Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Had sex, got ghosted, can I get him interested again?
- This topic has 99 replies and was last updated 5 years, 5 months ago by
Angie.
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Junior
Also, why did you continue texting him after finding out he was in a relationship? If you would have done the right thing from the beginning you would have avoided the frustration of watching him block you in WhatsApp. If I were you, I would block him now to avoid anymore embarrassment. He screwed up his relationship so let him deal with it.
Amanda
Amen, Peggy.
And I quote the original poster,
“The girlfriend will be away during the festive season, so I’m expecting that he might unblock me at some point and possibly text me again but it is still an awkward feeling being treated like a nuisance – he was the one to blow his relationship up, it was a text that he sent me and he forgot to delete that put him in this situation, I never made anything that put him into difficulty. So I see it as an overreaction to block me”
When this cheating, lying SOB used you to cheat on his girlfriend, your reaction is to be concerned that he is “treating you as nuisance” and that he blocked you. As everyone has said, why on earth would you still have any contact with this man? And why are you planning to get in touch with him when his GIRLFRIEND IS AWAY? For a chase game of checkers, I’m sure lol.
Honeypie
What was the purpose of saying to speak when you come back? There is only one conclusion to draw… to see how things go. I’m am sad that you think so very little of yourself that you want a man who treats the woman he is in a relationship with in this manner, and you feel his contact some kind of victory to your ego.
You’re an embarrassment.
alia
You need to block him and never speak to him again. Trust me, he will understand;)
Jose
“where he just texts you when he want sex” HAH, I saw it coming. I think we all did tbh.
And L said it, the good old “buhhh uhhh im in a sexless relationsship, please feel sorry for meeee… even though i could break up with my current girlfriend, but im not going to, because then I have no excuse to not be serious with you”
Dude do what you want. If you want to be the “little secret, whom he unblocks when his gf is out of town, so he can have sex with you, cause thats all you are good for” then do it. But it wont make you feel any better about yourself.Julie
I’m with Jose. I”m not going to heap abuse on you as there has been plenty already. The question for you to answer for yourself is what kind of a person are you? He is NOT in a “sexless” relationship, he says he has sex with his GF, he just doesn’t get as much as he wants. And isn’t enough of a man to address it with her or break up. Someone with high self esteem doesn’t engage with someone like this. But I think you will go running back for more when he snaps his fingers. Your post would have been entirely different, and you would have been the one to block him, if you were done with him. There are a gazillion men you could hit up for NSA sex, but you are chasing one who treats you like dirt and is using you to cheat on his GF. SMH.
Junior
I was really curious as to why you would continue to text a man you slept with once you learned he was in a relationship. The fact that you are entertaining the idea of still communicating with him is not a good thing on your end. You haven’t started an affair with him, but you also didn’t end things with him. On the contrary, you hoped he unblocks you on WhatsApp when his girlfriend is out of town.
I don’t know if you are aware that your behavior is questionable. And people are reacting to your behavior. Personally, I don’t want to attack you. I just hope with you coming to this forum you will eventually become aware that this man is bad news. Your continued interest is worrisome because it shows you either A)lack self-awareness B) lack self-esteem C) lack any moral compass. I think it’s either A or B. Listen to what the people on the forum are saying. These are strangers who think bad about your behavior, now imagine what your POI thinks about you. Trust me, he isn’t thinking good things about you. Learn from this. Good luck!
Aida
Not everyone was being harsh and calling you names, but it seems you’ll just ignore anything at all other than encouragement and approval.
I’m guessing your problems is a little bit of all three that Junior suggested, A, B, and C. There is a reason people are heaping abuse on you. But if all you care about is getting laid no matter who it hurts, you won’t hear anything that doesn’t get you there.
So here’s some advice. Wait for him to come to you on his own and then have sex. Repeat until you leave the country. Maybe one day years down the road you’ll be compassionate enough to feel guilty about it.
Honeypie
What do you think women’s reaction would be? Pat you on the back And declare you victorious whilst you now knowing crap over a fellow woman? Because he’s an ass and so are you. You share in it as you are now aware he has a girlfriend, yet you engage with him chasing you still- hoping he will actually – for your personal ego kick. you ARE an embarrassment- no cyber bullying to be had, I’d say it to your face as easy I promise you that. What a disgraceful way to behave.
