Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Has anyone here ever dated an investment banker?
- This topic has 19 replies and was last updated 7 years, 9 months ago by
Nelly.
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Linda
Hi guys, so here is my story. I met this guy through an online dating app a few months ago. We really hit it off right from the beginning and were taking things at our own pace. The first month was great, he called, texted, we saw each other on the weekends until he started to get super busy at work so we started seeing each other only once a week, then only once every two weeks. He recently joined his firm as an associate investment banker so he is pretty much new to the banking world. I also work in finance but my schedule is pretty normal. I had always known that investment bankers work crazy hours but i didn’t really know to what extent.
As I mentioned before, we starting seeing each other less and less and his excuse was always that he was extremely busy at work. He always re-affirmed me that he missed me and that this period of crazy work would be over soon and he would be all mine.
Two weeks ago I had had enough so I decided to end things. We hadn’t seen each other in 3 weeks and this just wasn’t ok in my book. I told him we shouldn’t see each other anymore as he had a lot on his plate and dating at the moment wasn’t a good idea. He apologized again for being so busy but I just left it at that.
My question is, was he playing me or do investment bankers (specially new ones) do work to the extent that they cannot see someone for two weeks straight? He seemed to genuinely like me and every moment we spend together was great. We both wanted to hold off on having sex so it’s not like he was using me for that and then disappeared. I guess I was left wondering, what was the point of it all? At the end it felt like he was just stringing me along.
I guess now i’m second guessing my decision. Did I make the right move by walking away? I am so confused. Did a let go of someone great or was he really playing me? Any kind of advice is welcomed!
Jade
I haven’t but he could well have been busy. My husband isn’t an investment banker but there were a couple times we went 2 weeks without seeing each other but kept in touch.
Jade
Did he stay in touch during those 3 weeks?
Phillygirl
I work in the industry. Depending on what deals they are working on, they can have periods where they work long days and are very busy. Especially if he’s new to the profession. The grunts have to prove their merit and often get dumped on with more work.
That said, it is a testosterone fueled industry, filled with a large number of players. Especially if he’s on Wall Street. I generally avoid stereotypes, but I’ve also been doing this long enough to give you some real life perspective.
They usually make very good money. The money and the power often go to their heads, and womanizing is considered a sport by a large majority of them (especially if they haven’t calmed down, and gotten in a serious relationship/have a family. Even then, some continue running around.
Are you certain you two are exclusive? I ask, because I’d bet money he’s seeing/sleeping with other women.
And it’s NEVER a mistake to cut someone loose who is not on the same page/looking for the same type of relationship you are. It’s SMART. The only way to find what you want is to let go of anything that isn’t fitting (or progressing) down that path.
alia
If seeing somebody once every three weeks is not OK with you, it doesn’t matter what we think or speculate. My take on this would be that he wanted sex and since he wasn’t getting it, he wasn’t interested in putting in much effort in seeing you. Developing a real relationship was not this man’s goal, so the sooner you cut your losses, the better, if a relationship is what you wanted.
Linda
He did keep in touch for those weeks we didn’t see each other but he wasn’t really checking in every day. He would just let me know he missed me and that was that. Also, he was the one who wanted to hold off on the sex, not me. I mean i was happy he brought it up because i wanted to take things slow so a part of me was left wondering, if he didn’t want sex, then what was he playing me for?
Nikki
I’ve been with two. I agree with Phillygirl. Yes they are really busy, especially if he’s new. I think it’s ok to give this one the benefit of the doubt that he’s actually busy, if the rest is good and he’s treating well and with respect. When I dated these guys (currently with 2nd), I gave it time and observed and that worked well. But if you’re not happy, then it’s good you ended things. I think you handled things well.
About the kinds of people you meet-yes there’s defiantly a lot of the type Phillygirl mentioned. The guys I’ve dated told me “Wolf of Wall Street” is accurate (of course, depending on the workplace). But there’s a lot of guys who are genuine in that field, really time and observation will tell.
Nikki
I don’t see anything here that suggests he was playing you. In order to truly know, time will tell and looking at how he treats you, and if things were progressing (with time).
