He disappeared after sex and I am hurting

I know, he didn’t make time for me at all. There is no excuse.

I did try to get to know him but he didn’t open up, and I tried to compliment him I told him how I respected his dedication at work and how I felt safe wrapped around his arms and how secy I thought his lips are.

I just really thought I tried. When he showed interest in me, I although didn’t do much , but as time passeson, I was caring and loving towards him and I tried to get to know him, I like to do things wholeheartly so I didn’t just sit back and wait for him to do things. I reciprocated.

Linda – everyone is looking for something diff, you will never find out why he is not interested…

Maybe he likes a few extra pounds and you are too skinny, or maybe he likes super skinny and you have a just right kind of body…. maybe he likes tall girl, or maybe he likes short…….

Or maybe he does not want to serious relationship now….

Omg, you will never kbow

Hey Linda. I think everything you see is just one-way. You think he likes you, you think he’s the right one, but may be he didn’t. He ghosted on you after sex may be just because he realized it wasn’t right.
I don’t believe in the theory which said as long as you wait, guys will respect you more. If they can have it with you, they can have it with other women who are willing to give him it while he’s still seeing you. And even if you guys go exclusive, there will be a chance that you will find it out and it hurts you more than you can imagine.
I will tell you me and that guy I’m seeing now, he didn’t message me the next morning after our first date. 5 days later, he asked me out on 2nd and I had sex with him on our 2nd date. But still I acted cool, didn’t text him the day after. he texted me a few days later to ask about my plan, I said I’m gonna go to see a movie, he wanted to go with me, I agreed to take him with me. But still he never texts me after a date. I realize it’s just his texting habit. He’s nice, caring, funny with some bad trait that I can see. But I try to get used to it and I do the same thing. He asked to meet me all the time while I rarely do it. It has been 3 months now and we’re good. I don’t rush into a rls because I want to make sure he’s the one so just keep calm and be cool. So I wanna say each man has different thoughts about dating. They just don’t feel like to do it, then they stop. He might not plan to ghosted on you after sex, he just doesn’t feel it anymore but he didn’t know how to say it to not make him become a jerk so he pulled away.

Just cut him off, NC, forget everything about those 2 months (i know it’s tough). Don’t try to talk to him if you feel it won’t end well, it just hurts you more. It was just dating and he’s just not that into you. Don’t feel bad about it. You know who you are, how great you are. If it’s not him, then there will be another guy who is Mr.Right, he not the only guy in this world.
Be strong and love yourself girl. x

@Linda
Aw man I’m sorry- it’s such a terrible feeling especially after 2 months w/ this guy.

However, I personally think that guys can and will ghost whenever they want to, not necessarily “after sex.” Had you slept w/ him the first week, he could’ve ghosted also, so I think the outcome remains the same. I’ve had a few personal experiences w/ guys who ghosted two week after sex, and another guy who I saw for about 2ish months and went radio silent after we had a good time hanging out. The guy I’m currently seeing now, I started seeing him in May and we’re still hanging out and having a good time (I slept with him on our 4th date). So, it varies is what I’m trying to say. Next time, don’t have sex before exclusivity, if you can. Remmeber, that it’s not YOU, and it’s just him. He probably had other circumstances or factors that led to his decision…maybe he was seeing someone else, or his ex hit him up. Nothing that you could’ve controlled. Or, simply he just didn’t feel like it was a match. If it’s one thing I’ve learned, guys will almost always take the chance to sleep w/ you, and if they have an emotional connection w/ you they will stick around. So most likely, the emotional connection wasn’t too strong. Don’t be so hung up on the fact that HE pulled the plug on you. Do you really want someone like that in your life? Was he even right for you? Did you guys make the best match possible??

You need to evaluate if he was right for you in the first place. Not fall head over heels for a guy who’s willing to give you some attention. People can be fickle and change their minds, and that’s something you have to accept. Nothing wrong w/ you, but I’ve personally changed my mind about people I see everyday. Keep your head up – take some time for yourself and stay away from the app for a while. Soon enough this won’t even come up in your life and you’ll forget about it. I’ve had a guy ghost me after sex and honestly, it was hurtful but guess what, soon enough I forgot about him. Didn’t even think about it.

I agree with Kelly. From what you said, it did not seem as if he was into you anyways. However, it did seem as if you were trying to make it work even when it wasn’t and you were trying to make him into you even when you subconsciously knew that he wasn’t.

If he was not opening up or you were complimenting him more than he was complimenting you, frankly speaking that would have been a turn off for me.

The very sentence of yours “I just really thought I tried.” speaks of desperation. It tells me way more that you were “trying” even though it was not working.

Frankly speaking you do not really have to “try” with a guy who is into you. He consistently shows you. I have had guys want to meet me for just 10 minutes because we were too busy the whole week and couldn’t see each other. And NO I am not talking about 10 minutes of making out but rather 10 minutes of just talking and catching up with a quick kiss good night. Something that could have been done via text but they came anyway because they really wanted to see me because they missed me.

I have had guys travel in heavy traffic to meet me and try to change their plans so that they could accommodate my schedule. I have 2 little kids and work 2 jobs so yeah I have a hectic schedule.

