HE CONTACTED!!! Help!!!!

Thank you Day! I’m thinking the same as you. I could really use Stefanie right now!!!! Lol

It’s totally hard because that’s what I’ve been wanting/needing is to hear from him, but now that I have, I’m stuck on what to do!!

Hello Sanni,
I understand how it can be to go NC. I’ve been doing it for 19 days now.
That message was not about getting back together or working things out.
I’m sure he misses you because you are awesome.
After the 30 days are up its up to you if you want to speak to him again. I say for now let him figure out life and you do your own thing.

He IS having a moment…testing the water.. seeing how LITTLE attention he has to put in to get you to come running back. …and….Nothing will have changed. it’s a VERY nice thought he has put in…But NOT enough.

as Steffy said…send an emoji back. You mirror him.he sends a pic. ..you send a pic…He sends a one line text. ..you send a one line text.

It teaches him….you are sticking to your boundaries and are not a pushover and as easy to get back as he thought.

When he actually gets round to talking…..THEN is the time to open up communication.

set a boundary …ASK him why he is in touch abd most important… WHAT has changed. The answer you want and the sink one you will accept…is that he misses you.. is sorry… wants to try again and is ready to committ.

crap texts…are crap texts. words are cheap. texting is the cowards way out. DO NOT settle for his crumbs. you need to start thinking up a plan of action and learn how to communicate your wants and needs to him.

It’s early days yet.. .He needs to miss you an AWFUL lot more. font cave.

He is letting you know he thinks of you. I agree with Harley – it is a bait and not enough for anyone to really respond to much.

I am also wondering how you spent these 13 days? Have you been seeing friends, doing interests?

Let us know what is going on with you.

Thanks Ladies! OMG I was feeling anxious last night and had NO IDEA what to do!?!? I called my gf and she told me that IF I chose to reply, to just reply with something small like, “Cool” or an emoji. Or I could wait until the next day, as to not show him that I’m sitting by my phone….Well, I chose to reply and I didn’t reply until 2 hours later (because I was talking to my gf then another one of my gf’s called to confirm our Valentines day plans tomorrow – I’m cooking her dinner :) ) Anyways, this is all I said to him “You found it. :) ” and that’s it. I didn’t even do an emoji, I just used the semicolon and bracket LOL. And of course, no response, but I didn’t think he would as I knew he was having a moment.

Thanks for your guys input, I really, really really do appreciate it. I know ya’ll can’t be my on call relationship coaches LOL but it really does help to read some responses. And I truly appreciate it.

Harley, No I didn’t contact him first, I haven’t spoken to him. I did send him a letter in response to his request for his break and he later responded back by saying thank you for understanding and that he thinks of me a lot. But that was it. This text he sent last night was the first time I heard from him and it wasn’t initiated by me.

I’m going to do my best to just mirror his efforts. I do love him, I do like him as a person, I do want to be friends ONE DAY, I don’t have any hatred or anger towards him, other than ‘WHY can’t we just be together’ although I know why. I also don’t want him to think I’ve given up on him, and I know that if I totally ignore him, he will think that and he’ll stop trying. So maybe just mirroring his efforts is what’s best???

Sanni,
I still think you shouldn’t even bother with the mirroring his efforts either.
All that thought into a small text. If, he really wants to be with you distance will only do you two some good.

If, you are worried about him losing interest just tell him, ” we are on break and I need some time away from this situation. I will be in touch with you later”

In the long run he may or may not come back. I think it’s great that you made plans for V day with your girlfriend. Keep that up and you won’t be thinking about him so much.

Sanni,

I am happy to hear that you are involved with your daughter, friends and life. That is important as you probably already know.

In your free time you might want to try this exercise – what qualities do you want in a man? Write the qualities down and list them – it might not take just one day you may find yourself editing the list for a few days. Now as the first rule you cannot think of this BF as you are answering – I want you to answer as if you never met him.

I also want you to list how you want the relationship to feel – how you would feel being in the relationship of your dreams.

Now wait a couple of days and read the lists – they can be really eye-opening and help you on your journey.

Until he makes plans & offers to share the actual chocolate with you he’s just blowing smoke …

I have another question? My gf thinks I’m being stupid, says she doesn’t get my “theory” or that it’s off…

So since the split between my ex and I, I’ve been trying to be busy as well as appear busy, and my way of appearing busy is by not being active on my social medias, like fb and my whatsapp. So I’ve purposly been staying off of them. My gf doesn’t understand this. Her response is “just do you. Don’t not be on those a lot just because you want to appear busy if he looks!” I kinda know that my ex does look at my whatsapp to see when I was last on because awhile back he made innocent mention of it…anyways, I was telling her that when I see my gf on her whatsapp daily, all day long, it makes me think that she’s constanly on her phone and I know that if I send a message I know she will answer right away and there’s no mystery as to where she is. I told her that I don’t ever really feel like I’m wondering where u are or what ur up to Cuz I see u online on ur medias all day long.

So I was trying to explain to her that I want my ex to wonder, I want him to think I’m being busy living my life instead of being right by my phone. She’ said “yeah but you’re just going to make him think that you’re talking to someone else and he might think you’ve moved on because that’s what I thought when my ex disappeared off his whatsapp, I wondered who he was spending time with!”

I replied back saying “well isn’t that a good thing? I mean maybe I want him to fear that someone else can possibly step into his place ” he did say to me one day “one of my biggest fears is making a wrong choice and losing you.” So can’t I use that fear to my advantage?? I mean it’s not like I’m actually doing any of what my gf said, I’m not posting ridiculous pics of me and other guys, I’m just fading off to make him wonder….

I don’t know if this is dumb?

Also. …A guy seeing pics of you on fb….hanging out of other men…can actually turn him OFF. Make him think you were trashy and he was right to dump you or not to get back with you.

It can also make a guy jealous. …It depends on the guy.

Sanni, you’re doing well. Keep it up.

Don’t fall for the “Jesus is coming, look busy” syndrome! That means do what you want to do and not to appear something to someone else.

In the 30 days NC I did with the last man I dated, I was honestly a different person at the end of 30 days. I was better – understood men, had my priorities straight, worked on understanding communication in relationships of all kinds. If we ever get together again, he’d see a new woman not because I am trying to entice him back, but because I used the situation as an opportunity for very positive growth.

I stay off social media with my personal friends. My FB page is for business and I’m in a couple of private groups and that’s it. I would never have a boyfriend on FB, Twitter, etc. and I had a guy drop me because I told him I wouldn’t do WhatsApp. (We hardly knew each other and I felt like I was being set up for e-tethering).

Yesterday I struggled hard as I wanted to send him a text, actually it’s more like every day I want to reach out, however I fight myself and the strong side of me wins the emo & mental battle. I decided that every time I get the urge to text him, I pull up my memo app and just type it there, exactly what I was wanting to send. Then I clise it, walk away for a bit and when I reopen it and read it I’m SO GLAD I didn’t send it!!! Lol. I have to admit, one of them was baaaaaad! As I wanted to tell him how much I really missed the sex we had. Lol thank god I didn’t send that!!

Anyways, I know today will be a better day as I will be crazy busy. I have to hit the gym in a few mins, go shopping for my dinner plans, pick up some flowers and wine, clean my house and then cook for my gf that is coming by for valentines dinner & hangout. So my mind will be totally occupied!

Hope he’s sitting at home tonight pining over me, wondering what I’M up to this vday on a Saturday night!!!! ;) lol

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY My ladies!!!