Linda
Thanks everyone and Nikki- yes he was always respectful and sweet. He shared a lot of intimate details with me and we really connected as time went by. That is why it caught me so off guard when he started to work that much. I am usually pretty good at spotting players but perhaps there is a new breed of them out there who are just really good at pretending; i mean it is New York after all.
We haven’t spoken since I broke things off. He sent me the last text apologizing for being so crazy busy and i just left it at that. Like some of you say, i wasn’t happy because there was no way i was going to be able to build a relationship with someone that is never there. I think it would have been easier if we had something solid prior to him going into this new job but starting something new seems impossible.
Phillygirl
I work with many of them, and they tend to be talkers. I’ve heard many an exploit.
I also work with a large number of men in this industry who are faithful husbands and fathers, but even they will admit to being whorehounds in their younger days.
Wolf of Wall Street is an ugly (but not innacurate) lifestyle for many of these guys. Especially the young, good looking ones.
I don’t see anything in particular that tells me this guy is necessarily doing that, but his lack of time with you is enough. Some of them will have women in their current rotation of who they are sleeping with, and they keep others tethered for when it’s their turn. Just sayin’.
I say that the fact you two obviously want different things in life and relationship-wise right now, is a good enough reason to let him go.
Completely agree with Alia.
Linda
Thanks everyone for your comments. Also he is not super young, he is 30. He had a different profession before, went to business school and started investment banking this past summer. Not that that is any indication that his whorehound days are over but i now find it strange that i met him on a dating app. It makes me wonder, if he is really that busy, why join a dating app if you really that busy?
kaye
Glad to see Phillygirl chimed in on this one since she knows what may of these guys are like!! If it’s only been a few months and you’re going weeks without seeing each other then I’d be interested to know just how many times you’ve actually seen each other since you met. Because on the one hand he just started a new job in what is a very busy industry. But on the other hand you met on a dating app so he could have multiple women he’s seeing and that’s why it takes so long to get a date with him! It’s so easy to send an I miss you text. Even easier to copy it to multiple women!!
Linda
Kaye- you are 100% right. He could be dating so many girls that he simply couldn’t keep up with all of us but i guess i liked him enough to want to give him the benefit of the doubt. I guess I’ll never really know and i’ll just have to get over it.
Linda
oh and we must’ve seen each other 10+ times since we started dating. I wasn’t keeping count but like i said, the first month we were together, it was great and then the crazy deals came.
Phillygirl
Linda, most of them don’t even start to really settle down till mid-late thirties. Some NEVER do.
Like I said, hate to stereotype, but if the shoes fits…It has a lot to do with still being a male dominated profession, dealing with insane amounts of money, and feeling like they are on top of the world. It’s heady and powerful, they get intoxicated by it. That, combined with a crazy work schedule is not a great mix.
I hate to say it (but have to). If you never discussed if you were exclusive, I will bet money he is sleeping with others. That’s why he didn’t need to push it with you, his needs are currently met elsewhere. They often have a long list of women they line up, for when they are bored, horny or want attention. I could be wrong of course, but as I said, I’ve seen it, and many of my guy friends tell me everything. I don’t date men at work.
The one exception I made was typical of what I say to avoid. That’s why I won’t date men at work again. VERY, very charming at first. Till you really got to know him.
L
Moral of story? They don’t invest in YOU
Phillygirl
They invest in whatever makes Mr. Penis happy
Phillygirl
but they do it with YOUR emotional capital…
Eva
It’s plausible that he’s so busy he can’t see you during the week, but he for sure could find some time during the weekend. I’m in banking myself and depending on a project we work crazy hours sometimes. Male colleagues in 20s are mostly single and kind of are baby versions of wolf of wall street (though taken ones tend to be faithful), while those in 30s mostly settled down.
But it doesn’t really matter whether he’s really too busy or not, if you aren’t happy with the time he allocated to you, you’re free to move on. Don’t question it. You ended it peacefully so he’s free to contact you if he decides he can allocate more time to you…
Nelly
Not too sure about the kind of hours they put in but my partner works up to 75 hours a week (including day/night shifts) and he always makes time for me. We have only been together for a few months. I guess you could give him the benefit of the doubt but a general rule is if they aren’t making time for you then you aren’t a priority for him. Also think about what you want and need rather than trying to justify/explain the behaviours. Even if he is interested, are you happy to see someone once every 2 weeks?
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