He broke it off due to trust issues- is there any hope left?

Do the things you promised to do, work on your stuff & get therapy … Not for him tho – for You.

Hi Sarah. Ok so you have split now its almost like you have a self destruct button here and have driven this guy away, knew you were doing so and are now left wondering what just happened. I think you need to address your issues here before you even contemplate trying to go back to dating anyone and especially not this guy. It sounds like you have given this poor guy nothing but hassle and grief and I dont blame him for leaving you as who in reality would want to be in a relationship full of distrust and drama and you said it yourself you were never happy. What you need to do now is work on yourself or every relationship you get into will end up going down the same road. So for now what do you think you have to do to find security and self esteem and confidence within, no other person or relationship can give this to you and you are on a slippery slope if you think a good man or relationship is what makes you whole, complete and happy. It all comes from within and if youre messed up so will your relationships be. So how do you change the mindset that you have that all men are cheaters and no good ?
You need to do some serious soul searching and healing here. How did you get so messed up ? Are you a drama queen ? How do you change this pattern or it will happen over and over ? I think you will get some good advice on here that will help but you need to take it and you need to leave this guy well alone for now until you sort yourself out. It wont be easy trying to change yourself but it will be worth it in the long run. Have you got friends and family that can help you through this as well. Its always a good idea to keep busy with others when things are hard. Good luck. x

Let this one go but learn from your mistakes. No man can possibly be with you 24/7 and never interact with another female and if he did would you really respect him. Learn confidence and build your self esteem so that when you do move on, you will know that even if someone does mistreat you it won’t matter because you’re worth more than that and won’t hesitate to walk away. I’ve been in your shoes and you can and will turn it around x

I think there is hope for you not this relationship.
He needs his space and time to heal from all the mistrust and accusations. If you really love him give him that.

As for you I really think you need to work on yourself. I saw a lot of insecurities, jealousy, and mistrust. Dig within yourself to discover the root cause.

I hope in time you can become a woman that is confident, fun to be around, and trusting in others.
Best of luck to you!

One thing that keeps bothering me though is why he had to have contact with his ex again after only 2 days of being broken up with me. It feel as if he couldn’t wait to break up with me in order to be in contact with her again.

Sarah its never good to be told what you can and cant do by somebody. I would hate that. I have many male pals that mean a lot to me but its platonic i dont fancy them. If any guy told me i couldnt be pals with them i would be livid. You have to let this go, do your work on yourself and really sort your head out. Forget about all the drama with this relationship and start the work on yourself right away and focus on that for now. x

It’s just so hard to let go, because I really do love him and it breaks my heart to have to live without him. I cry every day, I can’t sleep at night, I have actual physical heart ache for the first time in my life. I just wish I knew what else I could do.

It’s been a week now… he hasn’t contacted me at all. I of course don’t want to contact him first either, I understand I need to give him distance now. It’s just so hard. I wish I would just contact him and ask for forgiveness, and ask him how he is doing, and whether we can try again. But I know I shouldn’t do so. And I know it wouldn’t bring anything, at least not until I have searched for help. I’ve started going to the gym last Thursday, I’m not a physical person usually- haven’t done any exercises in the past 10 years, but I know it will help me to get confidence and self-worth back which I also need in order to feel confident in a relationship. I have arranged two first appointments with two different psychotherapists next week, will see which one seems a better fit for me. So I am looking for ways to help myself. But it doesn’t help not being able to sleep, not being able to eat, not being able to concentrate after the breakup. At work last week I had situations where I started breaking down and into tears for no specific reason. It just hurts so much to have to realize that I lost him and that he doesn’t even contact me now to ask how I am doing and dealing with it. It would all be so much easier if I had him by my side to go through it together with me. At some moments I get so mad and think to myself “if he doesn’t love me at my worst, then he doesn’t deserve to love me at my best. If he is not by my side right now when I have to deal with all of this, then I am not sure if I want him by my side again once I am better. Love is not easy, shouldn’t be only comfortable, it takes two people to be there for each other during the worst and best moments.’

Sarah I have recently gone through the samething, and did something close to the samething. And every once in a while I have to poke him to see if he still will jump. But my issue was he was texting another woman just weeks after we got engaged. I had been cheated on in all my previous relationships. But I told him that I felt uncomfortable with him texting her. I told him that would make me feel more comfortable was for him to show me the texts (he constantly gose through my phone even now when we are not together) or to meet her. I would tell me his phone is right there and not locked and I can go through it because he has nothing to hide. I am not that kind of person who will just take someone’s phone and go through it because that is not who I am. I told him that I would prefer if he showed me the texts to put me at more ease. I knew he was not cheating and would never cheat. We moved in with my cousin and her husband (who is my ex’s “best friend”). When he would text this other female I would joking ask him if he was texting his girlfriend. His “best friend” would ask him why am I accusing him of cheating. I never once used the word cheating, but because of the “best friend” he decided that we should break up, and said that my jealousy was getting way to out of hand. The worst I did was ask him if he was texting his girlfriend. I also would point out the women who would give him the googly eyes. He would never see them because he doesn’t want them. He says that once I am happy and figure out my issues then maybe we will get back together. We have been hooking up on a regular basis since we broke up, and we also still live in the same house. We have been seeking around and fucking, but everyone knows we are fucking. The only thing we are not doing is sleeping in the same bed because he thinks that it will give me mixed emotions. How is fucking, and not sleeping in the same bed not giving the wrong impression? I am doing a good job at keeping my feelings at bay, but now he is ignoring me and I just have to get how I really feel and how I have always felt off my chest because it is killing me. So, I wrote him a letter telling him how I feel, and how dumb it was that he broke up with me because of his “best friend.” Need help please!! I don’t know what else to do. He also keeps asking me if I am fucking anyone because I went to the bar a few weeks back with some coworkers. What do I do?

I know a lot of people here are blaming you and dissing you, but I understand your feelings because I’ve been in the same situation and I’d do exactly the same things and my bf said ‘I’m crazy and I exaggerate and create things that are not true and he cant take it anymore. But I just told him It bothered me that he is in regular contact with the girls who liked him and the girls he used to like but he said I was accusing him and I’m crazy! I didnt accuse him at all. I’ve been in your shoes, I know how it feels :( – I suggest you work on your confidence and self love which will teach you not to give a f to anyone or anything. Then you’ll be able to move on. Men like confident women and if you can just show that, he may end up being the one chasing you. No one is more important than yourself, you deserve more love and respect. Be brave and strong and move on, let go and you’ll find inner peace. Positive things will happen. Good luck xx

Thank you for all the advice. With the letter that I wrote him seemed to work. I feel better because I got all my feelings out to him, and he and I talked quit a bit this morning before he left to go to work. He told me that he dose have feelings for me, but we are not getting back together right now. I told him that I still have a lot to work on and I don’t mean right now. I told him slowly get back in the groove. We kind of rushed things right from the start, and I was only out of my pervious relationship for just a short time. Which I thought I was over, but there was things that kept coming back up and it made it worse for me to get over and move on with the new. I think we will work something out together. And I know that he is not going to jump into bed with the next girl he see because I am still the one he sees. I want to take things slowly and help myself get over my problems.

I think that this guy’s behaviour triggered your insecurities. It is true that your trust issues need to be treated, but you also need a person who has same values and sensibilities as you.