He doesn’t like that I’m friends with my ex

Include couple of ex girlfriends of your current boyfriend and see how it goes for you

It’s easy to say “I wouldnt mind if he were friends with his ex too” when part of your mind knows it’s a near-guarantee that wont ever happen if he isnt friends with them already. Hypotheticals are easy. Reality is often a different story

It’s not so much about being open minded. Everyone has different insecurities and comfort zones that are shaped by their experience, observations, upbringing etc. You should ask him to elaborate his reasons and it might help you understand him. But I agree that you two seem incompatible.

Thankfully neither I or any of my exes have had to deal with this issue. Ending on good terms doesn’t necessarily have to mean staying in touch. I like to think if my trust was solid enough, and my partner’s integrity was authentic instead for-show, it wouldn’t bother me. But I would instinctively raise an eyebrow at anyone who goes out of their way to be friends with an ex. Because there are so many people out there who’re pseudo-friends. For various reasons, knowingly and unknowingly, that arent platonic on both sides.

There is no right or wrong answer. It ultimately comes down to each individuals comfort level where it concerns an ex or exes.

My partner is the same as you, although not to your degree and I’m like your guy where I have no desire to be friends with or maintain contact with an ex.

There are only two exes I’ve had any interaction with over the dozen or so relationships I’ve had since I was a teen; almost 40 years ago lol. One ‘pops in’ about every 5 years when he’s going through a life crisis; and my ex husband who I was married to for over 20 years and we have two sons together. I rarely ever speak to my ex husband. The only reason I maintain any contact with him is when it concerns our sons; whereas if we didn’t have any, I would perfectly OK never speaking to or seeing him again. That’s just how I roll.

My partner retains friendships with his exes but he is not “buddy buddy” with them. His interactions with his exes are very minimal or rare except with his daughter’s mom as they co-parented after their divorce since she was 5 y.o. so they developed a good friendship over the past 23 years (she’s now 28). However, their interactions are primarily about their daughter and its clear to me there are zero residual romantic feelings involved between them, or his most recent ex who I also met, which is why it doesn’t bother me at all.

Maybe if you can get them together it would help him like it helped me? If I had any inkling there were any residual romantic feelings involved between my partner and his exes, I would have walked away pronto.

I’m a pretty laid back person in general, and I have no problem with my boyfriend being on good terms and being in touch with his exes. I met an ex of mine for a coffee and chat when he was in town visiting, pre-pandemic. I don’t see anything wrong with stuff like that.

But honestly I’d be uncomfortable if my boyfriend were regularly hanging out, going out to eat, playing video games etc with an ex. To me that implies a level of emotional intimacy that I just wouldn’t be comfortable with. Because like Newbie said, there is a history there that you don’t have with other friends. And the way I see it (like Newbie also said), my bf is building a future with me, not his ex. My bf feels the same way I do, so luckily we are on the same page.

And yes, inviting your ex to your birthday with your bf there is just asking for drama. I’m a little surprised you don’t see why your ex would be unhappy with that. I do think that ultimately perhaps you and your bf are just not compatible on this issue.

It’s not a question of right or wrong. It’s about individual people’s comfort zones and boundaries. If your boyfriend were totally fine with all of it, then of course there would be no problem. But the two of you have polar opposite views on this. You say he “is very different from me in his views of the world, almost from another planet.” This doesn’t bode well for a relationship, honestly. To successfully build a relationship you need to share values and world views. Obviously you don’t have to (and shouldn’t) agree on everything, but there should be a baseline of harmony and agreement. If his views are so opposite from yours that you feel he’s from another planet, I don’t see how you can build a successful long term relationship. Just my two cents.