He doesn't feel the connection

Did you look into anxious insecure attachment style? Does that resonate with you about yourself at all? If it does, you may be getting emotionally stuck and are unable to fully process the breakup at the moment, which is why the pain is dragging out. Being sad when it’s part of ruminating and wallowing (focusing on him and his feelings and actions) while telling yourself a blaming negative story about yourself (ie I must be bad or have done something wrong and made him leave, though this isn’t really true!) can actually be a way to try to hold on to the connection, make you feel more in control in a roundabout way. You’re holding onto *potential,* but it’s not actually who he is. It’s spinning around and around thinking positively about him instead of focusing on and being kind to yourself, perhaps even hoping he’ll come back, all without fully feeling your own deep feelings of disappointment because they’re threatening and painful and scary. When stuck for those reasons, it’s difficult to feel all your emotions in a way that allows you to let it go and move on. It’s more about you rebuilding your self-esteem, accepting the situation, and knowing you deserve better (so, good riddance to him!) than it is about who he is at this point.

Meaning..does he think he’s the good guy in all this?

It doesn’t matter what he thinks. Read that again.

Anonyn,

I’m so sorry for your loss. Sadly I know exactly how you feel. I wish I didn’t. It’s devastating isn’t, when they act like you’re the one, then suddenly (almost) out of the blue they turn around and don’t want to know you anymore.

Cry Anonyn. Cry your heart out if that’s what you’re feeling. Cry and let yourself mourn this loss. It’s unfair, it’s devastating and heartbreaking. Why oh why can’t they love us? What is wrong with us?

Of course. The truth is, there’s nothing wrong with us, we’re just asking the wrong questions. The truth is, it’s the relationship that was wrong for us, even if we can’t see it yet.

When you like (or even love, because truly that’s what it feels like doesn’t it?) someone, we sometimes can’t help building up this fantasy in our head of what our futures going to be like with this amazing person we’ve finally found who seems to loves us back.

So then, when they’re gone, we haven’t only lost them, we’ve lost this beautiful new future we had planned with them too in our head. Double whammy.

The future can look so bleak in contrast until we fill that void left in our hearts and lives from their absence.

You will heal and get over this, I promise. Not only that, you’ll bounce back brighter and stronger and more loveable than ever before. You see, the problem was never you – it’s him. HE is not right for you. How do I know that? Because he wasn’t savvy enough to wait around to figure out all the unique wonderful brilliant and even quirky things that are so special about you. The universe has moved him aside because that privilege belongs to another who is still on his way to you yet.

I know you can’t see it yet and it’s not easy to believe, but your true guy is coming!

I think the other posters on this thread have given you some wonderful advice and guidance. When you’re up to it, take some time to read through again and start applying it. Eric had an absolutely superb post titled “What makes a man want commitment : Key distinction”. Also there’s some excellent guidance he’s written on the post titled “Should I text him? / is he waiting for me to text him”. Be sure to read these as there are some answers in there to your questions too.

Now, as to this Mr Wrong who has just left a vacancy in your life, we can actually thank him. You know why? He was your Practice Guy. Yes that’s right, his job was not to stay with you forever (that spot is reserved for your True Guy, the real one who is still out there wondering if you even exist and probably telling his friends he’s beginning to worry you don’t exist!). Practice Guy’s job was only to – yes you’ve got it, serve as practice so you can assess what works, what doesn’t, get to know yourself better and how you operate in the game of love, and learn more about how guys operate and what they want, need and like. All very very very useful research and learning that will serve you so well in your future relationship (and marriage even, if that’s what you’re desiring at some point).

Anonyn, you’re not alone I promise you. I am still heartbroken and so so so sad that the one I love does not love me back enough. Some days I’m better than others. Like yesterday morning I was feeling much better and stronger than I’ve been for months. It felt like all my hard work was beginning to pay off. Then I saw him again last night (because I’m not in a position where I can go no contact) and all those feelings just came rushing back to overwhelm me and put me back to almost square one. We only exchanged 1 sentence each, but it was enough to have me craving and missing him all over again and so so feeling as if I still love him so much.

It totally sucks.

Still even despite this setback, I’m better than I was a month ago. I was reading about the stages of grief the other day, and that they’re not linear.

You know, we will get over this. We will.

Let yourself cry, feel sad, eat lots of ice-cream and wish wish wish it didn’t have to be this way. I’ve found when I let myself feel the sadness and sorrow in full, it helps much more than when I try to repress or deny or tell myself I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Unrequited love is painful. We feel what we feel. It’s okay.

And then tomorrow, or the day after, once we’ve had a good cry, let’s get up, go for a run, then jump in the shower, wash our hair, put on our best outfit and our favourite lipstick and get back out there. After all our True Guy is still out there!

I wonder if the next one we meet will qualify and make the grade this time….

Fingers crossed for both you and me!

Sending you hugs and love, you’re going to be so much more than okay. Xxxxxxx

B, I’ve just read your post! Maybe my post is for you then! Sending you love and hugs!!! 😘💞💞💞