Guy turns off his mobile phone for 3 days…what to do if he finally replies?

To be honest, your reaction seems over the top. Have you been speaking every day all day before that you would expect him to be in constant contact? I’m asking, because to me, no contact for 5 days with someone that I had 3 dates with, wouldn’t seem that suspicious. I would just assume that he is going to contact me if and when he wants to arrange a date. Especially that he told you he’s ill. You hardly know this man. You have seen him literally 3 times in your whole life. And you’re contacting his phone provider? And local hospitals? He might have lost interest, but not necessarily. Some people really turn off their phones when they want peace and quiet. But as far as you know, his OkCupid profile might be fake and the phone number that you have might be a number that he uses only for dating. (It’s really not a big deal these days to have an extra SIM card. I have two, for example, although not for dating.) If he contacts you again, you might say that you’ve been worried, but please, under no circumstances tell him that you contacted his phone provider, called local hospitals, was checking his OkCupid profile regularly and would have gone to his place if you knew the exact address. You would come across as a stage 5 clinger.

You did what?!

I agree with everything that’s been said already.

You really need to get some perspective. If anything had happened to him, his roommate would have alerted the police, or his colleagues at work would have notified them that he wasn’t showing up. So he’s not all alone lying helplessly in an alley somewhere– he’s just not that into you. People drop off the radar after 3 dates all the time.

You shouldn’t be “very hurt” that he hasn’t told you he’s sick or busy– he’s probably neither sick nor busy anyway. You should not be this hung up on a guy you’ve had 3 dates with! For all you know he met someone else and is focusing on her now. Internet dating works like that.

and about the phone, who turns off their cell phone?! You said before he went dark on you, he turned his phone off at night, or would have it off during the day. People put their phone on silent mode maybe, but I don’t know anyone who shuts it off for a day. Clearly that’s not his real phone. He must have a separate SIM card or burner-type phone he uses for dating. So you can stop obsessing about that too.

Thanks for all your replies.

Daisy: I’m so sorry to hear that your brother passed away in his sleep. A similar thing had happened to me when my ex was involved in an accident and was severely injured. Plus I mentioned the fact that he isn’t local and doesn’t call home often. Thus I’m genuinely worried.

Shoshannah: Thanks…no I won’t tell him I contacted his phone provider, called local hospitals, was checking his OkCupid profile regularly and would have gone to his place if I knew the exact address. So far the only message I sent is to say I’m really concerned and to please just drop me a message to let me know you’re ok.

Liz Lemon: He’s working from home because his company has a suspect case of the coronavirus. But you’re right, if anything, his roommate would probably have done something.

But you guys are right, I should just forget the guy.

I stand by everything that has been said, but with the coronavirus case in his workplace I see the worry. The virus has completely messed my plans for months (because of travel bans, long story) and now I am ill and you immediately think the worst, although of course, it’s most likely just a bad cold. That said, his health is not really your problem, Michelle. As others said, even if it is coronavirus, someone closer to him than you would take care of him, his workplace must have arranged appropriate accommodations (and probably tests) if they had a case, too. And unfortunately, with a stranger that you met via online dating, when they go puff and are nowhere to be found, it’s usually that they lost interest or worse (like a wife). In any case, you sent a message, you tried some other things, nothing else you can do now, but move on with your life.

My goodness stop all this detective work and move on with your life.
You’ve done too much for someone you only went out with 3 times.

If by some off chance he reaches out don’t go out with him again.

You’re behavior to me just seems a bit obsessive and unhealthy.

Wow!!! You seriously need to take a dating time out. You are over-the-top and would royally have creeped me the heck out if a dude this to me after only three dates!!!

Dating 101: There is a 99% chance you will not be asked out again on a date if a guy isn’t interested, where most do it with lame excuses such as sick or I’m swamped at work. He was already making excuses and when a man doesn’t step back up in a meaningful way and make it up to you, then he’s not into you enough to continue.

You need to take the HINT that if a man stops calling or responding to you its because he doesn’t want to—that’s your cue to accept he’s no longer interested, bow out graciously, and move on to a guy who does.

Oh and thank you for all your responses so far. I really appreciated it. I was really willing to give it up (painful as it may be) and then he came back.

Girl, I think I would politely decline. You can even tell him you are glad that he is okay.

But I think you will face lots of excuses and emotional uncertainty if you date this guy further. You sound like a caring person, and you deserve someone who cares for you enough to keep you in the loop.

Look up “e-tethering” that’s what he’s doing. This is a major clue a smart woman see’s instantly and then drops him like a hot skillet (deletes and stops all contact and communication pronto).

I recently met a guy on a dating app. we shared nos. we live in difrnt cities. so I wasn’t too keen. however he told me he does have an office in my city and comes down every 10 days. anyways he told me he is in my city over the wknd so wld I like to meet? I told him sure and we decided to meet on sunday evening. but he kept dangling it and dint make concrete plans till 12 noon. so I made some other plans and went out for dinner. I left a msg with the guy stating that since he dint revert as promised by 12 noon I have made other plans. so even if he does come to town I cant meet. he then got in touch the next week mid week. telling me he is planning to come down to my city over the coming wknd. and that wld I meet him on sat evening? I told him cool. he then informs me on Friday nite that infact he has no work in my city on sat but that he is coming down just to meet me! that surprised me but I told him fine. he said he will get in touch on sat by 11 am to gv details. he later informed me at 12 noon on sat that he has got stuck in some work and cant come. and that can we meet the coming week ? it was quite irritating. I told him no am sorry am busy the entire next week and also over the weekend. so if he likes he may reconnect the week after with me. and then I deleted his no.

what I am trying to say here is you do meet lot of time wasters on dating sites. and there is really no way of figuring what is true and what is not. so don’t give these people too many chances unless they earn it. and go with your instincts. and yes another thing when you really have no way of verifying their crap, just don’t bother. u really don’t want to take a chance with all kinds of stalkers and lunatics online.

I’m sorry but, if you agree to this date you’re being foolish.
His excuse was lame, plain and simple.

If you want to end up being Nancy Drew when he disappears again, have at it.