guys who don't pay on date

Whilst some men go halves, no way should you pick up the bill to a guy you aren’t going to ever see again and who hasn’t got the grace to shout you a coffee? Let them sit there uncomfortable.

As for this guy- second date you shouted the bill and third date he went halves again? Yep that’s rude to me. All I can suggest is you don’t bother again, but pay your half till you get to know him better and work out just how tight his wallet is.

I believe it shows one’s character as to whether they are givers or takers. A man who doesn’t want to treat a lady shows one of two things: 1) They aren’t going to be good a provider, or 2) they are not trying to impress you.

If a man’s isn’t showing any care or concern here then his interest level isn’t showing a whole lot. My goodness, he can’t even spring for some coffee! I would not only never date a man like that but I would definitely never pay the tab either! You are trying to impress him but he ins’t doing anything to impress you.

OP, never pay a man’s tab again unless you are in a relationship, and the man has paid more on regular basis, as this is how a man makes an ‘investment’ by showing a lady he would make a good provider. If he’s not trying to impress you, don’t try to impress him by showing what a good provider you would make.

Lol I completely agree. It’s a very awkward situation and I honestly would not go on a date with them again. I think atleast for the first few dates the guy should definitely pay. I’m sure he’s the one who invited you and it’s just a way of showing respect and interest. Yes his funds may be tight and if that’s the case then he shouldn’t be dating.

Think about it, wouldn’t you buy a friend coffee? I know I would just as a kind gesture..so why on earth would you go out with a guy who won’t even buy you a coffee. That’s just him being cheap. I’m not saying to make a scene but I would quietly stop dating him because in the future so you really want a guy who wants to go half. No you want someone who treats you and it’s embarrassing to be out with someone who asks for a separate bill. Truly he would never see me again. It’s not you being materialistic or selfish because clearly you would be willing to pay for dates when you invite him out. He’s cheap and you’re not compatible. Don’t date him let him go half with his bro’s

Sorry OP, but even though I’m old fashioned myself I’m not going to bash on the guy you’re dating because he hasn’t done too much wrong. You on the other hand have a problem with splitting the bill, which I can understand. But then you also have a problem picking it up yourself, and it’s done insincerely too. This wasn’t a “I happily paid, but I was disappointed next date when he didn’t reciprocate.” Why pick up the bill when it was the lesser of two evils for you? The way I see it, apparently each guy you date is supposed to magically figure out he needs to pick up the entire bill on dates with you without you telling him beforehand? This in the midst of there being a noticeable amount of women out there who are not comfortable with a guy paying entirely for the first dates. I could easily say a guy not paying on a date is scummy but I try to keep one leg in the modern world we live in today.

Who knows maybe this is a reflection of how he is with money, reciprocating, or how much he’s into you. But truth is you don’t know his reasons yet. Tons of guys don’t even give something like this so much thought like women do, especially if he’s from a region where splitting the bill on dates is the norm and no one judges a man for doing so.

*feel

Is this how you’d like to be courted …?
Just asking-

If you’re going to assume him not paying shows he doesn’t want to impress, then if I dated you and paid would you also assume I had interest? Because you’d be wrong half the time. I dont do it to impress, and have done it even when I didn’t like the girl (something I might need to stop doing to avoid misleading). It’s just a comfort zone and personal preference.

Your (and others) instant judgement of him choosing to split is a little severe, given you have no clue of his reasons. And there can be plenty valid ones. My point is just to introduce some healthy skepticism.

If I were you and this was such a dealbreaker I’d simply ask my dates if they were old fashioned or more modern. From there the conversation can naturally segue to paying on dates.

If you’re going to dump him over this, which you’re obviously free to do, at least be straight forward with him about how you feel/think so you can get some insight.

It’s amazing to me how many young men don’t have any social graces these days. I have a single son and he would never do this. He might buy $6 teeshirts, but he always treats. Most people act the way they were brought up.

But I don’t see how a young man can be so obtuse! If this man is 30 or over, to me there is no excuse for this behavior. I would have a talk with him maybe? if I liked him.. And if I didn’t like what he said, I’d drop him.

It shows he will never be generous with you.

I was just discussing this with my husband the other day actually. We were talking about how some girls will have a fit when a guy doesn’t pay on a date. My husband and I come from 2 different cultures. I’m Australian and he’s French. We had slightly different views on this and I think a lot of it comes from cultures.

I said to my husband that a few years ago when I was still in the dating world there were a few times when the guys did not pay. Now it’s not something that I would necessarily not see a guy again over if he didn’t pay the first time we went out. I always gave them the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe there was a reason why they didn’t pay. If they didn’t pay the second date I thought it was a bit strange. I’ve never been one to throw a tantrum and I’m not high-maintenance by any means but I do agree with the posters on here saying that it is nice the first few dates for the man to pay then afterwards it doesn’t really matter who when it starts becoming a bit more serious.

My husband had quite a different view and it was interesting to hear a different perspective. He said that he always used to pay on the first few dates without question and he said most French men have that view. He said it was a statement to show that he was able to look after the lady. I think someone else actually mentioned it in this post? I thought about it afterwards and he’s right. If a guy does not offer to pay for at least a coffee after you’ve been out a few times I might be inclined to think they’re a bit stingy or they might not be in a financial situation to date anyone at all.

Honestly, drop him. He sounds cheap. I get splitting the tab, or taking turns paying. But to let you pay and then not thank you? Oh heck no.

I met a guy friend out this weekend for an expensive dinner that I asked him to to celebrate a big deal in his life. He damn near fought me to get the check. Like, dude, this is my gift to you. You are not paying.

I agree with Lane.
If this is bothering you so much, move on.

He’s tight with his wallet.

Had a similar situation with a guy I dated a few years ago. We dated for a few months and he never paid for me once. And I think there were a few incidents where I paid for something little for him. It really did bother me, but he was from Germany, so I just chalked it up to cultural differences. Though I think if he were American I would have probably cut it off earlier. I want to be in a relationship where the guy wants to be generous, and vice versa. I think there’s a level of selfishness there that’s just unattractive.

Do you think you could ever bring the subject up, even in a curious way? Such as, “What has your experience been in who pays for who on dates? It’s interesting how it’s a little controversial now on who pays”- just to drum up his thoughts?