Home › Forums › Texting Advice › Guy I Haven’t Met in Person Texts me Too Many Messages and Memes Over the Day.
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 1 year, 9 months ago by
Lee.
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P
I was wondering if this guy is sincere about wanting a relationship, or if he’s just trying to fish for any girl who replies back to his long walls and mountains of texts. I liked it that he talked a lot in the beginning, but his texts are getting very overwhelming. He would send me mountains and mountains of texts about how his day is going, and trivial stuff like holidays and games and whatnot. We haven’t met yet, so this is a little overwhelming. I kinda suspect that he’s just doing this to impress random people, and not bc he actually cares. His niceness and message bombarding sounds too fake. What is your opinion on all this?
Tallspicy
All the men that have overtexted me before meeting ended up being a waste of time. It is over investment, not adding any value, is what they do with everyone and creates projection. I just say… how about contacting me when we can make a concrete plan. They usually disappear after that.
Ewa
I agree, also their lives must be boring if they have time to do that.
Maddie
My experience matches Tallspicy. Often if we did meet after they over-texted, they’d flake out after two dates max.
Also, walls of text may not be about impressing anyone, assuming it’s not love bombing. They may be lonely, socially awkward, immature, or just have bad boundaries. If you’re getting overwhelmed even prior to meeting, there’s probably a good reason, so trust your instincts that something is off and it’s not a good match for you.
In general though, try to meet as early as possible when you’re talking to someone online. Talk just enough to filter and be sure they’re not doing or saying anything that makes you uncomfortable or feels like a red flag. Then don’t wait longer than about a week to set a time for an upcoming in person meetup. If it’s long distance and you can’t meet in person right away, that’s okay too, set up a video chat instead. If they don’t want to meet in a timely manner, they may only want a pen pal, they may not actually be single, or they may be catfishing. So don’t waste much time on lots of texting!
Khadija
Next these guys never amount to anything.
mama
The last time a guy I hadn’t met yet kept texting me volumes of texts, “overtexting”, etc., he was a catfish. Asked me for $4k after a week and a half and we hadn’t even met.
When I looked over the communication to see where I missed the cues, the voluminous texts looked very generic and more like they were copy and paste — could be any day, any situation, apply to anyone anywhere. He also sent me “architectural proposals” from his work, but generic/no company branding (weird for someone to do even if it was real).
***********It sounds fake to you because it might just be fake. Catfishing is rampant on dating apps, I suggest listening to your gut and set this one free.
So Tired of Women
Sigh!
Women these days are 100% determined to constantly wrong-foot men. Men are wrong to text too infrequently,wrong to be ‘dry texters’,wrong to send too many texts,wrong to send long texts.
Women who do the above get given an automatic free pass every single time by other women. A woman whose bf or potential bf has indicated he wants to hear more often from her by text will be accused of being manipulative,forcing the pace of the relationship making her potentially uncomfortable etc. However a woman who sends too many texts will be praised not accused. ‘She is trying to build a relationship’ other women will say/write.A woman sends screeds of text then she is praised by other women for being ‘open and honest,being mature,unafraid of commitment,not afraid to be emotionally vulnerable’. A male sends long texts? He is roundly denounced and insulted. ‘Ugh that guy sent you long ass texts? What is up with all these boring whiny men-children? Oh sweet baby girl block that guy everywhere he is clearly a needy,socially maladroit immature sex-mad lovebomber. You can do better girl! Always remember that a Noah from the Notebook is out there desperately seeking you. How can he find you if you are hanging about with immature loser dudes?!’
Tallspicy
So tired of men… firstly, you can stop looking at this if it doesn’t serve you. Secondly, women on this site are never encouraged to over communicate in the way you are describing. Clearly you have not read any of the advise given here and instead of working on yourself are coming here, misstating without actual knowledge and spewing woman hating crap.
JustMyOpinion
Have you told him that it is feeling a bit overwhelming?
No one is a mind reader.
Maybe explain that it is distracting you from accomplishing things. You can tell him that you really enjoy your conversations but that you can not continue to be available all day.
Life is an Ebb and Flow, there will be times that we can chat all day maybe even for several days. However, there are also those times in which it is time to get busy and those things have to be sidelined.
His response will tell you a lot about him. I also agree with Maddie about meeting in some way, even over video chat.
Finding a way to talk about your feelings can be a tricky situation in dating. At my age I speak my truth, the one’s willing to hear it an be respectful and kind towards me and my feelings, are the only one’s worth continuing a conversation with. That’s the nice part of online dating.
Good luck and try to always be true, kind, and direct.
Lee
@So Tired of Women: LOL, if a girl messaged you nonstop, it would probably creep you out too. The OP never said this was exclusively about men wtf?
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