I have had guys take me on a midnight drive because I love to see the snow under the moon. And no a drive did not mean come in and have sex. All they got at the end of the drive was a thank you and a kiss good night. And they contacted me after to schedule a dinner date or a coffee date or a movie date or an ice cream date or even just another drive date. If I was wanting to have sex that night (I wasn’t), I am quite sure that they would have loved that too. But I was just being myself and not trying to “play” hard to get and make them wait or anything.

I did not have to “try” with them. From their actions, I knew that they were into me. And I was very much myself. I never “acted” cool or someone I wasn’t. I was genuine and exactly myself and how I would have been if I was with a friend I had known for a long time.

That being said, I have had guys who asked me to meet them half way, ghosted on me, stood me up, who did not even buy my coffee on the 1st date, who were just texting and texting and did not ask to meet, who had to reschedule so many times because they were always busy.

Those guys, thru their actions showed me that they were not really into me. I CHOSE not to “try” to get them to like me. I CHOSE to let them go to make time for the guy who did show me that he was into me. And their disinterest did not in anyway make me change my opinion of myself. Just because they did not like me or were not interested did not mean that I did something wrong or I must have messed something up.

Thanks for the additional information. Im really sorry it happened. Also about the blocking. But you have to let it go, and not make you question you.
I do think you tried to hard into him liking you as a set up in stead of taking the time to see if you are a right match and view his actions. We all need a guy to learn from right? Goo luck

I am sorry you are hurting, but several things you said stand out:

“I know, he didn’t make time for me at all. There is no excuse. I did try to get to know him but he didn’t open up”

“I indeed didn’t take anytime to see if we were a match I just really wanted it to work and really wanted him to fall in love with me because I want to be loved.

“I always find myself in this situation : I know what I like in a guy and when I spot them I really want them to like me and I try very hard (sometimes they might not even like me that much). Usually they would show some kind of interest in me but they are always not all in, often times they would leave me in the end and I am left hurt and confused.

It’s great that you realize some of this now, and have scheduled an appointment with a professional.

You are making a VERY common mistake. You are seeking love and validation outside of yourself, when YOU have to love YOU first. I would not be surprised if this stems from a dysfunctional primary relationship from when you were young, where you never felt loved or good enough. Men can sense this kind of need, and it can either attract the wrong men to begin with, or repel good guys who feel the weight of you needing such strong validation.

I would not be surprised if the men you are “attracted” to are emotionally unavailable, in the same way this person from your past (a caregiver/parent) was. When we have unresolved issues form our past or childhood, we tend to seek out similar situations in adulthood to “right the wrong” and change the dynamic of our past (to prove to ourselves we ARE worthy).

Well guess what.

You are worthy and deserving of someone who loves you, for you.

But to have that, you have to work through this and develop healthy self-love. I don’t think you are in a place to be dating right now. But once you work through these issues, you can date to find the right man. Not someone you need to convince to love you.

We are not professionals. So please take all this to your appointment with the psychologist, they can help you work through this.

You thought he liked you because he texted you a lot? Maybe he just liked the attention. In the beginning he seemed to like you but in fact they simply want you to like them. I agree you are giving him a massive amount of power. Calm down. Bottom line guys know once you sleep with them you will pester them constantly. You or pestered the hell out of him so stop!

And I want to add that because my actions are positive, I attract good men and bad men. I have standards and boundaries. I know my makes and breaks and I stand by them. I was married to a good man. Unfortunately, he passed away unexpectedly. My marriage to my late husband reinforced my makes and breaks that when I was ready to go out there, I enforced my standards and boundaries. I am now with a very good and loving man for over 1 1/2 yrs. I walked away from 8 other men who did not meet my makes and breaks.

Perhaps because of my insecurities, I also have very little patience. I only give 2 strikes and then you’re out. I know what I want and looking for.

Cool. Those are great advices. Thank you all.

Can anybody talk more about how to know/assess if a guy is the right match with you?

I don’t know too much in that area.

Thanks.

Didn’t know why I would still bring this up:

But I still think of him, he seems to be everything I wanted: driven, smart, handsome and caring with one big problem: he doesn’t want me! I haven’t been thinking about this too much for the past few days but sometimes it comes back to hunt me!

I just don’t know why I always get caught up in this type of situation: I am attracted to a guy but ultimately the guy was not interested. They are usually one type of guy: good-looking, masculine, successful and know what they want. And they usually decide they don’t want me although they appeared interested initially. Is it because I am looking for the wrong guys always or is it because of me, that I can’t keep guys interested?

I don’t know how to get out of this thinking process that he is too good for me and always trying to prove myself to him.

I am not hurting or sad anymore, I just really want to be with someone I want(and in this case, I want him) and think we would be very happy if we are together.

Ok, first of all, I have no guy in the world that truly love me and care about me except my dad and my brother.

There are also a few guys who are interested and pursued me but I doubt they really love and care for me. I stopped talking to all my ex.

And then there are my friends, they are great and I talk to them regularly but they have their lives and all have bfs..

Yes I think it might be my problem, I am thinking should I ask for those guys for feedback as to why they are not interested anymore or what I did wrong?

I know it might sound absurd first but I wouldn’t never know if I don’t ask, and I can’t improve if I don’t know.

Linda you’re probably only going to meet 2, 3, 4 men in your entire life that really love you or that you really love. It’s not something that happens every day. How old are you?