Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Guy texted? after a week of silence WTF
- This topic has 24 replies and was last updated 7 years, 9 months ago by
BCS.
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Pop
I knew I would probably hear from him one way or another from the guy who did not get in touch with me since Sunday last week.
Here it is, just got a notification that I have a few messages from him.
They were just photos from last week when we hang out. No words. WTF? I didn’t expect this.
He said he would send me the photos last Sunday where I thought I would receive them immediately but he went silent instead.
I’m just going to ignore but, isn’t it rude? Because, not even say “hi”.
So annoyed.BCS
Hello. I do think it is rude. But If you don’t reply to his “message” you will be letting him know that you are angry, which you should not be. Apparently, he is not your boyfriend. You hung out and had a great time. You probably had high expectations that he would be calling and texting right after, which he did not. Maybe he was flirty and acted interested while you were hanging out but he did not want to pursue. In any case, I would send a short message “got the photos, thanks”. And that’s it…move on
Good luck
Pop
He’s such a dick.
But if I’m going to come across “angry” by not responding then maybe I’ll just say Thanks. hours later.T from NY
He’s just showing you that his interest is really low and I wouldn’t even text back.
Some might say maybe he was busy, you’re not exclusive etc — and that’s absolutely true. But if you’re looking for a relationship this guy is showing you that he doesn’t feel at this point what you do and that means you’re already ahead of him in feelings which usually doesn’t turn out well.
But I would feel like you do pop — no thanks.
Pop
Yeah T, I’m so annoyed!
Nat
BCS, really? “he is not your BF”? he is being rude, what does BF has to do with anything? are you a woman? you are always making excuses for rude behaviour and telling women it is ok.
Phillygirl
I don’t understand the mentality of a) caring what someone else thinks who isn’t treating or respecting you they way you’d like or b) the idea that not responding somehow gives up your power.
If anything, silence is one of the most powerful tools we have. It shows someone is not even worthy of your effort to reply.
Then you can focus on the things and people that are deserving of your timeana
hmm.. I agree that silence gives up your power – it shows that you cared enough to get angry. If someone didn’t care at all, they wouldn’t even notice that the pics have not been sent and then, someone like this would be ‘oh great! thanks! talk to you later xx’. this would be maybe playing mind-games, I m not sure… but it definitely shows how ‘cool’ you are, whereas silence shows how hurt you are.
I am a type of person who would play it cool, but didn’t give the guy a chance. I can say ‘thanks’ to pictures, but I would be busy if he asks to hang out again ‘sorry, no, I’d love to, but have too much work to do’.
I understand why people prefer to not reply, I don’t think it really matters, if the outcome is the same (that is, it’s over), but I see why – and agree with it – silence gives up your power.
Phillygirl
I have to disagree that silence gives up any power. If someone ignores me it tells me I don’t even rank high enough to get 2 seconds of response from them
Where does this idea come from that it means your are hurt? That makes little sense and seems silly to me.
Annie
Forget this guy. If someone isn’t reaching out to you and making plans to see you face-to-face, there’s a reason.
ana
well, Phillygirl, I think it also depends on what kind of a relationship you had with this person. If you ignore someone whith whom you had one date – fine, it shows that you just don’t give a sh*t. It’s different if for other, independent reasons it is obvious that this pesron is important to you. If you spent 10 years with someone and want to get married, but then, after a fight, you ignore them – it is screeming to this person how hurt and angry you are, that you cannot handle your emotions, they overwhelm you etc. This example is extreme, but same may apply after, say, 3-5 dates. I’m sure you get the idea.
My sister’s ex, her biggest love, they spent 10 years with each other years ago, he was member of our family, doesn’t reply ‘hi’ to her if they bump into each other. It doesn’t happen often, but they live in the same city, it happened maybe twice over years. She’s married now, with children, it’s been years, and this jerk cannot even reply ‘hi’ to her. It’s really obvious that it’s not that she ranks so low in his eyes, on the contrary, he can’t face the pain or whatever, hasn’t processed his emotions, because otherwise he would be able to be polite and mature when he sees her.
