Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Have lost sleep again
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 1 year, 5 months ago by
mama.
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Kish
I am 28 years old. My last two relationships were very traumatising for me. It was so bad that I developed insomnia. It has been 1.5 years since my last breakup. I took therapy etc to get better. And fixed my sleep problems and other issues.
A male friend of mine has always tried to date me since 3
2010 but I never got along with him. However, in the last one year we went on dates. He was very respectful of the fact that I wanted to go slow, did not want to engage physically or even kiss etc. He said thats okay when you comfortable that’s when I will feel comfortable too. I greatly enjoyed the dates and the last two times we met I sort of started liking him and probably he sensed that so he came a little close and we kissed lightly on the lips, he kissed on my neck and shoulders. And I loved it so much. After 1.5 years I felt a man’s touch again and loved it. Since then I have started feeling very scared of developing feelings again. I started overthinking whether he’s nice or not. I started getting scared that it will also end like all other relationships again I will end up broken and depressed. And this all has caused me to lose my sleep again. I have not been able to sleep since the last 5-6 days. I don’t want to lose a good guy like him who is so understanding of my situation. He wants to have a serious relationship with me that ends in marriage. But I just don’t trust that. I trust my past where everybody left me. I really don’t want to go through the pain of heartbreak and separation again in life ever. I don’t know what to do. And I was secretly waiting to finally like someone after my ex. I lost all attraction for any guy after my breakup. But here I am again getting attracted to a man who treats me so well but I am so so scared that I can’t sleep. Please share your thoughtsEwa
seems like you have avoidant attachment style. I know getting into a relationship can be scary because you worry about what if, but please enjoy and be in the moment. You had 2 bad breakups but you are still alive and seem to be happy, then think about it this way, it broke you but you are not broken. Always be grateful for your past because it teaches you things and if this new guy leaves one day then it wasn’t meant to be as cliche as it sounds.
Kish
I never want to lose sleep over a guy again. It’s terrible. I feel so scared of catching feelings. Does this in anyway mean I am maybe still not ready for a new relationship? I am so terrified I feel like I will end up distancing myself from this guy or sabotaging this in some other way. How do I manage my emotions?
tammy
I think you take things way too seriously and forget to enjoy and live in the moment. No friendship or relationship or love affair comes with guarantee or specific time period. today things may go well and you guys may fall in love. but who knows what the future holds? things may translate into long term or not? not just him, even you need to get to know the person well enough to figure whether there could be a possible long term relationship with the guy. whether you guys are compatible?
I think you need to seek therapy to deal with your anxiety. or you may ruin all chances bec of your anxiety issues.
Kish
I have not always been like that. I used to be a very chilled out person. But after these mind-boggling and manipulative relationships I feel I have changed as a person. I want to be more careful of people around me. I want to be less trusting. These relationships had a very bad impact on me emotionally and I had to take antidepressants….. And all this has left me scarred and I am scared of love and relationships now. I do want to have a connection with someone but now that I am in the process of developing one I am not able to do it. I am just scared. I don’t really feel that guys like me now, and it has nothing to do with low self esteem or confidence. I just feel they are trying to manipulate me to get s*x. I just don’t even believe that things like love etc are even real. I just believe once the love bomb is over, I will get sh**y treatment only or I will find out they have someone. I can’t explain. But I just don’t trust anybody. And then the thought of a breakup just makes me wanna swear of men for all my life. :(
Sam
Tammy is right. You need to seek therapy. Not being able to sleep for days due to fear of a new potential relationship is alarming..
Your past is in the past and you should learn from it, not let it completely shut you down like this. It’s not healthy.
Maddie
Your fears have nothing to do with him. You can’t just will yourself to get over this. It’s okay to need to seek professional guidance. You don’t deserve to sabotage every relationship and always be alone because the minute you get close to someone your body reacts with such a huge stress response that you can’t sleep! That’s very unfair to you, you need to try something different to overcome it once and for all, which in this case will be therapy.
Kaya
Sounds like you’ve got PTSD. You’re gonna blow this up for sure if you don’t get some professional help.
mama
Yep, not ready. If you have any respect for this man you will back off explain you aren’t ready and let him go. He sounds like he’s going to try and “save” you… which is as bad as what you’re dealing with.
End this, get some more therapy to get yourself in a good place and try again in a few months or years.
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