Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Has he dumped me?
- This topic has 14 replies and was last updated 1 year, 8 months ago by
Mary.
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Sharon
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 7months and it’s been long distance. Everything was ok and we were serious and had a goal to make it to marriage. Now, we’ve not spoken for three weeks. I have reached out by calling once then followed with a text asking why he’s distant and he ignored me.
What do you guys think, should I move on? And has he moved on?Natz
Okay first thing, do you know any of his friends or family that can confirm he’s not in a hospital somewhere?
If he’s okay, then he copped out here. Ghosted.
Long distance isn’t for everyone as time goes by.
He might be back in touch I’m sure, however I wouldn’t give him the time of day again.
Sharon
I know he’s alive 😀 myb I should say before he went silent he was under a lot of stress. He realized that he has a call of God in his life. I know that’s true because I also have seen it for him -i hope that makes sense.
My issue is the silence. I know its a tough thing to sort out but if there is no communication in long distance relationship then there is literally nothing
Idk, I’m in my feelingsRaven
After Three Weeks of silence, why haven’t YOU pulled the plug?
Sharon
Accepting rejection is hard. I think I’m scared of that
Maddie
Whether or not he’s ghosting you to end the relationship or is quiet for some other reason, consider it this way. This is someone who pulls away from you under stress instead of turning towards you as a partner. It’s important to learn this stuff while still dating, and sometimes it just takes time for a person to show you who they really are, longer when long-distance is involved. So rather than thinking about it as rejection, you should think about it as, do you really want a potential husband who could completely stonewall you for 3 weeks just because they’re under stress?? And then decide what YOU want to do from there. I would personally not recommend a partner like that.
Sharon
Thank you ladies for the responses and advice.
It’s been a one sided relationship now, I just needed reassurance before letting go.
Its really hard but I’ll let go
Thank you allSToW
[deleted useless post]
Raven
@SToW, stay in your cave…
tallspicy
STOW – any person who disappears without a word for 3 weeks should be dumped. 3 weeks is not a man in a cave, it is a man child who should not be dating another adult.
A few days max with someone you are in a relationship with to disappear (aka stonewalling). GoodMen who need to be in their caves, say – I need a little chill time to work, will reach out in a few days, they do not just disappear completely. What you are describing a an avoidant man. And some women can date avoidants, but on this forum are not secure enough to.
As to the poster, it feels like rejection and I am so sorry for that, but your next man will show you that he did you a favor.
Sharon
Can I ask you stow.
It sounds like you’re a man.
What do you think I should do ? For example if he reaches out to me after time goes by. Just be cool and forget that the silence was there? .
And thank you for your answer its good to get a guys opinion sometimes.Khadija
Sorry but, I’d consider this a break up. Regardless of what’s stressing him, ignoring you simply isn’t ok. He may reach out later but consider this, how he is behaving now is a good indicator of how things will continue to be. Would you really want a husband that gives you the silent treatment?
Maddie
Men can take space to figure stress and their stuff out if they want.
But if they are also mature, they will use their words to very simply say, “I’m dealing with some stuff and need some space.” Especially after dating for several months. Being respectful of the other person you’re in a relationship with does not mean being attached at the hip at all or talking every detail through ad naesium. It does mean being present enough to engage in basic levels of communication so the significant other isn’t totally confused and blindsided.
If instead, taking space means 3 weeks of stonewalling and zero contact without warning, that has nothing to do with being male, that has everything to do with a lack of emotional availability for a partnership. Especially since Sharon said there’s already a history between them of having a one-sided relationship.
Sharon, taking advice that men should treat women this way will not get you the kind of relationship you’re looking for, but will get you more of the behavior you’re already receiving, either from this current guy or similar future partners. You’ll need to decide if you’re okay with that. There’s really no need to second-guess yourself, though, when you already sound like you know what your gut has been telling you. Don’t ignore your instincts just because you’d prefer to hope for a different outcome. Rejection stinks for everyone, but it can also make you eventually available for other situations that are a better fit and don’t leave you unhappy and hoping for crumbs.
Mary
Absolutely you should more forward. The truth will be revealed at some point.
Mary
Sharon, I would also see the situation as a gift from the universe to begin loving yourself more. The universe will do that to make a person grow.
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