Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Guy bff got engaged and didn’t tell me
- This topic has 13 replies and was last updated 2 years, 11 months ago by
Honesty Rocks.
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Lauren
That’s pretty much it. I hadn’t heard from my friend in a week which isn’t like us so I sent a quick text today and he didn’t respond. Come to find out (social media) he got engaged a few days ago. We talk every day/every other day. Why wouldn’t he tell me that??? I’m thrilled for him! I don’t understand why he’d keep such huge wonderful news from me.
Raven
Ask him?
You didn’t know he was planning this?Lauren
Nope. He said nothing. It’s really really weird I thought we were closer than that. We tell each other everything (or at least I thought so.) And yes I guess I should bring it up I am just a little blindsided. It seems like such a weird thing to not tell someone you’re so close to.
Raven
Unfortunately, you are not as close as you thought you were…
Don’t ‘call him out’ about this- it’s really none of your business…
Honesty Rocks
Men are different from women. I once texted a male pal and asked what he was up to. He was in a hospital ward, his gf was giving birth to his kid. Didnt even know she was pregnant lol. That said I dont think you should be too full on looking for a guy friends time and attention when they have a partner, maybe its just me but i think you should respect the partner and leave them be.
Lauren
Yea I have no plans to “call him out.” There’s no rule that says he has to tell me anything – I’m just hurt that he chose not to. And agreed, Honesty. I sent the text earlier today, unknowingly, and didn’t hear back. I won’t be texting again unless and until I hear back from him. This just caught me so off guard. For 6 years I’ve told him absolutely everything and – I thought – vice versa.
AngieBaby
My guess is his GF now fiancee doesn’t know who you are and he doesn’t want her to.
You are definitely not as close as you’ve believed. You didn’t even know he was seriously dating someone. He kept that from you for some reason. I’d consider the friendship over at this point.
Lauren
No I absolutely knew he was seriously dating someone. The only thing I did not know was that he planned to propose/did in fact propose.
AngieBaby
OK so you knew he was involved… have you met her?
And if you knew he was seriously dating someone then why are you surprised he got engaged??
Men are different than women, as someone else said. He probably thought the social media announcement was enough to let everyone know.
Lauren
Again – I didn’t say that either. I’m not at all surprised by the engagement itself. They’ve been together for a while and I know he’s been very happy so I absolutely figured it was coming. I’m hurt by his not telling me. And perhaps that does mean we aren’t as close as I thought and/or men are different from women – as other commenters suggested (and I’m appreciative of those comments and those who took the time to read and weigh in.) But I never said I didn’t know he was dating someone nor that I was surprised by the proposal so not sure what’s getting lost in translation here. Either way – he gets to chose what to tell to whom, just as I get to feel however I feel about it. I’m not doing anything about it or saying anything more to him about it – I was simply conveying my feelings and wondering if anyone had input (which I am grateful to have received.)
AngieBaby
If you look at this objectively you didn’t give any backstory on the relationship, which leaves us trying to figure out what could possibly be happening and make some guesses. Nothing “lost in translation” – just no context for someone who you believe is a close friend not telling you something you think is very important.
Just ask him in a friendly way, is my final bit of feedback – “I’m so happy for you! Dude, why didn’t you tell me?” with a big smile on your face.
Liz Lemon
Men are most definitely wired differently than women when it comes to these things. I know two separate guys who didn’t get around to mentioning it to friends/acquaintances when they got married (one of them) and divorced (the other one). People eventually found out, but it was weeks, months, even years later. Guys can be really private about their personal lives, even about happy & good news.
He may not have told you he planned to propose because he wanted to keep it a total surprise for his fiancee. Not that you would have run and told her, but there’s something special about having a big moment truly be between just 2 people. So I can understand why he didn’t tell you he planned to propose.
As for why he didn’t tell you afterwards– who knows. It stings, but maybe you weren’t as close as you thought you were, I guess. For whatever reason he figured you hearing it from social media was enough. I like AngieBaby’s suggestion of just asking him, in a gentle and non confrontational way, after congratulating hik of course.
sd
hey I’m just commenting cause this is the first time I’ve ran across something that was very similar to what went on with me a few yrs ago wow I went through a bunch of weird emotions at the time I found out actually I got this direct thought that he was getting married so one afternoon as we were (hanging out) I looked at him and said ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED his reply was yes you should be getting your invitation in the mail any day now
🤨 things changed that day my whole life …we were friends + not like we were gonna ever be married and both of us knew that but I THOUGHT WE WERE CLOSE I guess we are were but that was a fuvking WTF TO ME PLUS IM NOT GOOD AT VLIMBING UP ON SOME ONE THATS SOMEONE ELSES HA IT CHANGED OUR DEAL COMPLETELY WIW OK TATA FOR NOW THANKS COMMENT BACK please sdHonesty Rocks
I wonder sometimes if men think female friends are hanging around because they actually fancy them a bit. And in this scenario are keeping things schtum because theyre scared of hurting you. I know this is generally not the case but as i said before men see things differently from women and are of the opinion they are in “with a chance” up to the point of a court injunction for stalking/ harassment. Not them all of course but some lol.
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