Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Guy I'm dating has a baby on the way
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Jordan.
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Heather
Hi Ladies,
I need your advice about my situation. I’ve been dating this guy for about 2 months now. We go out on dates at least 3-4 times a week. He checks in with me daily via txt or phone calls and he shows me that he’s interested. My only dilemma is that he has a baby on the way. His daughter is due in September by his ex girlfriend. He found out she was pregnant 3 days after they broke up, which was almost a year ago. I don’t have any children.
One day we were having a conversation about intimacy and I ended up asking him when’s the last time he had been intimate with his soon to be child’s mother and he said 5 months ago. I said ok and I left it alone. On Sunday him and I had a late dinner and we were talking about each others week and he brought up the previous conversation we had about him and his ex. Well he told me that he “sort of” lied to me about when the last time they had sex. he said it was more recent than 5 months ago but he didn’t exactly say when.
He said that he felt bad about not telling me the truth and assures me that he’s done with his ex. He said that since he’s been dating me their relationship is strictly about co-parenting and the anticipated arrival of their newborn. He said he didn’t want to ruin his chances with me by saying it had been more recent than 4 months. I didn’t say much I sort of changed the subject because I felt uncomfortable. I also didn’t know what to say.
I’m currently seeing other men. I like this guy but I’m skeptical about the whole situation now. If our relationship progressed would I feel comfortable with him spending so much time with his ex because of the new baby? Would I be insecure all the time? Would he cheat? Ladies if any of you have experience in this department please share. Also advice is needed. Thanks!
Heather
more recent than 5 months*
Shelly
“He found out she was pregnant 3 days after they broke up, which was almost a year ago.”
Something doesn’t add up. If he found out 3 days AFTER they broke up almost a year ago, that baby would have already been born at least 3 months ago. He can’t have a baby on the way when they broke up almost a year ago.
I would question him about this, either his math is wrong or he is blatantly lying to you. If you are skeptical, I would cut out before your emotions for him get stronger.
Khadija
I agree with Shelly something about this does not add up.
Honestly, there are plenty of other men that don’t have a baby on the way.
I see you mentioned you are seeing other men, try gravitating towards these men and away from this man.
This situation sounds complicated and you are already questioning it.Heather
Shelly, almost a year ago so not exactly a year and she was 3 months pregnant when she found out so the math is correct.
Heather
Let me correct what I said ladies, I said almost a year bc its been around 9 months now. Sorry for the confusion
Anna
Heather- so they broke up around 9 months ago & She was already 3 months pregnant but the baby is due in September? Is it just me or the math still doesn’t make sense?
Shelly
I agree with Anna – the timing is still off.
Khadija
Yeah I’m still lost too.
He either slept with her more recently than you think or well he needs to call up Maury cause the math is not adding up here.L
Its obvious she became pregnant after they supposedly broke up…If she was 3 months pregnant when she broke up with him 9 months ago and is due in Sept. she would be pregnant for 13 months?
Either way you have only invested 2 months with this guy and already look at the drama your involved with…and what happens when that baby comes? Does the ex have another boyfriend? If not you can guarantee she will be asking for a lot of his time.
Move on get away too much drama!
Gemini615
Yeah this isn’t adding up to me. Sounds like he was probably still hooking up with her for months after and she fell pregnant.
I’d move on either way. I would never be comfortable entertaining a potential relationship with someone who is about to have a baby with an ex and probably isn’t totally done with the ex either. You don’t want to be around when he decides to give things another shot with the ex “for the sake of the baby”. Or deal with the baby mama drama and her calling and harrassing you and giving him shit because he’s seeing someone else.
Lane
Hi Shelly,
I understood what you meant by “almost a year” and its not really the issue here, its whether or he’s fully over his ex or if this will be an issue you need to worry about in the future.
Being that they do have a child on the way, I believe they may have attempted a reconciliation as their is a child involved and have history together so its not rare or uncommon for this to occur—more couples should make absolutely sure before they make that final decision. Fact is, it occurred BEFORE he met you so its a past event that has nothing to do with where he is emotionally today.
Honestly, if this arrangement is going to make you insecure and always worrying of them reconciling then its probably best you don’t move forward. The bottom line is…do you trust him? Is he honest and forthright 99% of the time? He came clean so you need to give him credit for do so as it was based on fear of losing so there was a reason for why he did it. I’m sure you’ve lied or not been truthful about things in your life from time-to-time so sometimes you need to give someone the benefit of the doubt and then carefully observe them for a bit longer to determine if it was minor glitch or serious character flaw (persistently lies).
Arrayah
Regardless of whether the timing adds up and regardless of how long it has been since he was intimate with his ex, this mans focus, time and energy should be going towards his unborn child. If he’s a decent guy his emotions will be all caught up with the baby on the way, not on beginning a new relationship. It sounds as if you might be a rebound or distraction. I feel the right thing to do by the child is for him to start preparing emotionally on that and put dating on hold for a while and for you, it would be easier for you and kinder on the mother and child for you to move on and date other men. There is a good chance that they will reconcile or at least try to after the baby comes. Better to not emotionally invest in a relationship when that is a possibility and better to not be in the way if there is a chance they might get back together and be a family.
Jordan
My ex is currently engaged to a lady who has 4 children from a previous marriage. The ex husband is manipulative and “crazy” from what I’ve been told. He calls the job to speak to my ex and he also brainwashes his own children. I feel kinda bad for my ex because he is marrying into that madness. But you need to seriously think about if you’re prepared to be with a man who can never put you first because of his child and potential drama with the baby’s mother. Are you ready for that? I don’t think anyone would wanna deal with it especially if they don’t have kids of their own.
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