He Doesn't See A Future For Us

Tough one….

You ever see a dog with a bone? He puts it aside and really isn’t interested in it UNTIL another dog shows up and wants it? Then that first dog will fight to the death for it.

That happens with men sometimes….

My fiance told me that when a man likes a woman (but isn’t really wanting a relationship) he can be convinced at times to proceed and do it.

These are the type of guys who go along fine and really enjoy time with that woman but don’t see marriage or future, YET, also don’t want to be alone or start all over at the moment. So if the woman really pushes it, he will go along with for a little while. UNTIL… she either does something that makes him realize it isn’t worth losing his freedom to be with her OR he meets ‘the one’ woman that he DOES see as wife material.

I found this to be interesting insight. It helps explain alot regarding male behavior and how men can get into a relationship with you , but then turn it off just as easily.

Well, the better approach would have been to have asked this BEFORE you accepted the GF title. You could have said, “I want to be your GF, but I also want to be with someone who sees a future together.” Then you could have tested out his reaction.

Just asking you to be a GF doesn’t solve the issue he isn’t seeing a future.

At this point, an approach you might take would be to calmly say to him. “It feels great to be your GF. I know I should have stated this before, but I want to be clear that I am at the point in my life where I want to be with a man who see’s a future together.”

Then shut up and see how he reacts. If he waffles on it, or reverts back to his original position, you will have your answer. Then you can decide if this relationship is worth spending any more time on.

I now its difficult,yet better to know now than 2 years from now.
A man will always fall back on what he has told you – if a woman does not pay attention to it.

In your case, you could be 2 years out asking him “where do you see us going?” and he will throw back in your face, ” I told you a long time ago, I didn’t see a long term future with us.”

Go at your own risk. He is basically saying you are going to have to wait and see. The word ‘ thinks it could change’ means that right now he doesn’t feel that way.

If you stay it’s on his terms and at the risk you waste years waiting around for him to develop such feelings. My guess is that he loves you but is not in love with you.

I am sorry to say this but I don’t see you having a future with him since he doesn’t.

He is hoping his feelings will change – well, what if they don’t? Where does that leave you?

So he basically said to you 1) I don’t want you to date other guys 2) I don’t feel that we have a future yet.

Sounds selfish – it is all about him – and you are going along with it….wasting your time hoping for different….not fair to you at all. Please see this. Reverse the situation – what if you did this to a guy?

I am writing to share my painful experience…I dated him for a year..every time i hinted him about the future he got scared and to string me along he asked me to meet a priest and ask about wedding procedures and when the priest gave us the answers, he would say coldly: ok, now we knew the procedures, but I want to focus on my job…I can’t think of any long term commitment but at least we knew the procedures.

I wasted a year…and will never more…

Very tough one emotionally yet so easy to see rationally. Question is when we hear this, can we control our emotions to make a rational decision? I believe that men do not essentially change, neither does what they want in a particular relationships. They will happily string you along because it is comforting and good for them and no they will not want to share you with any other men so be exclusive but do not have any hopes for commitment. If you try to bring it up, you may get a cold shoulder or worse. I do think it is best to leave these situations as soon as possible because while it is incredibly difficult, it will only get worse as time goes on. It is different if both are committed but need to work out their differences. But if the man is not committed, you are bound to get hurt and you will sooner or later. They also hate having the girl walk out on them, it has to do with their egos, they will want to be the ones ending it when and how they want it and are ready to. Why don’t you take your destiny in your own hands and make that decision and not allow him to also kick you to the ground when he feels like it?

so my now ex boyfriend of 4.5 months who is going through a divorce with an X who doesn’t want to divorce ( they have been separated for over a year now and he has had subsequent rebound relationships since then it seems… i was the first serious one. I felt him pull back 2 weeks ago just as the final part of the divorce was underway, he has a little boy and i know he was super stressed with finances and starting again. I gave him a bit of space but i noticed the distance more and more which i asked him about, he said everything was ok and we could meet the week we were both back from our trips and to keep messaging him. I didn’t i just stepped back, we got back and i knew something was up, got him to call me, and he said even though we had fun and an amazing time, he just did not see a future with me, (after he had been telling me that he wanted me to meet his family and all these future plans.) he said he had high hopes and it was really sad. I agreed with him but I am very upset as to what the sudden change of heart was whether he just wants to have the single life or did he freak out, he made out to me that he was ready for a relationship. He wants to meet next week to give me my things, im just not sure if that is a good idea or no :( I dont know if this was anything to do with me, or just him and his issues:(