When you are cheated on by someone you care about it will be karma, so look in the mirror and expect no sympathy. People are rea ting as they are because they can’t believe your lack of insight and desperation for his attention at all cost.Preston
OP, to maybe give more insight into what men’s sex drive is really like and how this might produce the behavior you experienced– I’m mostly gay and post on some of the gay dating/hookup sites. There you have two men with equally urgent (let’s say explosive) sexual needs and an equal lack of need for commitment. NSA hookups are the rule. Anything as “radical” as FWB is a pretty big exception. And really mostly just the older guys who have gotten tired of years of charades and whose sex drive has cooled off are interested in relationships. A huge number of the relationships are “open”, which means the guys have agreed to play on the side and keep each other posted (they hope). Ghosting is the way you end something that’s getting out of hand. Men in my tribe tend to be hurt, jaded and hardened.
I was married to a woman for 20 years so I understand first hand, I think, a woman’s desire for something more– for romance and heart-to-heart connection. It’s legit and beautiful, but it is not the core of what is male. (My break up had nothing to do with sexual orientation– I was faithful to her and we have two teen children). I guess I’m saying men have sex on the brain as priority #1 and are driven to get it. The person who I think expresses this difference between women and men the most clearly (and is guaranteed to make you belly laugh) is Pastor Mark Gungor.
The guys who are going to provide the heartfelt, lasting relationship that most women really desire are the ones with lasting strong positive values or maybe a religious background that provides a strong internal compass.
The guy you had a fling with clearly has a craving for sex outside his relationship, or more of it than he is getting. He went out and got it from you and will probably do that again with a number of women. Don’t bother to try to get him interested again.
To provide the “more” that a woman desires– commitment, relationship of the heart, etc, takes a different kind of man. The guy you encountered would likely not ever provide that for you. Even just a little bit of romance takes a lot of work from a guy. It’s a guy who has the deep-seated values plus the sex drive who will put all that energy into something that is more than casual or more than even basic FWB.
All this may seem off-base to some ppl who read it. It’s just my honest experience, fwiw.
I’m trying to find romance, genuine friends, and heart-connection in the gay community. Wish me luck, I need it!
Aida
@Preston, all luck to you finding what you’re looking for!
Regarding your advice:
“To provide the “more” that a woman desires– commitment, relationship of the heart, etc, takes a different kind of man. The guy you encountered would likely not ever provide that for you.”
This is completely off-base. You say “that a woman desires” as if all women desire the same thing. All women do not desire what you say they do. All women are different. The OP in particular clearly stated she didn’t want a relationship. She wanted a FWB situation for a short period. A lot of posters are acting like that’s not really what she wanted but I see no reason to doubt her. All she wanted was good sex, and she was disappointed when what she thought would be an easy FWB setup got so complicated.
It’s patronizing to ignore what a woman says she wants and instead say she wants exactly what ALL women want. There is no “all women want.” We’re all different.
Justin
Using the words IN GENERAL would have been helpful.
There are some fundamental differences between men and women in general.
Here’s another one that does not apply to everyone: men tend to be takers, women tend to be givers, IN GENERAL, imo. This also causes problems in the gay community (for the men). Lesbian couples tend to have wonderful relationships IN GENERAL, in my experience.
Hannah K.
I am hearing the good advice, not that I am ignoring everything and definitely not expecting encouragement. @Junior’s point on emotional affair was a very good one for example, much like the suggestion that I need to leave him to deal with his relationship issues.
But many of the other posters are abusing me assuming that I am craving him to contact me again and desperately hoping that I will have sex with him again – which is not true! If these assumptions are based on the fact that I haven’t blocked him and I replied to his text trying to to ease him when he texted me about gf finding out let me tell you this – I have never blocked anyone on my phone or on any social media platform. Not my abusive ex bf, not my ex husband, not friends I fallen out badly. No matter what a person does blocking him as if he had never existed in my life feels like an over reaction to me. I can see why people might do that but I have simply not felt the need and I hope I never will.
You are obviously free to think or believe into anything even that means misinterpreting my post. But it’d be nice if people remind themselves that there are real people on the other end of the screen before calling a stranger an embarrassment, a dishonest person, a stupid woman or a wh@re. It’s such a disappointment to see that people are still attacking me and each other. If this is how posters here are choosing to communicate I am not engaging in this conversation anymore.
Amanda
Why would you say, “Maybe he will treat me like dirt…” This is telling. Because it tells you expect him to treat you like something. A respectful person in this situation is not going to have him treat her like ANYTHING, because she is no longer going to have contact with him. You don’t get that.
Hannah
So I’m a bit confused here. Are you planning to keep in touch with him or ignore him? I hope you’re going to ignore the creep. Sex won’t be fun knowing he’s got a girlfriend who’ll be devastated and that he may well have put his thing in her just before he saw you anyway.
Angie
2 years later and this is still so relevant!!!
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