Guy lost interest after I said no to him coming to my place

Because he wanted to come to your place…

You’re continuing to contact him, he thought he had a chance.

This guy is a dud. He wanted an easy lay and you aren’t like that. He doesn’t want to completely write you off because he may still be able to manipulate you into giving him what he wants. Also, this guy sounds sleezy. Do you want a relationship or do you want to be at the beck and call of a sleezy guy? He sounds gross. :(

First step: Stop reaching out to him to make plans.
Best step: Block him from ever contacting you again. He’s playing games with you.

@mama

Thanks for saying that. Yea it really helped to hear what you’re saying :( just can’t believe some guys can be so Low when they know we aren’t like that already from talking to us. I just kind of wished he told me the day before when I gave him a get out of jail card for free by saying if you don’t wanna hang out you can just be honest and say so, but instead he dragged me through the mud and told me 2 hours before when he knew all along he didn’t want to go out.

Just curious, how do you tell if he’s playing games? Is it cause he suddenly became cold but actually still wanted to go out after I asked him?

Sofia, this guy is not playing games. He is trying to get in your pants as he can try. Not being serious is not the same as playing games. Its up to you to decide what is b$. This guy already lost interest after you declined the creepy home date. No serious guy asks for that

He wanted to smash, you refused to play ball, his interest dropped so fast. Anything else that followed was you chasing him and giving him several passes for flaking. I get it, sometimes you want to see the good in people but don’t do so at your own detriment and dignity.

I’m sure you felt very uncomfortable and Humiliated following up on this guy and picking up the slack for him. He couldn’t even bother with venues and activities for godssake!

Next time if a guy flakes on you for a first date just say Next. More so when he doesn’t reschedule sooner and you have to follow up, keep saying Next! First dates are a chance at giving ‘first impressions’ and a guy wants to put his best foot forward, so if he flakes he’s saying he doesn’t care and isn’t interested enough to bother.

Also love, a ‘date’ without a time or date or venue confirmed is not a date, it’s just an idea, don’t bother dressing up. Real dates are planned in advance with everything confirmed. No last minute acts. Any communication which follows is to build anticipation for the date and maybe the “we still on for tonight?” on the day of, which much come from the guy not you.

Unmatch and cease all contact with him ,start talking to other guys. His 15 minutes of fame is gone. Chuck him the deuces.

@Erin

Yes you said it exactly – I felt humiliated and like I betrayed myself giving him more opportunities when he clearly knew I was giving him as much opportunity as I could allow myself to, wasn’t my finest moment :( I’m not used to tbh someone losing interest this quickly when it’s just even before the first meet, but maybe it’s the cut throat online dating world that’s become of us. I just felt like he was punishing me for saying no, and then dragging me through the mud to cancel so last minute when he could have cancelled earlier. It’s been a bit more than 2 weeks now since that last communication probably, but I can’t help feeling bummed by the whole thing. I know I shouldn’t see it this way but I’m still finding it hard to feel like it’s his loss, it just feels like he still got to feel good about himself even after I said no, but I am somehow the one left with the feeling of rejection.

Yes Eva, most guys these days unmatch you on the spot or just stop talking to you or replying altogether. You don’t even touch first base.

Most guys on dating apps don’t really want to meet up unless there’s sex on the table or they just enjoy the attention and validation behind their screens.

@Eva

Hahaha omg I had no idea it’s such a brutal world out there with online dating… I guess behind the screen it’s so easy to just treat everyone like it’s a catalog. I also did not know that most guys would prefer to just skip the date and want only sex, I guess coming from my own mind, it just doesn’t make sense to just want to have sex only and avoid building a connection, but maybe that’s why they say Men are from Mars and Women from Jupiter.

I know I shouldn’t be thinking or worrying this way, but I was wondering if these guys who just want easy sex, are they just that way and don’t want a connection at all with any girl and need some growing up to do or would they actually pursue someone properly if they really felt attracted and interested?

@Erin I actually think women should appreciate it when such guys unmatch them.

@ Sofia Then welcome to the world of online dating!
I’ve even seen a question on some forum “Why do girls who don’t want to hook-up use tinder”… Depending on where you live, guys may really be pushing the idea that some apps/platforms are a hook-up apps (tinder, bumble) or can be used to find quick hook ups.
You can’t try to understand men through female logics, it simply doesn’t work. For starters, we have no idea what is it like to live with the amount of testosteron that they have. Basically a lot of guys could do anyone not repulsive to them, the question is only how well they were brought up to treat women nicely and maybe whether their looks or financial status allow them to treat women as objects.
You should learn more about male psychology to decrease your chances of getting hurt.

Hmm… some really see women as objects and don’t want any special connections, some wouldn’t mind meeting someone special but they are perfectly fine playing with women in the meantime. I guess most of them would properly pursue a woman if they felt she was the one, but you have to be aware that that that special connection can’t be formed online.
I cannot stress this enough: HOW A GUY IS ACTING ONLINE SAYS NOTHING ABOUT YOUR WORTH! They use same the pattern with every woman. They may change the narrative a bit according to your responses, but basically it has very little to do with you.

Also you have to be aware that a good first date (or even later) doesn’t mean anything, so learn not to get your hopes up too soon. Over here you will repeatedly hear the advice that guys have to be on their best behaviour and show consistency in the early stages of dating.

PS. In case I sounded negative about online dating- I actually think it’s fun, but you do have to go into it with proper mindset :)

i think the whole confusion arose bec you failed to read that he was just luking for a quick and easy lay. its good that you dint agree to let him come to your house for the first meeting. i dont think you shld feel bad or anything for the simple reason that you failed to read him completely. its ok. you were looking to meet a guy you met online with whom you thought there was a chemistry. and then take it from there. dont even bother giving him a second thought. just chuck him out of your mind. and another thing. you kept chasing him to lock down a first meeting. you shouldn’t have to do that with a man who genuinely wants to meet you.

you shld look at this episode very positively bec you learnt two valuable lessons at zero cost. so chin up and smile.