likes you very much… will show how tough they were in front of you. I meant they wouldnt ask you for money, cause its ashamed. Doing that in front of the women they like.. its just like embarrassed action for them. I knew this, cause i have alot of guy friends that told me they will feel so much ashame if women they like need to pay bills that is not her responsibility. Except, if his position is your bestfriend you know everything about, you close with his family, and you know he is in difficult financial, then you can help him. :)Leigh
Don’t give him money and RUN! End of story. Sorry!
Jason
I disagree that ” Most people are in control of their finances”. Though I can only speak for America, and most adults under 50 and many over are dealing with debt, and our slaves to pointless consumerism.
Rose gave the best information, nothing wrong with helping a friend regardless of gender, that is irrelevant. Thing is how much of a friend are they, and don’t ever give with expectations, to anyone including family.
~ Jason
Advice
Don’t give unless you can afford to lose the money.
CalLady
I’ve been with my BF for 18 months, we’re talking about moving in together, and I’d still be hesitant if he asked for money for routine bills – emergency money fine, but the basics hell no. If he doesn’t have the money to pay his phone bill this time, are you going to be paying his utility bill next month, and his car payment after that?
M
yeah, this is a major red flag. Especially since you rarely see each other. Most men wouldn’t even accept money if they needed it. Unless it was a matter of homelessness or something, most men wouldn’t accept money like that, let alone ask for it.
Tami
I am facing the same issue with a friend i meet only for three weeks.i was happy to know him and i was ready to get to know him more and more. Last couples of days, he starts to hint me that his financially broke and he is still waiting for his indemnity from the company he used to work before. And then he keeps telling me that if he come to visit me one day, i will be in charge of his finance ( as a joke ). Yesterday he arrived to my town, then he starts also telling me that he got damage in his car wheel and he needs to replace it. of course, he sent me the bill and it was above 389$. I thought he was joking, but he was dame serious. of course, i gave him an excuse because i starts to feel that he wants to use me to pay his own needs.
My question, why he didn’t ask his family or close friends to help me? Why he came to me!
To be honest, he told me before that some girls if they saw a handsome man on a street and that man came and asked them for a favor like giving them a money, the girls will do that only because he is cute and she wont leave him till she gets his number. so its hints me that he might be one of the guys who ask random girls in street to give him a money and he thought that i will be one of the girls, but he was wrong.. i honestly got turned off and i won’t continue to be his friend any more.
Tami
BTW, that guy drives a Mercedes G Class and he has another four cars..
Hannah
Perhaps he got some.of his money by preying on gullible women? I’m not surprised it turned you off. Please don’t ever, ever give him money.
And who are these guys you know that try to get money off of women on the street?!
Lynne
I’m in this situation now. I met a guy online 2 years ago. After 3 months he asked me for $500 to have his car fixed. We’d still never even met. I was floored and totally disappointed because I’d fallen in love with him. Well I never sent money and he’s still in the picture. We STILL have never met. He’s very overweight and says he’s afraid to meet me because of that. I think that’s just an excuse but why hasn’t he left the scene by now?
LMNOP
Lynne-
NO… just NO
Do NOT give a total stranger money unless:
you are willing to never get that money back
AND
you will not tie your self worth to the fact he never gave the money back
(as in ‘why did he not care about me enough to pay me back’)Even though you say you have known him for 2yrs, this is an ON LINE friendship only.
Real love happens in person, over time, overcoming obstacles and being on the same path together.
You have a pen pal.
Guard your heart.Jill
Last year I met a man who was a “disabled” veteran. No offense to anyone who has served and I am hardly qualified to evaluate a disability, but the red flags were flying from Day One and I wish I had seen them sooner because, ultimately, this was the demise of our relationship. Shortly after we met, he asked me if I could “take him to the store.” I thought that meant give him a ride. Sure, no problem. The ride to the store morphed into giving him a ride and paying for the things he needed there. I liked him, knew he would have his kids that weekend, so didn’t mind helping out a little, especially since I was spending a lot of time at his place. This turned into an early morning call one day that his electricity had been shut off for non-payment. Well, it wasn’t very much money, so I helped him with that too. At this point, it started to seem to me that the only time he called or texted or wanted me around was when he wanted or needed something. He never called to ask about my day, my work or anything else. He didn’t work and became upset when I couldn’t just drop everything (because I do work) to get him what he wanted. I confronted him and he turned it around on me – e.g. “How dare you accuse me of using you?” I immediately felt guilty and regretted my own feelings. When I couldn’t afford to buy his children extravagant gifts for Christmas, he avoided me for the entire holiday. New Year’s Eve he dumped me. I was devastated. Valentine’s Day he asked if we could try again. I considered it, but less than a week later he was asking for bills to be paid again and I said “No” and walked out and didn’t look back. You work hard for your money; don’t let someone take advantage of your generosity. If someone values you, they won’t take the easy way out and ask you for the money, they’ll figure it out on their own.
Elizabeth
Lynne, look up “cat fish”. He isn’t real. Just jerking your chain to see if he can get any money out of you. What would you want with a guy who is very overweight anyway? Cut contact, yesterday!
Anni
Did you ask him why he needed this favor? Is he in financial difficulty now? If that’s the case, I would help him once. Everyone could face financial difficulty at times and need help. Because he is not your boyfriend or even a date, actually make it easier to help as you are just helping a friend. I guess someone tried to use you would ask something more than just a phone bill, he might really need help at this moment.
L
Lynne
Please stop communicating with this guy. #1 You have never met so what are you getting out of it? If your looking for friends then join a club. #2 Why would a person ask someone for $500 ??? That’s a lot of money he has no idea if you need that money for food, clothing or shelter yet he mentions he needs his car fixed?
Someone mentioned helping someone in time of need…yes that would be someone you know and know for sure they are in a bad situation. I helped my niece get an apartment once and loaned her $600 I never saw that money again. I didn’t expect to since she is young and a bit irresponsible. However, I probably won’t do it again unless I knew for sure it was a dire situation. Not because I don’t want to but because I am also a single mom and need to manage money smart. Which is something she needs to learn as well.
So like someone mentioned you work hard for your money and should not be sending it to strangers just because they give you a sob sorry.
Jenny
Definitely a red flag. If he can’t afford his own cell phone bill, then maybe he shouldn’t be dating
Joan
Really crappy advice Anni.
Crisula
They’re not going to ask you for money to begin with…they gain your trust first.
BTW…ask him if he’s skint right now and what’s his problem? See what he says
Lynne
Wow, I’m only discovering these replies now! Thanks to all who replied to my comment. I never sent the guy the money. But I did send him a birthday gift and Christmas gift. Once. I just (finally) told him to get lost 3 days ago and blocked him on my phone. He’s just a sorry waste of my time. I knew it all along but kept cutting him slack because of …well a bunch of reasons.
Anyone else with this dilemma…really just run if someone asks you for money who isn’t family, a close friend or a significant other whom you’ve been with a long time and have a real bond with.Crisula
nope nope nope
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