He disappeared after sex and I am hurting

Now you know to wait until you are the girlfriend. Don’t beat yourself up. His behavior was terrible. It is so sad but this happens all the time now. (You are not alone). The dating world really sucks for girls who want commitment. Guys just happily jump around from 2month relationship to 2month relationship. We have to make them earn it. Just do.

You did the right thing by asking. Sadly I guess asking is not enough.

I’m sorry this is happening to you. He has lost the interest.

Quite honestly, you never know where you are with a man until you’ve had sex with him! Some will see it as a challenge if you take your time to become intimate. They will have invested time and effort in you by then, so will keep seeing you until it happens. Others do really like you but don’t feel that spark in the bedroom when it comes to it.

It’s a relationship hurdle you have to go through at some point. Unfortunately some don’t get past the hurdle!

Don’t feel bad. You could have waited 6 months with the same result.

I agree that you never know until it happens. I understand it hurts, but it will fade with time. Sorry that it happened to you!

The more you focus on writing him off the better. NC! And beware, he might return some time so better figure out a plan in case he does. If he does contact you now you have a second chance to turn it around. Guys like that are interested in the chase more than anything else, and once they’ve conquered you, they move on to someone new. But he could come back so decide now if he’s worth it.

So you slept with him and he ghosted out on you. You can look at this situation in two way.

1) You slept with him within two months of seeing him,two months is not a long time. He stopped talking to you after two months and having sex with you. Isn’t better? If you would’ve waited for 6 months to have sex and he would’ve disappeared after that, it would’ve hurt you more. You would’ve missed him more.

2) Girls are very emotional, we fall in love with anyone who gives us attention. For guys physical connection is very important. It is not that he didn’t like you. He liked you enough to initiate sex with you but maybe he didn’t feel that connection. I know you are hurting but having someone around who doesn’t feel the connection is not a blessing. Sooner or later he would’ve left you. So earlier the better.

Wish you luck and stay natural. Go with the flow. Don’t play these games that wait for sex or something. WHatever you feel comfortable with do it. YOLO!!!

No. just tell him it appears you both are not on the same page.

It sounds pathetic to tell him you don’t think he is into you.

Texting means nothing. So if you judge a man’s interest by how often he texts you will get hurt every time.
Just because he is also looking for a relationship doesn’t mean that you are the one he wants to have it with,

Don’t take it so literally. It’s good to find men that are dating for the same reason, but don’t assume that just because they date you means they are going to fall for you. Dating is a process to decide if the person you date is worth taking it further. In this case he decided not. It’s not something to take personal. At least he showed you sooner rather than later.

If you are going to get hurt so easily, don’t sleep with a man until you know his intentions for you.

He’s not playing any games. He stopped messaging you is a direct hint that he doesn’t want to pursue with you. I am guilty of that as well. Texting few guys off a dating site but I didn’t like them much and slowly I just ghosted out on them. Take a hint and move on. Agree with Kim don’t say that it seems he isn’t into you, why degrade yourself. If he isn’t messaging you at all you shouldn’t even have this convo with him. Just stop texting and it will be a history

Yes it is.You aren’t exclusive to him so he can do whatever he wants. He might be going on other dates, might would want to consider his options without talking to anyone. If he comes back, you can ask him what he’s thinking. Where you guys are going together. For now just relax and keep your options open.

I agree with what Hannah and Meemee said.

I remember a girl come here a few years ago, she was dating this guy for 6 months and then they had sex and he ghosted on her. When I spoke on some on my guy friends on that, all of their immediate replies were … oh the sex must not have been good for him or he must have not felt the spark.

Yes, that guy was a DB to just ghost on her and not end it like a decent human being. But I also wondered would she have felt less hurt if he said “Hey, I know we have been dating for 6 months and now that we have had sex, I find it doesn’t do it for me anymore. Why waste more time on this and not just break it off and date others.”

Also just because a guy says that he is dating for something meaningful doesn’t mean that he feels that something meaningful is with you. As if that was the case, the roles could be reversed and you could be asked, why did you not marry the first guy you ever dated.

Also 4 dates in 2 months is so little. And all that texting gave you a false sense of security. What if you had met this guy for 4 dates in 2 weeks, would you have slept with him even then? Not judging…. just curious.

I say this to all my friends – just because you slept with a guy, doesn’t mean he owes you a relationship OR it could also be the other way round. Just because a guy took you out on a date/dates, doesn’t mean that you are expected to jump into bed with him.

To me, I seriously do not think he just used you for sex. Maybe he is genuinely busy and the sex didn’t really do it for him. The combination of both, lead him to disappear. Yes, he could have mentioned that he was not interested anymore. But I know guys do not like to deal with drama. So saying that may have opened a can of worms of “oh did u just use me etc. etc.” I find that’s why many guys ghost… they find it easier than dealing with the aftermath of break up.

Newbie wrote it the best. In order to win a man’s heart, we girls need to be giving as well so they have something to miss. If the guy is doing all the work then there’s nothing to miss out on losing you. All the guys I talk to I become their instant friend first. I’ll do nice things for them not to win their heart but that’s how I am and honestly if things don’t work out for us…. they become my besties. Now I’ve got a problem I have way too many male friends that my next BF to be is going to be feel insecure about lol

Linda,
You are giving this man too much power and energy. He is one person and what he did is more so a reflection of his character.

As your friends mentioned it probably would have been best to wait for a commitment before sex. However, nothing is ever guaranteed.

What I suggest is always being in a place that no matter what happens after sex you will be just fine with it. You can’t expect it will change things or bring a man closer. Plus he didn’t use you. As a adult you willingly consented to have sex with him.

I wouldn’t send him a message much less return his if he should pop back up again. Which he probably will.

Lastly, although a guy may say he is looking for something meaningful pay attention to his actions. In 2 months you only had 4 days. That to me says a lot, people make time for what they want. Be leery of the too busy nonsense because I think that is a precursor for a disappearing act.