Guy Really Likes Me, But I'm Not Attracted To Him. Does Attraction Ever Grow?

I’d like the answer to this,as well! Going through same thing with a nice guy. He adores me but I feel nothing but friendship towards him. I’ve told him and told him that we are only friends but he hangs on in the hope I’ll change my mind!

If you’ve been out with a guy 3-4 times and there is still nothing happening, chances are pretty much nil.

Hi Tiffany.

It can grow but you need to give it a chance. This happened with my now ex husband. Initially I wasn’t that attracted to him as he wasn’t the type of guy I usually dated. I had broke up with my then boyfriend and needed some “me time” where over a few months he would “pop up” here and there, we would talk or do something as “friends” and after awhile he kinda grew on me. I finally agreed to date him, he dropped the “I love you” bomb after the first month but I still hadn’t developed those type of feelings for him.

About 5 months later I did a pull back and was seriously considering breaking it off as we were going to be stationed at different bases soon (in the military at the time) but after a few days I really missed him and the thought of not having him in my life was painful—I had fallen in love and didn’t even know it! I fell in love with the PERSON he was, not just the physical because that changes whereas even good looking people can become unattractive.

Of course there were many guys that I couldn’t get there with and felt the same way you do, but just wanted you to know there are exceptions to this rule. I would say if you’ve tried 3-4 times then you’ll probably never get there, so don’t beat yourself up or feel bad about it. However I will say this, its better to have a 10 in compatibility where it comes to finances, sex, parenting, negotiating, and communication; and a 4 in attraction because the compatibility will get you a heck of a lot further than attraction which usually fades the longer you’re with someone.

Let’s just say attraction isn’t on the list when you ask old married couples why they’re still together.

I wouldn’t force it if I were you. It’s not fair to either of you.

I wasn’t attracted to a very nice man after 4 dates so I ended it cause I was not going to lead the guy on and I didn’t really miss his company. That is sad to say but that is how I knew he wasn’t my guy.

Listen. Time and life and all the stress and challenges that go with it tend to naturally smooth and dull and cool feelings that are, in the best of situations, sharp and clear and burning hot in the beginning. Why would you want to start anything with someone who doesn’t INSPIRE you?

None of us knows what challenges lie ahead. You’ll want someone by your side who you didn’t have to “decide” you have feelings for. Cut the poor guy loose and stop getting his hopes up. Would you want a man YOU were mad for to “try and feel it” with you 3 TIMES?

I understand ‘almost matches’ can be the most confusing. But if you’ve ever been truly in love — there is no confusion. When they go away from you, you miss them desperately. You think of them often. I am absolutely a realist when it comes to choosing a partner. But there has to be some passion too. Don’t settle.

Yes, it can. I work with a guy and when I first met him, I was just kind of *meh*, granted, this is not a romantic thing. However, after working with him for over a year, if the opportunity presented itself, I’d date him in a heartbeat. And it won’t, because we are otherwise a bad match, but yeah, the chemistry is there and definitely was not for me when I first met him.
What it takes for that to work is seeing a person on a regular basis and really getting to know them and interacting with them.