Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › He broke up because he's moving
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Hero123.
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Amy
My now ex-boyfriend has to go to singapore to do national service for 2 years. On tuesday we hanged out and he told me over lunch that we cant be together anymore because of it and that he wants us to still stay friends, wants me in his life. He was all over me before lunch, and after he told me he was still kissing me. Once it sunk in I started crying in front of him. He was supposed to stay the night at mine, but he said it was probably best if he didnt. I won’t see him again as he’s going inter railing for a month. He was going to come back for a week before he went to Singapore in August but he’s chosen against it. He said he was so happy with me, and that if he stayed in London hed still be with me. His parents have decided its the right thing for him. I know it is too for his future. I really adored him, and I’ve got to get used to him not calling as much. That upsets me, our conversations I find are hard as I still like him a lot. I just dont want to settle for friends, as then I just become another girl. I know he is hurting too, he said he was over me last night, which made me really upset as it made me feel like I was nothing to him. But he told me I knew he cared about me. But then once we carried on talking he said he did miss me and of course he was really upset. He said he will still call me from time to time to see how I am, that I’m still upset at the moment and he will call me in a couple of days. I dont know if staying in contact with him is a good idea?
As I still have feelings for him, I still want him as my boyfriend. I want what I can’t have. I’m just upset that he isnt going to be in my life the same way as before. All I can do is except it and move on. Last night on Skype I got really upset as now hes obviously single he can do what he wants, and I know over interrailing if an opportunity comes up for him to get laid he will do it. As he can have sex without feeling any emotions, where as I can’t. It just upsets me, I don’t really know why. But its just that feeling of him moving on.
This hurts more than previous break ups because I know he still likes me, so its a shitty situation. What do I do?
Sin
Hi Amy, I am really sorry about this and big hugs to you. But yes, people operate differently in love. The fact that he seems holding up okay after the break up, does not mean he is not feeling like how you are. I can bet on the fact that he is going through the same emotions as you are. Unfortunately as much as he likes you, he has decided to pick his career over being in a relationship. I am sure he loves you a lot but sometimes that is not enough. It’s about what you do with the love. Now, another guy in his situation could have asked the girl to marry him/ discussed possibilities of moving with him to where he is going, but this guy did not. It’s the case of his career being more important than love at this point.
Sometimes relationships don’t workout the way you want them to and it sucks and during the time of the break-up you feel like this is worse than any previous experience but give it time. Let your wounds heal, focus on loving yourself and surround yourself with friends and family and vent it out via a workout/ long disucssions, whatever makes you feel better.
Also please move on with your life and who knows what the future will bring. You’ll be fine. Just give it time! xx
Amy
Thank you Sin, I needed that. I’m starting university in september I know its not the end of the world, its just I dont know after I’m not upset anymore. If I should stay friends with him? I know I will still have feelings for him, even once I accept it.
Sin
Hi Amy,
I have gone through something similar and even posted it in one of my earlier posts. The ex was moving to another country there too. At the start I wanted to stay friends as that meant we’d be in touch and there could be a possibility to get into something in the near/ far future. However that is a really bad idea at the moment IMO as it will make things complicated. I’d say do an NC with him for a couple of months or more (Depending on how long you’ll have dated for). Once the NC is over see if you have moved on and if he has moved on. Once you have moved on you can stay friends with your ex, not at this crucial stage.
Best,
SinSnarkySab
Amy,
I think you need to let him know that you need several months away from him in order to get over the breakup. Let him know that you’ll contact him if you think you can manage to be “just friends” after the 6 months to 1 year has passed.
I say this because if you remain his friend, hearing about him partying and getting laid will crush you and make you miserable. You need time to recover since sex means nothing to him and a lot to you, and he’ll be giving it to every pretty girl he finds out there.
Go to school, surround yourself with friends, allow yourself some time to mourn, then wipe your eyes, pick yourself up, and move on.
JR
I was in your situation last yr. I was in a relationship for almost two years and my ex is in the air force and he was going to be deployed to Oman for 3 yrs…around the globe lol. He told me 6 months before he was leaving. I was devastated! I was so sad thinking, what the F you don’t want to try to have a long distance? How can you be happy without me?
