Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › He contacted me after a week of ghosting
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 1 year, 10 months ago by
mama.
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lissa ramirez
I’ve been seeing a guy for a month. At first he was consistent with contacting me. But he just ghosted me for a week and messaged me yesterday saying I look good on my WhatsApp pic. Debating about responding and what to say. Not sure if by staying silent he will feel more important.
Tallspicy
I suggest you not respond at all. His comment is lazy and fishing.
If you must respond, try. “Hi there bob. I Need to honest, it feels yucky to hear from you after a week. I don’t think we are looking for the same things, and think it is best to end things here. I am looking for something elscalating, committed and consistent. If I misread the situation, happy to discuss further. Otherwise, wishing you the best!
Maddie
There’s no reason to respond, this isn’t going anywhere. You’ve known him only a month and he’s already disappeared for 25% of it. That’s pretty lame. Lucky he showed you he’s inconsistent so quickly so you don’t waste your time.
AngieBaby
Most likely he went out with other women during that week and didn’t get anywhere with them. That’s just a low-effort fishing comment – he’s checking to see if you’re dumb enough to still be hanging on the line. Someone for real would have explained their week-long absence and immediately asked to see you. He doesn’t deserve a response. Block and forget him. You’ll be sorry if you answer him or let him continue to have access to you – he’ll just waste your time. When someone shows you who they are so quickly, believe them and walk away, and don’t look back.
Tammy
Pls dont respond. Usually i agree with tallspicey. Not this time. By writing all that to a person, you just show how affectd you are. Ignore him and dont reply.
Tallspicy
Tammy, I said not to respond at all. It is literally my first sentence. But if she must to be very clear about expectations.
lissa ramirez
Thanks so much ladies for all the advice.
I have been very close to responding but seeing your messages has been of huge help!
I am yet to delete his contact. Just gathering the strength :/
lissa ramirez
Part of me would love to say something like :Hey, Because I respect you, I’m gonna be totally straightforward.
I had a really great time getting to know you and also thought we did have a connection , but we kind of drifted apart suddenly which kind of surprised me to be honest. I guess we never really talked about each other’s expectations but I assumed a certain level of friendship and openness.
You’re great and I had a lot of fun, but I have to be honest. I am bit confused with the way things evolved and I am really looking forward to developing heathy adult friendships that include communication – so I didnt want to be part of the ghostin.
Maddie
I get that you want to be respectful, in a way he wasn’t respectful to you, but does someone you only knew for 3 weeks warrant an involved response? Drifting apart is something that happens with people you’ve known a long time, not been out with a few times who turned out not to take dating seriously. I still don’t think you need to say anything at all, as keeping up communication with this guy will keep you on the hook while he doesn’t take you seriously. But if you must say something, keep it very short. “I enjoyed spending time with you but don’t date guys who fade out. We’re not looking for the same things, but I wanted to be straightforward in telling you that because I don’t believe in leaving people hanging. Good luck.”
Anything more is giving him am opening he hasn’t done anything to deserve. You still don’t owe him any response at all, though.
Raven
Tell him, “I’ve missed you so, let’s elope!”
Or ignore him… I’d pick #2
AngieBaby
I wouldn’t send this message, it comes across as weak and needy. How many times did you go out with this guy in the short time you dated him? Did you sleep with him? I’m guessing you did. This comes across as you’re hoping he’ll come back and change his mind and improve his behavior.
I don’t get it. You’ve given him a lot of respect for someone you don’t know well and who just ghosted you for a week and sent a lame message to check if you’re still there. I wouldn’t send this message. Say anything and you lose. If you say nothing and you never hear from him again, you know he was never really interested in you. If you say nothing and he tries again with something more substantial you could consider saying something but really… at that point he’ll just see if he can get you back and then he’ll disappear again.
Actions speak louder than words. He disappeared for a week and offered no explanation. That speaks volumes about the kind of person he is and how interested he is in you (not much). I think you’re a lot more into him than he was into you, and you jumped the gun thinking this was going somewhere. Just block him and move on, he’s not worth leaving the door open for. He’s a time waster. And he’s just shown he has no respect for you.
mama
@lissa ramirez: his comment was lazy and fishing just like everyone is saying. But if you respond with that, you sound like you’re fishing, too.
Wouldn’t it be nice to just cut this lazy guy loose and continue searching for what you want? He’s taking your attention away from focusing on what you are looking for. Let him go without a goodbye text. It’s about respecting yourself not indulging his games.
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