Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Guy hasn’t asked me out to a fourth date yet
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T from NY.
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Lilly
I met this guy online we’ve been on 3 dates so far. He asked me for a second date at the end of the first. We met up at his place and didn’t get down to anything but we made out for around 2 hours. He took me out to have dinner after.
I was going abroad for 2 weeks after so he still kept in touch with me and kept texting me and asked me out for a third date as soon as I wasn’t back. Initially he asked if I could stay over but I said I couldn’t so he said let’s go for dinner instead. We had another nice date, he’s always holding hands and we hug and kiss and talked for ages. He even made me wear his jacket.
On our way back home he kissed me in the taxi and as I was leaving he said he’ll text me about meeting up again.
Since then, I bought up a Netflix show and asked if we could go back to his place. It’s really hard for us cause he has a landlady who won’t allow many visitors and my parents won’t let a guy come over. So he said he’ll work something out. I told him I had a day off on the same day as him but he said he has plans for it already so he’ll let me know about another day.
We then stopped texting for around 2 days and then he messaged me again to talk about general stuff – he loves working out so he sent me a picture of him after the gym. He told me he has a day off today and I just asked if he had anything fun planned. He hasn’t replied yet.
It’s been almost a week since we last met up and he hasn’t bought up meeting up again. We usually meet up on sundays but he hasn’t mentioned that either yet.
I don’t know if I should wait any longer or assume that he’s not sure about me.
lil
I really like what redcurlysue wrote on the community fourm called ghosting
“, these budding relationships have to end somehow. Either we call it quits or they do. We need to expect that. For dating to be a success with someone we need to be in someone’s life and them wanting us to be for more than a few dates “we” thought went swimmingly.
If we know most men we meet will not work out, and we know that good feelings have to be on both sides then we can expect ghosting as part of the dating process and not get too invested too fast.
Managing our expectations regarding dating can help you not take a hit on your self esteem each time a man calls it quits. Expect it, even if it is going so very well (we do not know what someone else is thinking, and they could lie not to hurt your feelings, or to get what they want). Be surprised when it continues past a few dates.”
This helped me a lot. I also think that if a guy will tell you he has a day off but then not invite you it always feels like a big hint to me.
I hope this helps. I think the 3 date is a big milestone in dating many dates dont go past the 3rd date or the first for that matter the second date is like a second tyre kick so to speak. Sometime a guy will go for a 3rd date just to see if a girl will put out. This sometimes mean no 4th date whether you put out or not.
hope this helps.
T from NY
Agree with everything lil said! As well as what she re-posted rcs said!
Another thing I wanted to point out — this guy is NOT long term relationship material — you know that right? If you’re fine with NO relationship, just sex and mAyBe a few more dates then of course answer him if he EVEN makes a plan.
But you’ve practically offered to have sex with this guy (because you’ve made out already, he asked you to stay over the last date, and now you’ve offered Netflix (and everyone knows these days what that’s code for) and he still hasn’t set anything up!
I’m just saying he doesn’t seem super interested to me if he’s let two days go by without talking AND hasn’t mentioned seeing each other again. Just wanted you to be on your guard.
Unfortunately women sometimes think that men can “get to know them” or have enough fun times they will suddenly act more interested and it could turn into a boyfriend. I’ve just found — men who are truly interested in you — make it VERY clear they like you, don’t disappear for a couple of days and set up plans or at least stay in A LOT of contact to make sure you don’t forget them.
I hope you are also seeing others. I’d bet a lot that he is.
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