He disappeared after sex and I am hurting

Oh Linda, I am so sorry to hear this. Its absolutely horrible, and you do not deserve this at all.
When it comes down to it, guys often don’t have the respect for the girl, and I mean, think of it this way, you dodged a bullet. He didn’t even have the respect to message and say he isn’t feeling it anymore, his way out… ghosting you. You deserve better, and it will come.
Give yourself some time before going back on the dating app, try to keep away from anything that will trigger any emotions or memories about him. Find a good TV series and binge watch, it’ll take some time, but you’ll look back on this and you’ll wonder why you put so much effort into caring about what he did. He should have been so lucky to find someone like you. I know its annoying to hear this now, but you will find someone, there are plenty of frogs to kiss, I promise. All the best love – Lenna x

Thanks ladies, I appreciate it!

@Hannah, I am 23 and will be 24 soon, living in NYC and probably only had one man who is not my dad and brother loved me before, that was back in high school. Since I split up with my high school boyfriend, I was in a few short relationships but nobody really loved or truly cared for me, I know that.

Linda, honestly don’t worry about it! Men are like buses…none come along for ages and then 3 turn up all at once!

I was single for years in my early 20s because the men were either still boys or I wasn’t attracted to them. I met the right guy at 25 and we’ve been together ever since (I’m now 40).

Keep your standards and self esteem high. Make your life so good you hardly have time to fit a man into it!

But don’t worry. You have years and years to grow and find the right man. You really do!

Elly are you looking for the guy that matches you completely? If not, I think you should be! Why waste time with men you know aren’t right for you? You may miss out on the one who is because you’re messing around with someone who doesn’t meet your needs.

I think the guys you mention are sensible. It’s nice to have fun with someone who isn’t “the one”, like FWB or something. But why bother to try and have anything more than that with them? It doesn’t make any sense.

Linda, you are saying you don’t know where it went wrong..and plus, give yourself time now to breath cause your ego is hurting now, from the fact that he unmatched you. But if you think about it, it’s far from being an end of the world. So you had sex with a guy that you were not in a commitment with. A consensual sex. Read that again. That makes you at best, good friends. Your having sex with him and then expect something out of it/out of him is like trading sex for a relationship or whatever you feel like you want from this guy. In his mind however, he is much more practical, he thinks a) if I like the sex, and if she is cool with it, we continue having sex
B) I fell for this girl, I like her wether we have sex or not, I ll stay
C) we are not in a relationship, cause we never discussed that, I don’t feel it, im gone.
You’re mistake was to get ahead of yourself, imagine things which were not there. We all are guilty of such things, but We get smarter with time and develope protective strategies. Like you damn well make sure, you are both on the same page, in general and know and like each other enough so everything can be discussed. And this simply was not and could not be the case from 4 dates!! He is a stranger to you, do you realize that? You chose to trust a stranger! Hence the wait and see strategy, in order for a guy to fall for you, he has to see you a lot and he has to see you often before sex. So in your scenario, you have put all your eggs into one basket (one guy) risking that that basket becomes overloaded and falls to the ground..with all the eggs broken. It was simply an inefficient dating strategy. Whoa I urge you to try next time is place your eggs (time, energy, throughts..) smartly, in several baskets (guys), so when one for whatever reason falls, you ve got another one to nurture;). And never like a guy more than he likes you. And never contact a guy first after first sex. If you don’t hear from him, consider that basket fallen.

Dear Linda, I’m terribly sorry this happened to you. Being ghosted really sucks. This is a cowardly, rude, immature and disrespectful way to end intimate relationship. I know how it feels as I’ve been there way too many times (I’m 40 now). You must be feeling a mix of anger, confusion, humiliation, all at the same time as missing him and wanting the person who you thought he was back!
Having gone through this painful experience myself I was able to learn a great deal from it. It pushed me to work on myself, inspired my personal growth, dealing with my past issues and insecurities, set up my boundaries. Tough situations build strong people! Winner do fail, but they get up and do it again until they win.
If a guy ghosts or pulls away, act like a QUEEN and draw a red velvet line. If a guy doesn’t treat you with love care trust and respect, let him go. You don’t need to know why… he is going to give you lies anyway!
The main lesson I’ve learned from this experience is to value myself, my time and my life and to be selective as to who I invite into my life. And so I am NOT laying down my commitment card too soon. Instead I take my time and not rush into anything with a guy. Dating is choosing. And so when you meet him, he is on a probation period… for at least three months maybe more (depends on situation!). The aim is to build a gut level deep emotional connection and friendship during this time by doing shared activities together, creating sweet memories. If he is pushing for intimacy, tell him you like him, but you don’t move that fast and you know like 1% about him and yet to found it if he is fit to be a boy friend. And say it with a smile on your face. If he hasn’t proved himself, wants to rush into intimacy, shows no interest in spending quality time and getting to know you, then what are we doing here? He should be be out of your life swiftly and without drama. Do not ghost or disappear, just say you don’t take a guy seriously if he behaves that way, and so you don’t see this going anywhere romantically.
I’m not saying dating is easy. It does requires continuous time, effort, and desire to grow and mature as a person. You are still really young! Don’t let the fear of rejection to bring you down. This is not the worst thing that can happen to you in life. So go and life a life full of passions and amazing experiences and create your own happy movie!

Hi, sometimes being nice and making efforts doesn’t work, simply cause it’s attempted too early..in such early stages of dating, you should have been teasing each other, having fun. I think you liked him earlier and more than he did, and so you ve tried, perhaps unconsciously to ‘push’ it into something more serious and he felt that vibe..now no guy says no to a sex proposal, so he went for it, nothing wrong with that, I hope you enjoyed it. Now you need to change your mindset in order to get over it. Rather than positioning yourself as a victim, you can also position yourself as the princess who is choosing her prince. And as such it should be immediately off-putting that the guy is not behaving towards you like to the princes you are and deserve. Therefore, you should lose any and all attraction towards such a behavior and the author of such a behavior, simply casue you know that this will make you miserable if you allow it to continue. And so in this case, loving yourself deeply, you ll quickly estimate this is not a good match for you, move on to the others. Cause others there are. And with each subsequent candidate you learn valuable lessons, even if it doesn’t work. Cherish how you felt when you felt it, but as soon as it doesn’t feel good anymore, and trust your instinct on it, run for the hills. That’s the only way to brace yourself against disappointment. Good luck!