Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › He cut the date short
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Olivia.
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Olivia
Hey so an update… Last saw him Saturday, until then all the signs were good and ppl said it seems he really likes me. Since Saturday he hasn’t reached out at all. I asked him how he was on Monday and he answered back nicely. But he hasn’t made plans to cook me dinner this week like he said he would. He’s definitely moved on right? He quit his job last week and has been busy I guess, but he’s not looking for a new job until February as he wants to relax as its his first long holiday since before university.
kaye
I really don’t think you can sit here and say he’s been too busy to call or cook you dinner if he quit his job and isn’t going to look for a new one until February!! What is he so busy with?? Wait to see if he contacts you and makes plans. If he doesn’t then I wouldn’t contact him again and would assume this is over. Obviously what happened Saturday night and your reaction has him second guessing this relationship. Within the first 3 months or so a guy can decide he doesn’t see you as potential for a long term relationship for the littlest seemingly most innocent things. If that’s the case here then he’s not the guy for you. IF he does come around to make plans then you two do need to discuss the communication disconnect on Saturday in person when you see each other.
Olivia
Thanks for your answer. How did I act incorrectly? I am trying to show my emotions more because I know I’m shy and always too ‘positive’. I did show j was upset but didn’t tell him off or anything, and was still affectionate and said I was looking forward to having dinner with him. Could you please explain? I’m genuinely curious
Sun
You didn’t do anything wrong Olivia. Shy or not shy, if he contacts you to make plans, you can simply casually bring up the subject – expecting to be respected and treated with basic human courtesy especially outside of the rest of the human population like your friends, family, colleagues is not asking much. You would have not been so shy if this was your sibling or a friend. Why some women allow this behavior from men they date is beyond me. He’s just a man you are dating and getting to know and assessing whether he’s worthy of your time and affection. It is a requirement to be respected not an option.
kaye
Olivia,
I’m not saying you acted incorrectly. You said what was on your mind. That you could have made other plans because it was early but you don’t feel like it now. If you’re like me, I don’t have a poker face and my BF can read my emotions on my face almost immediately. I’m really glad you didn’t send the text you were thinking about, but I think that the fact he still wanted to see you when he had limited time was a good thing. So when you did that to him saying he put you in a mood where you didn’t feel like doing anything else, he was probably kinds taken aback and felt like he messed up your evening. Guys don’t want to think they can’t make you happy. And especially don’t want to think that something they did made you unhappy.
So if you only had plans to meet for dinner or whatever and you were just assuming you would do something after, then I think that’s on you. If you had plans to spend the evening together and he bailed without telling you ahead of time, then that’s on him.
If he’s a genuinely good guy and this is the first hiccup then there is another way you could approach this. You could text him saying, sorry about what I said the other night. You didn’t mess up my evening. I just enjoy spending time with you and didn’t realize you were going to have to leave to deal with something else. If you’re still up for cooking dinner soon let me know. :)
Then you’ve set the stage saying you’re not mad, you’re still open to dinner and if he doesn’t respond you know exactly where you stand and aren’t sitting here wondering if he’s done with this. I guarantee he got the point that he shouldn’t do that to you again!! LOL Hope this helps.
Laura
Fill your life with other events and people so you aren’t sitting around obsessing and over analyzing the interaction. If you do you will always be miserable…because you will develop a pattern, a habit…harder to break later.
Khadija
Olivia,
Thanks for the update.
If it were me I’d stay busy and allow him to make the plans should he decide to.
Don’t over analyze this, worry, or wonder what he is doing. What is done is done already.When someone is right for you it will all pan out.Lea
Yeah I saw it a little like leigh did. I feel like he was maybe a bit put out you couldn’t make Friday so cut the date short Saturday. Maybe he wanted to regain control and prove things aren’t all on your terms (I know you had plans Saturday originally). Then again he could have been actually genuine and did just want to go and help this couple out. Then again he did make plans with you first for Saturday so he shouldn’t be cutting your plans short. It was rude of him, but you don’t need to come across so angry towards it. Give it time and see if he comes to you
Leigh
Olivia, give him space. He just changed his life with not having a job, planning what he wants to do and maybe contact you. But he probably won’t be in touch like he was at the start. Give him space. Unfortunately he isn’t yours yet! So he is probably putting things on hold. I would stay in light contact with him not expecting anything and if he doesn’t ask you out again then ask him. There is nothing wrong with being friendly and direct when you like him. You don’t want to regret not knowing that it might be something in the future.
Jessica
He should of given you a heads up and he was probably slightly put off by your response to him cutting the date short. Thats my impression. O well, he’ll come around he’s just sooking.
Olivia
Hi lovelies…
He just ended it With me. Said I’m very sweet and feels bad but is going traveling until January. He apologised for ignoring me. I said ok thanks, appreciate it for telling me, I’ll miss him and take care.
So that’s that. Obviously traveling until January is not that long so I know that he’s lost interest. But luckily I have this forum which has helped me with my self esteem. I’ve cried a bit and now I’m going out to have fun.Laura
Sorry to hear that…but you’ve got a keener insight into dating now…experience adds up!! And good for you for letting out the pain then focusing on the fun. =)
Vanessa
Sorry to hear that but you handled it like a champ! Next.
Leigh
So sorry Olivia. He is a good guy. Be Thankful he ended it with you and said you were sweet. His traveling is more important. Xo!
Khadija
Good riddance!
kaye
Sorry to hear that Olivia. Sounds like you handled it great though!! Just wanted to throw out a thought. Alot of times when a guy is having issues somewhere in his life that he needs to focus on…like his career…he just can’t focus on a relationship too. I had a guy ghost on me while we were dating after he lost his job. He felt like a loser. And dating me didn’t help because I had just left my firm to run my own business and was still doing consulting work with them. So I had two jobs and he had none. And I had just bought a gorgeous old house I was fixing up. So my success made him feel even worse. He told me all this after he showed back up in my life again but I was already dating my current BF. He has tried numerous times to get me to take him back saying he was just at a bad place on his life.
It’s possible the timing was just off here. He’s worried about his career and his next move and traveling and can’t be in a relationship right now. Sorry.
Leigh
I agree with Kaye! I think this guy would have been good for you but he just wasn’t at the right place to make it happen. He felt bad, he vouced that to you and it is rare for men to be that way.
Again I’m sorry Olivia. What a good dating experience for you!! Not what you want to hear but please look at it that way. You did good!! Xo!
Olivia
Thank you everyone, hugs xxx
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