He can't make plans!

“I don’t want to be the one to make plans every time we do get together; and for the most part so far, I have. ”

You don’t have to be the one that makes plans, you simple step back and let him make plans, or not make plans. Then you learn what his interest level in seeing you really is. You are playing the man’s part in pursuing him. He might not even be interested in you at all but you didn’t give him the chance to tell you this cause you took the lead and he might have just agreed cause he was bored. Right now you are saying he’s a bad planner but how do you know that? Did you assume he is because he didn’t ask you out? Maybe he just dind’t want to ask you out? Maybe he is a bad planner. My point is you didn’t give him a chance to show you via his actions how motivated he is to see and spend time with you. Actions speak louder than words.

What you need to do is be receptive to him. Do not contact him first at this point, you need to get balanced and you’ve been doing the man’s job. So don’t contact him. If he contacts you, be sweet and receptive but do not suggest seeing him, do not ask why he hasn’t asked to see you either. You’ve been doing too much of that already. If he texts and doesn’t ask to see you then end the text… “Ok, sweetie gotta go, have a good one :).” Then go out with your friends and go have fun and make plans, get involved in activities with your life, enjoy.

See if he then steps up to the plate to ask you out but be so busy enoying your life that you would barely notice if he did or not.

I am not suggesting this as a game, I am not a game player, but since you have been doing the man’s job you need to turn around and now be feminine and see what he offers you. This is the first step. After you see what he offers, that’s different. Cause he might not ask you out, he might ask you out see you, then not initiate again, you might have to ask him direct questions to figure this out. Right now though, all you need to do is step back and see if he steps forward.

Good luck, post back

Is it normal to have these uncertainties?

Uncertainties are normal.

If they were not then divorce probably wouldn’t happen, just think if people who are certain were the one were wrong then people who are uncertain might stand a chance..lol.

Anyway, that being said and reading your most recent post I still think you intiate too much. But it seems you try to communicate honestly with him. How about taking a few breathining steps back for yourself, get re-centered, have fun with your friends, get your feelings sorted out — when you see him enjoy your time have a blast and say to him “wow, this was so much fun spending time with you, I’d like to do this more often, what do you think?”

Could that be worth a try for you?

AnnieB, If you have plans and have your own life you will naturally back off from him. You will be engaged in your life and not focused on him, not focused on how often you see him, how often you engage with him.

I have an experiment for you, if you save his messages, to and from, delete them all. If one is special, send it to your email or something. Visualize yourself detaching from him and fully engaging in your life in your activty, with your friends. you aren’t ignoring him, you are just fully engaged in your life.

Everytime I do this with a guy, he’s back. It’s not about pretending though, it’s about mentally detaching. See men are funny creatures, they say they want love and want to be wanted but sometimes they still want to chase, but they don’t want games, they just want it to be authentic. If you are naturally so into your life that he isn’t always your #1 he will sense it and if he is right for you he will start coming to you.

Try not to think about every detail, and just focus on fully being present with your friends. Out with friends don’t check your phone, end of night he texts, text back, you don’t ignore him but your not on call for him.

Does this make sense?

Did you agree to be exclusive with this guy?
If yes, then dating another man before discussing taking exclusivity off the table is cheating and I woudln’t do that.
If no, then all is fair in love and war, unless you are giving him the impression that both of you have some exclusive dating agreement.

And yes, you could pull back and he might not come forward and then he isn’t right for you, better to know now than later.

Back to the detaching, you communicated to him clearly that you’d like to see him more in a very sweet non-pressuring way. You have to now sit back and detach a little and engage in your own life without making him #1, then you see if he steps forward. Do that first then just post back on how things are for what’s next.

And my 60 year old aunt said that even yesterday she had plans and her husband was like where are you going, and she said she had plans with her friends and he seems sad like he was going to miss her and she said she wasn’t playing games she just had plans and she said this never ends, a woman always needs to be in the position where she is slightly elusive to man, but it has to be natural. Imagine that, same conversation at 60 and married 30 years, and she’ talking about being too busy for her hubby and him then wanting her more and she wasn’t playing games. This is lifelong thing, not a dating thing…lol

Okay, its Friday now and we still have no plans. He goes out and its with his guy friends, they get drunk typically and are around other girls. I just don’t know how to handle this or what to say anymore.

Do I let this go?

He’s loves to text me I am his and how much he likes me, but we don’t hang out. Its been two months now and I am fed up.

Help with what to do please! My emotional irrational side wants to explode and tell him to kick rocks, my rational side reminds me this is new, but shouldn’t he want to spend time? What are we doing here!?

@AnnieB I am in the exact same situation as you! Been seeing this guy about once a week or less for the past two months, he says he sees great potential in us and thinks that this could turn into something really great, tells me he really likes me, but wants to take things slowly and barely makes an effort to make plans. He said he wanted to try and see me once a week a little while back, but more often than not we’ll go two weeks without seeing each other and i’m the one who finally pushes to plan the plan. It’s confusing…I don’t doubt that he really likes me, I can tell he says this genuinely and we have a really strong emotional connection, but just like you said, “I read a lot of these posts where people explain his action are louder than words, that he’ll make time if he wants, etc.” i feel like he should be making more time for me if he really cares… I get that he wants to move slowly but this is very slow and i’m starting to take offense a little, as much as i dont want to.. i’m really easygoing about plans usually, i just want to see that he cares!

how did things end up going for you? I hope they worked out! <3