Guy I'm dating has been pulling away due to personal issues

It’s fine for you to initiate after a year of dating. However I’m struck by your use of the term “on and off”– you’ve been “on and off” for a year? What does that mean, exactly? I assume you haven’t been committed/monogamous the whole time?

Three weeks is an extremely long time for someone not to reach out when you’ve been dating for a year. How often did you see each other? Did you communicate daily? Have you met his child?

There isn’t much you can do if this guy is withdrawing- you certainly can’t force him to contact you or confide in you. I think it’s fine to let him know you care, and you’re there for him. But beyond that, you just have to give him space.

I’ve met his kids twice.

There’s like a 2 hour distance between us. We broke it off for a bit due to the distance and then starter dating casually again.

I couldn’t call him my boyfriend at this point and don’t know where it’s heading, if anywhere at all. All I know is that we enjoy each other’s company.

He’s not the first person I’ve known who has closed themselves off during difficult times. My ex was the same way. So was one of my former good friends.

Some like to confide during hard times and some shut down. Everyone is different.

However, I think I’ll back away. I will check on him again and ask how is father is doing but after that, I’m going to give him his space completely.

I really like and care about him so it does hurt me but there’s nothing else I can do. He doesn’t seem to want to be bothered. I’ve offered my support. I can’t do anything else.

I agree.

I never thought about that but you’re right. I guess he doesn’t see me as someone he can open up too. I’ve always found him to be closed off emotionally anyway.

He’ll ask me questions about myself and he has given me advice when I was going through something earlier this year but he clearly doesn’t see me as someone he can confide in.

It probably even took a lot for him to tell me about his father’s illness. He was clearly avoiding telling me about it at first and was vague about why he was being distant.

I also see him as a friend though and I’m concerned as I would be for anyone I consider to be a friend.

Many times, I wouldn’t contact him for a week or days and he’d always reach out to me first. I don’t think I’m being “pathetic” or “desperate” by being the one who is reaching out now (not overdoing it obviously though).

As I said, I will check in with him again soon He may or may not even respond at this point. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s trying to ghost me. He did tell me he wasn’t taking the news well and doesn’t feel like himself. He seems quite depressed and scared which is understandable.

I will at least make the effort to reach out. I know he’s close with his family and I am sorry his dad is not well.

As I said, I won’t pursue it any further after this last time. If he doesn’t want to be bothered then that’s okay.

I enjoyed our time together but I guess it’s just come to an end. I wish him well and hope his dad gets better.

Oh no. I didn’t get that from your post. Tbh, I’m not expecting anything after I contact him. I just feel like reaching out again is the right thing for me to do.

It’s not a good feeling that I’d feel like he’d ghost after all this time but my instinct is telling me this may happen. He’s even admitted to me that he’s ghosted other women in the past but claimed he would never do that to me.

I felt a bit uneasy when he said that. I don’t believe he’s incapable of not ghosting me. He’s being distant and can’t even open up emotionally. Plus he’s in a situation he’s never been with his dad’s illness and I feel like he’s shutting me out.

My instincts are usually right.

Btw, yes I’ve read through this site quite a bit lol and have learned some interesting things about relationships, men and attachments styles.

Now I’m not going to lie, this is a hurtful situation. Especially when you meet someone that you think you “click” with and seems to get you as a person. I don’t click so easily with many people I meet but I did with him.

Anyway, I was doing okay before I met him and I’ll be okay eventually.

It helps to vent and talk things out. Things are clearer now for me.

Thank you for the advice! It’s been helpful.

Thank you Liz Lemon. I’m trying.

I reached out once more like I said I would. We talked for a bit on the phone and then I left it alone. I stopped contacting him and focused on me: Working, going to the gym and hanging out more with friends and family.

Now he’s been the one contacting me lately and wanting to see me but I’ve been really busy lately so I haven’t been able too.

I don’t get why men do this. It’s always when you start to focus on yourself and leave them alone that they start to put in more effort. When I was the one initiating contact, he was kind of cold and distant.

Now he’s being very sweet.

It’s always best when there’s mutual interest of course (which I thought there was which is why I thought it wouldn’t hurt if I started reaching out after he stopped contacting me) but I think it just isn’t worth it to ever chase men.