Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › He compliments me a lot, yet he hasn't me out.
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 2 years, 11 months ago by
Rubi.
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Mary
I have met a guy in my running club. He is very handsome and polite -a very attractive recipe if you ask me. I approached him trying to get to know him more. We have pretty much the same interests and I have fallen for him. He compliments my personality, saying that I am a rare girl, I’m nice, he can confide in me and he feels very comfortable when he is around me. Anyway, a few months have passed, he hasn’t asked me out so I decided to make the first move. I told him I would enjoy going out for a coffee, to discuss a bit more openly, without being on the stadium running. He said yes but later cancelled. Later after some time I did propose again. He said that he really wanted to go out with me but he was extremely busy with work, however he would tell me when he would be available. Note that all this time he is the same sweet guy that says all these kind things about me. So, I decided to “confront” him in a way. I told him that I believe he is keeping me at a distance. That on the one hand I feel that he enjoys my company but on the other he doesn’t want to share a cup of coffee. He said I was right. On a different conversation he told me that he is very picky with girls and he dislikes this about himself. I told him that I’m of the opinion that you should try develop a relationship with a girl you like. Anyway.. I don’t know how to proceed. I know that I cannot change his mind but thinking that we have things in common and that he’s fond of me, yet without making any move makes me sad. Any advice? Shall I just go ahead and tell him directly that I like him or would that make me desperate?
Raven
You’ve already made your ‘move’ several times.
Unfortunately for you, He’s not interested…Liz Lemon
Don’t chase this guy. For whatever reason, he isn’t interested. Don’t take it personally. He obviously likes your company but doesn’t want to take the next step. I’ve been in similar situations (when I was younger, before I realized you should never chase a guy, lol)– sometimes guys know that you want them and are flattered by the attention, which is why they flatter you and interact with you, but they don’t actually want anything romantic with you. It sounds like the case with this guy. You should not have to chase, cajole, or “confront” a guy to go on a date with you! Let this one go and move on.
Honesty Rocks
He knows you like him. Unfortunately he only sees you as a friend. So enjoy that. Its never going to be more. And please dont think you have done anything wrong. Not everyone is everyones type. x
Zoya Bukatava
Most attractive guys are taken
AngieBaby
Why do you so intent on pursuing what you can’t have?? This man has very politely let you know more than once he’s not interested in dating you, he likes you as a friend only. If you are unable to accept that, you should just distance yourself. Telling him bluntly you like him and want to date him at this point would be desperate on your part and deeply embarrassing for both of you and he’s likely start avoiding you altogether if you do that.
mama
Not once ever have I read a post about someone “confronting” someone and have it turn out well. It’s such an awful tactic.
If you want to make it even more awkward, keep doing what you’re doing, which is ignoring the obvious: He’s keeping you at a distance and he’s very picky about who he dates. He’s not into you. Accept the friendship or find a new running club.
Maddie
A man can like you as a person without being romantically interested, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Someone who is very picky and dislikes that about themselves is someone who has intimacy issues and isn’t looking for a relationship or they’d actually deal with it (instead of actively disliking themselves without changing anything). So in addition to the fact he’s already directly told you how he feels (which is just friendship), even if he did feel anything else, he’s strongly implied that he has a history of being a lousy person to date. Which means he’s doing you a favor.
You’ve already confronted him and gotten answers. If you continue pursuing him in the face of rejection, then you are not respecting him as a person. And if you are not sure why you’re continuing to pursue him even though he’s unavailable to you, look into whether or not you are actually emotionally unavailable yourself.
T from NY
Don’t mistake a man’s interest and pleasure in being desired as interest in you. MOST men will be super friendly, kind, and gratuitous to even decently looking women who show they are attracted. Of course it feels good to everyone to be admired! But you shot your shot! Multiple times. Be careful now, after being so obvious to him, if you love yourself better and know you shouldn’t have to confront the guy that’s for you, if you pull away he may move closer. But it WONT mean he finally realizes he sees something in you. It will mean he doesn’t want to give up the attention! Hopefully he’s an upright dude, who lets you feed his ego but would never take advantage of your obvious interest. Let love and desire move toward you. If it’s meant for you, there will be very little struggle.
tammy
firstly if he was interested he wld have met you for coffee. secondly if he was interested, he would have set up another meeting when he cancelled the first one. in this case, its very obvious that he doesn’t mind chatting you casually in the gym. but that’s about it. or it is entirely possible that he knows you like him and he doesn’t reciprocate so he cancelled the coffee meeting on second thoughts. you can confront him all you want but that’s not going to get him interested in you. on the contrary he may stop talking with you altogether. i think you like him so you tried. but he didn’t pick up on your cues. which means hes not interested. you have to surely see that!let this go and cut down on your interactions with him.
Rubi
My feelings on this is that this guys has a girlfriend. He keeps his interactions with you only at the running club. And if he just wanted to be your platonic friend he would have hanged out with you long ago and with his other friends too. Some guys just enjoy having lots of women to talk to, especially women that is smitten to thier charms, he will flirt too but that don’t mean they want to be your everyday social friend or even sleep with you. They just love the attention. It’s that or he’s gay.
Either way he is well aware that you like him because you are showing a lot of interest. My advice is to back off from asking him out again. Be polite when you see him but put a halt to showing your interest. Don’t converse with him outside of your running program unless prompted by him. Basically show him you’re not stuck on him or something. This will move things in a different direction. He will either chase you (in hopes he does not have a comitted relationship) or he will stop talking to you. And you win either way.
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