We talked about it and realistically things wouldn’t work plus with him being active duty he would always move every 3 yrs unless we were married and we were both not ready for marriage at that point. It took me 3 months to get over it. I told him that I need some space but I still had feelings for him. He reached out after a month and we stayed friends, in fact we had a few fun hang outs before he left the U.S.. I mentally moved on and actually met someone else and started a new thing which lasted 3 months but it was a nice distraction which I needed. Now almost 2 yrs later we are still good friends no romantic feelings at all, in fact I tell him my current romantic issues with my guy and he helps me when he can.
Amy
So just an update on this post. i’ve not had much contact with him because he has gone interrailing, but we had a difficult conversation on sunday on the phone. As sent me a text 5 times asking “I was wondering how you are getting on? x” which when I got it on saturday night, I was out and was happy. Until I saw the message. I talked to him on sunday saying it wasnt fair on me, for him to text me like that, I needed space and was still upset. He got angry at me, which is because I know hes finding it hard too. So he said bye and put the phone down.
I’ve been keeping myself busy and having a good time with friends, and he sent me a snapchat on tuesday saying he was in Budapest. So I sent him a facebook message asking how budapest was, and he replied asking how London was. I asked if we could skype when hes back form interrailing and he said yes thats cool, and I asked him when is he going back to Singapore. To which he said he doesnt know atm, so I said if he is still in London in August we should meet up before he goes to do his national service. He said he didn’t know if he wanted to see me, I think because it will make it harder for him? He was talking in short sentences I think because he is finding it hard, he said he doesn’t quite know what to do with the situation at the moment. He said he really does want to be friends with me. I said I could tell he needed some space so I was going to go, and he said he talk to me soon. So my question to you guys is, what do you think is sensible to do?
Khadija
Amy,
I think he did the right thing by sitting you down and breaking things off. At this point I suggest you two stop talking for some time. I can tell you are hoping he will still reconsider his choice. The break up is probably not easy on him either and I’m sure he is not jumping up and down about being single.I think it’s great that you are spending time with friends and trying to keep your mind off of it. In time this will get easier for you and eventually you will meet someone else. I know right now you don’t want to think that but, it will happen.
I’m sorry this is hurting you, just take it all one day at a time.
Mac
Stumbled across this because I’m in a similar boat. I know everything will be just fine no matter what happens. You’re not alone, I just feel hurt, can’t sleep and sad. Just wishing he’d make a different decision. But we will be just fine.
Mierin
As a Singaporean, NS lasts for 2 years…it takes its toll even on B/G relationships where both parties are based in Singapore, let alone LDR!
Personally he did the right thing, no pulling about. If he’s serious about you, after the 2 years he’ll come back stronger, more independent, more mature. It’s not too late to think about it then.
Basically the rest said it all. I’m sorry, it really hurts lots.
Fabella20
It’s 2017 and I’m in the same boat. The difference is we both had a mutual agreement of ending the relationship but it’s because he was also falling less in love with me and he got a job offer in South America, that’s half the world far from me. My married friends said I need to keep contact with him as he like and be friends, then who knows if we get back together.. But I’m also considering a No Contact Rule, I want him to realize my worth in his life and if he loves me he will come back for me. He is 29 and I’m 27, we both have good paying career, he was honest to say that he wasn’t ready for marriage yet and he is moving out of the country in 2 days. We’re both still in love but he loves me less now for some reason I don’t know. We are in a great relationship and I just know that his feelings changed after we had a pressure of having a baby but I had a miscarriage 5 months ago. I hope and pray to God that we will find our way back together.I know he loves me and I love him.
Hero123
I get it. It’s hard. I’ve got the exact situation only that he still loves me and was falling harder and harder before he moves so called it off before we got in so much deeper and he leave.im devastated hes the lovr of my life but I’m proud of him for going and chasing his dreams. Concentrate on the good in your life. Be happy for the time you did have. Move forward. And you can still have hope that you may rekindle some day. Life has a funny way of working out.
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