Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He cancelled the second date at the last minute
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Helen
Hello everybody,
I had a date with a very nice and gentle guy a few weeks ago, we had a brunch and we went to the cinema right after, he was very gentle, respectful and interesting, and even kissed me before dropping me off at my place.
We were supposed to meet on a Friday night, as he really wanted to show me a romantic Asian restaurant in the city, and I was very excited about it.
On the day just before (Thursday), I sent him a goodnight text on watsap, he read it but did not answer (usually he replies to me right away) then I havent heard from him until the next day (Friday / the date of our supposed date) until 3 PM, where he sent me a text message saying he has to cancel our date because he has been invited by his collègues for a happy hour… In his message he said that he could not refuse as it is his new job and that this was the first time they invited him and that he did not want to be rude to them… He didnt apologize to me but proposed me a lunch the next day (that I declined because I had to see friends).
To be honest, what I did not like is that I really felt not special anymore when he cancelled for a happy hour. Also, even he has a happy hour, he could still see me after right? And saying he didnt want to be rude to them, but honestly he was rude to me cancelling the same day right?
I dont answer to him anymore as I just dont feel it after that situation. I wanted to know what you guys think about it? Am I right or am I too tough?
Thanks so much ))
Hannah
You’re with your work colleagues as much, or more than you’re with your partner. It’s so important to make good relationships with them. And yes he can say he’d meet you later but happy hour never ends in happy hour does it? Everyone ends up going for dinner, more drinks etc.
Whereas you are a woman he’s met once and doesn’t even know if he likes yet. Where would your priorities be if you were him? I hope it would be the work colleagues! You’re not special because he doesn’t even know you yet.
I’d give him this pass but if he does it again, drop him.
Y
Agree with Hannah…you only went on one date and already expecting from him treating you in a special way. You are just a new girl for him right now. I would definitely pick my co workeres or happy hour too if I only went once on a date with someone. Just take it easy. You didn’nt accept his lunch date as well as you are meeting your friends. He could think the same!
Helen
Okay girls, but dont you think it would have been nice at least to apologize, and also maybe to call me instead of a text?
Tris
you say your first date was a few weeks ago? why did it take so long to plan the second one? honestly, he doesn’t seem super interested and I think you should follow your gut and not see him again – not because he cancelled the date but because of the way he did it
Sensy
Tbe fact that he offered the next day was good. Stop chasing him though.
jenni
He can do what he pleases for whatever reasons. Just the same, you have an obligation to YOU to be treated with respect.
He should realize that you were cancelled on at the last minute, ruining your evening plans and did not offer to make it up to you. Rescheduling is not ‘making it up.’ Be cool with him and slow with him, because if a guy did that to me, I’d drop him unless he understood he needs to apologize/make it up to me.
Helen
Tris, Sensi, and Jenny thank you. I believe you are right. He really did ruined my evening because I coulad have gone to an event that day but it was too late for me to register that is why also i am angry at him. And The fact he did not apologize properly nor propose to make it up to me did upset me a bit. I just want to move on now and find someone who will not play these types of games!
Honeypie
No you are not over reacting. You are acting as a woman should- with high value. Actually cancelling plans you have made to go out with colleagues last minute isn’t ok. It is however rude. He fancied that night out rather than going through with plans with you. This isn’t about liking you or not liking you, this is about respecting he had plans already, and no apology? Yet couldn’t be rude to work mates? Nah! He is out of order
Honeypie
I have And btw- that hat you said no to the next day too- it’ll be interesting to see if he makes another move to take you out now he knows you aren’t playing second fiddle to late rearrangements that take his fancy more.
L
Make it up to you? Your a stranger he only had one date with two weeks ago. I hardly think he’s going to be crying in his beer. He’s probably picked up a few women’s phone numbers at the bar.
Helen
Thank you Honeypie! Yes you’re right Im a woman of high value!
And anyway, I dont feel anything for him anymore! Thats the magic of it haha!Jan
I’m going to guess that another date came through for him, not a happy hour. Plus he down graded your original date from a nice high end dinner yo a lunch. Lunch on a saturday? Yup. He found someone else to impress I guess. A man with Moreno interest would have at least offered another nice dinner on a prime night like Saturda or even Sunday
Amanda
At the very least, he should have apologized. I think not answering your text the night before, and a questionable last minute excuse, means he isn’t interested. Move on and find someone better.
Helen
Thanks Jan! Thats is also what I really thought about! I am 90% sure he cancelled because he had another date. Because he acted weird the day before not answering my goodnight text, reading it, and being online on watsap for hours… Good for him haha but i’m out!
Helen
You right Amanda thank you!
T from NY
Congratulations not putting up with that BS. In my mind it has nothing to do with him hardly knowing you or you not being a priority. It has everything to do with his (low)interest in YOU or his (low) interest in investing in a relationship that he did not handle that better. You truly showed your high value by being turned off and not responding to him further. He could have easily stated he would go to happy hour for a couple of hours and then take you to a late dinner – and then he should have been highly apologetic for making you wait. (I would wager a bet there may have been a cute coworker at happy hour, but whatever.)
At the end of the day, if he is just a guy who is ditzy and is trying to balance career with dating and just committed a faux pas – do you really want a dude who doesn’t know how incredibly rude it is to: make plans with a lady and then not follow up until 3pm the day of, not respond to her goodnight text, cancel on her the day of and not acknowledge how crappy that is because something just came up?
Nah. Stop second guessing yourself. You reacted the way a woman who has a lot of self love should react. Even if you wanted to give him another chance I would, again, wager that his interest is not high or hes nots very thoughtful.
Helen
T from NY: Wow thanks for your response!! You absolutely RIGHT!!
Betty
I agree with Honeypie to an extent. It’s good to know your value, but u must do it with a healthy attitude. So he cancelled your date and gave u an excuse. Whether he was lying or not is not the issue. If u value yourself, u just move on without getting upset. Next!
GracieK
You don’t text someone at 3 pm to cancel a Friday night date because your work mates asked you to happy hour. Whether you’ve been on 1 date or 20. That’s a phone call, profuse apologies, and let me make it up to you. Not lunch the next day. That’s extremely last minute and it stinks of something else, like another woman. “I can’t offend my colleagues.” I call BS. They wouldn’t be offended in the least if he said sorry, I’ve got plans tonight, can we do it next week. It wasn’t going to be the only time they asked him to join them, obviously.
Helen
Betty & Graciek = I totally agree thanks so much, I just needed to hear that!
Amanda
Nice job Helen! Finally a woman who knows her value :) We don’t get a lot of those on here…
Helen
Thank you Amanda!! <3
Khadija
I’m sorry but he could have declined the invite with his colleagues.
He made plans with you and cancelled the day of, that’s just plan rude.
I’ve been offered to go out with colleagues and had to decline due to other plans. Its not that serious, they’ll understand.
He didn’t call or offer an apology, or even a set solution. I disagree with the others about priorities, its called common courtesy. Its a little sad to see that this has gone out the window in dating.
Sam
If you want to assume that was the real reason he cancelled… I don’t think a man who was really interested would have handled it this way.
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