He (24M) broke up with me (26F) because he's going to be deployed to Afghanistan

Some important information first: I’m a 26 year old German lawyer and he’s a 24 year old Medic in the American Special Forces. Chances of me being able to work as a lawyer in a non European country are pretty slim. He has 4 years left on his contract and said that he wants to study medicine after he’s done. He has been stationed in my city in Germany since February and we’ve been dating for a little over 2 months.

I met him on Hinge back in June, we quickly met and immediately hit it off. He was an absolute gentleman, showered me with compliments and showed a lot of interest in me. So we kept meeting a lot and our relationship just got better and better. I thought I had finally found the one. Someone who treats me right and who likes me the way I am. But at the same time I thought it seemed to good to be true because most of my previous relatonships had been very abusive or toxic. Most of the time guys only treated me as an object or as a mere friend with benefits, so I was very scared that things would end up the same way with him.

So when he told me he had to go to Florida for 4 weeks after several weeks of dating for some kind of training that he never really specified, I became very anxious. I thought we’d drift apart and he’d forget about me. And just as I had feared, he started texting less and less. He used to text me everyday but after he left he kept leaving me on read for days at a time and I had no clue why he kept doing that. Whenever he texted me, he was very sweet though. He would text things like ”hey beautiful how are you doing” or ”hey babe how was your day”. From what I understand, babe doesn’t necessarily imply serious intentions. It could be used for all kinds of girls in your life. So I asked him in which category of the word babe I fall and he then said that he assumed that the two of us were exclusive. I didn’t know what exactly being exclusive really meant since this type of relationship label doesn’t exist in my language. But I thought it was a good sign and left it at that.

After he got back from Florida he wanted to meet me immediately and when I met him, everything was great, maybe even better than before. It felt like we had a genuine connection and he really showed that he liked me quite a bit. We met one more time that same week and I was incredibly happy.

But even despite all that his texting habits were still very odd to me. He still kept leaving me on read for days and I still didn’t know why. This had happened to me with several other guys before, so for me it seemed clear that he wasn’t interested in me anymore because if you’re interested in someone you’d want to talk to them as much as possible right? I wasn’t sure about it though, because whenever I was with him it felt like the exact opposite of losing interest. The relationship wasn’t purely physical either. He was content with just cooking together and cuddling and stuff as well.

So because my anxiety was through the roof and he was supposed to leave for Texas for four more weeks on Tuesday, I just couldn’t take it anymore and decided to talk things through with him. So we face timed and I explained my point of view to him. I told him that him leaving me on read all the time really hurts my feelings and that it feels like he isn’t interested anymore. He apologized several times and felt visibly bad about hurting me. He told me that he wasn’t losing interest in me at all. He said that I’m a beautiful, smart, funny and kind woman and that anyone would be lucky to have me. He said that he really liked me and we should probably talk about where this is going and what we want from this relationship. He said that he can see that I’m very serious about him and that he’s also serious about me. And if we kept this up, things would just keep getting more serious. He said that I deserve someone who can give me a lot of attention and who’d always be there for me and that he can’t even promise to do that. He said that he’d be gone a lot, sometimes on short notice, sometimes without being able to tell me where he’s going or what he’s doing. He also said that he’d be deployed to Afghanistan for at least 6 months in January and that that’s why he’s going to be gone for training a lot. He also told me that I need to consider the fact that he might not come back alive if he goes there and asked if I’d be able to deal with that. He said that asking me to always wait for him would be unfair and that he can’t help but feel like he’s wasting my time because of my career goals. He also seemed to be scared of how things would change if he’d be gone for so long without being able to contact me. Because of something that happened with an ex gf of his he seemed to think that I would turn into a different person while he’s gone and potentially even cheat on him. He was also scared that he wouldn’t be able to focus while he’s in Afghanistan if he was constantly worrying about me and that that would ultimately cost someone’s life. Because apparantly he had been distracted at work because of me lately and even got scolded by his superior. So he said that he would have to end things with me right before he leaves for his deployment anyway and would maybe want to continue where things left off if he comes back here and we both still feel the same. But again, he said that that would be unfair considering what I want and what I deserve. So he gave me some time to think things through. Which I did.

The next day we called again and I told him that I understand his job and that he didn’t need to worry about me because I’d be able to deal with what was coming. I explained that I wouldn’t just be sitting here twiddling my thumbs, because I was going to be very busy with my job anyway. I explained that now that I know the reason of his inconsistent texting, I was fine with it. Because it wasn’t because he lost interest in me after all. He said that he really appreciates that I’m so understanding and that he also thought about our situation. He then said that it would be better for both of us to just end things right here before things get even more serious. He said that I would inevitably keep getting hurt because of his job and his absence all of the time. He said that he would love to offer me what I want – a committed relationship – but that that just wasn’t very realistic because of his job. He said that I deserve the world but he wouldn’t be able to give that to me. I would always come second after his job. I could tell that this was hard for him and me crying probably didn’t make things easier either. He said that he’d give me some space, but that he’d still be there for me if I ever need to talk. I was so overwhelmed and hurt, so I told him that whenever a relationship ends, I just disappear. I told him that if someone breaks up with me, they’ll never see me or hear from me again. I also told him that I was hurt by the decision he made (for my well-being) but that ultimately nothing I could say or do would change his mind. So all that’s left for me is accepting his decision and moving on with me life.

That’s how our last call ended. I feel like I can’t move on with my life or get over him. I’ve been crying for pretty much 24h straight and I feel completely lost. I hated all of my exes because of what they had done to me and for the way they had treated me. So getting over them was easier, because I could keep telling myself that they were trash anyway and that I’d find someone better. But this time, I can’t bring myself to hate him. I’ve fallen for him – hard. I’ve never been treated with so much love and care before and he’s by far the most attractive guy I’ve ever dated. I don’t think I’ll ever find someone as good or better. The thought of never seeing him again and never even knowing if he’s still alive is crushing. I feel completely lost, as though some part of me is missing.

Tl;dr: American soldier I was dating broke up with me for my sake because things were getting serious between us and he’s going to be deployed to Afghanistan for 6 months and even before that won’t be able to spend much time with me or give me the attention I deserve because he’s constantly away training for his deployment. He thinks he’ll only hurt me in the process and asking me to wait around for him would be very unfair towards me. I can’t stop thinking about him and I can’t see myself getting over him because I’ve really fallen for him. I really don’t know what to do.

I really need some advice. Should I text him and ask him to contact me/give me a quick call when/if he comes back from Afghanistan and maybe see how we feel about each other then – no strings attached? Or should I just give up and potentially lose my soulmate? Is there maybe anyone here who has dealt with something similiar?

(sorry for any spelling mistakes etc., I’m not a native speaker, so please have mercy ;D)