Pop
Thanks ladies for the discussion.
I sent him a simple Thanks the following day. In case I ever bump into him around town then I could act like nothing happened and be like hey and I could care less.
He just responded saying How are you?
THE NERVE OF THIS GUY!!!L
‘The nerve?’ You responded didn’t you? Monkey see, monkey do.
Phillygirl
To be clear, in a relationship I always believe honest, respectful communication is a must. Ignoring someone in that kind of situation is immature, manipulative and counterproductive.
I’m talking about this situation or any casual situation when someone is disrespectful, dismissive, rude or just plain wasting your time.
Context is key
alia
Is this guy your boyfriend/ someone you have an agreement with? I guess I’m a little confused by this strong reaction. Could it have been that he forgot to send them? I think if this guy is just a friend, your reaction is out of proportion.
In my line of work people promise all kinds of things and weeks go by until I get the said thing, so I’m very understanding of people getting busy and forgetting to do something.Sam
The problem is that you had sex with him, and now you expect more from him.
BCS
Hello Nat. Yes, I am a soon to be 43-year old woman…If you read my post very carefully, you’ll see that I am not making excuses for this man. I just don’t understand why pop was so upset over some unfulfilled promise from some guy (who is not her boyfriend) to send pictures. I thought her expectations from this man were too high after just “hanging out”. I think my sentiment was echoed by subsequent posts.
Hope I was clear this time…Cheers
Pop
Didn’t realize my reaction towards this was too big.
I’m thinking after too many disappointments by men in the last year particularly in the last few months I might be damaged.
Find myself becoming bitchy and making unnecessary comments to online men who irritates me instead of just ignoring.
Might be a good idea to take a break from dating…and get in touch with me firstL
Just stop having sex with them
Pop
L, LOL well I think sex is only partially something to do with what’s wrong but not so much.
I’m just really frustrated!!!BCS
Pop, I think it’s a great idea to take a step back and enjoy being by yourself. Unlike what movies and fairy tales depict, finding love does not make us content or balanced if we could not get there on our own.
Good luck
Autumn
I think the “silence” shows you feel some kind of way. I think responding hours later with a “hey thanks for the pics, talk later!” and then never talk later would be my way of handling it. It shows that you ARE busy but gave them a little bit of your time and on your merry way. He decided to send the picture when he felt like it, so you respond when you feel like it. It may come off as playing games but it doesn’t have to be that way. Just let him know the level of importance responding to his message ranks on your list of things to do that day.
AMELIE
Girl do what you need to do.
honestly, in this case i advise you to just IGNORE.
i’ve done ignoring before and i don’t feel bad about it. AT ALL.why should you care whether or not they feel you’re giving up power?? you ignore because you simply don’t want to respond to crumbs or a dude who is possibly wishy washy/most likely seeing other people on the side. i certainly know that he isn’t seeing me, so why the hell would i respond and give him the time of day.
best way to get someone’s attention is to remove yours. it’s not a tactic, just something that you wanna do. who cares what he thinks or other peopel thinks. he’s bad news anyway because if he was genuinely interested he would be keeping contact, setting up date to see you/spend time with you. he’s simply looking for a stroke of the ego (and you know this) so why fuel his ego/gas him up?? IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE. bad communication from the start is not a really good predictor of a good quality relationship anyways. i say, cut your losses and go. if you’re simply looking for a good time – then entertain this piece of crumb. but, be wary of the emotional consequences. it’s just best to let this dude find another chick who will give him some attnetion. sorry
Victoria
I have a question, I have been in a relationship with a guy for about eight months. Mostly on the phone, everything is great, we see each other for the first time, kiss sparks fly and then he texts me as says he felt sick and he moving too fast. and he isn’t ready for this yet and needs to be alone. What do I do?
BCS
Hello Victoria. Run for your life! LOL
Seriously though, don’t do anything. Do not contact him anymore, not even to say hello. Do not try to figure out why he is not ready. Disappear! And if he changes his mind about you and comes back, do not make it easy for him to win your trust again.
Very strange behavior… -
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