He doesn't tell his female friend he is in a relationship

yes I get that I can’t demand he tell her about me, but worry about why he hides the fact from her, and what it means?

I think it is interesting that he is lying to her.

I agree that worrying and getting upset is not the answer – but after 6 months a guy knows if a girl is the one or not. I’m pretty sure that I have read an article on this very site saying that a guy knows after about 3 months whether you are the one. Sounds to me like he is hanging on to this other girl for some reason.

Thanks so much everyone for responding. Amy made me realize something important too: if he’s willing to lie to a “long time friend”. ( or anyone for that matter), what does it say about his character? In answer to your question on how he would feel if in my shoes, well,interestingly, he seems to show no jealousy or even curiosity as to my activities and friends when he isn’t around… makes me wonder how much he really cares, because although jealousy is never good, a little possessiveness is.

Kim,

You are getting yourself all worked up. A little possessiveness is good? Wow, that is not even a little true.

And honestly, all this feedback is probably just making it worse. I am not saying you should or should not do anything, but I know all this is going to make it worse and not a growth experience for you and him. It is going to end in a fight, and most likely with you regretting whateever you decide to do. It is an old story around here. BE VERY CAREFUL, UNLESS YOU WANT A BREAKUP.

His lack of jealousy should not be twisted into not caring. That is your own crap. Jealousy is a wasted emotion and does not mean anything. So is possessiveness.

The reality is that almost everyone has a person in their life that they have/had some feelings for, and do little white lies to keep the situation ambiguous. Is it great? No, but it is generally harmless.

I think you should have an adult conversation with him about it and tell him that it bothers you and that you just want to understand. It seems pretty serious after six months and you are going on a cruise together. I would be bothered that he said it was “no big deal”!

In my experience, when a guy really likes you he wants to “show you off” and he has to everyone but this one friend. It seems to me that he has more than just friendly feelings for this other girl. Just my opinion.

good luck!

Kim,

I think that you are right about feeling the way you do. It’s normal. I would feel the same way.

In my case, I don’t accept everything my boyfriend does, just to avoid a confrontation or a possible break up, IF his actions are affecting me. Some women may not be bothered by this behavior, therefore it’s perfectly ok for them to ignore it. But if this type of behavior is not acceptable to you, you should express it to him. He should know.

Now, be ready for his response. It may not be something that you would like to hear. It depends on the woman. I’d rather know the truth than living in a bubble. But you should not make any demands, just express to him how you feel about it. If he is worried about how this girl feels or thinks, I assume he would also be concerned about what his girlfriend feels or thinks.

Been reading. And im in the same situation. Its really breaking my heart right now. Idk if i should continue or not. Any updates

You guys have only been together for 6 months. I would say chill and let him make his own decision as to when to tell her. He has already told u that in the past things have not worked out when he introduced gfs who then turned to be not gfs. Give it a year (that is usually the time when couples decide whether they want to be together or break up). And then bring it up again.

I think you are just making a big deal out of nothing and this very thing will spoil your vacation and may make him react by dumping you after the cruise. If a guy made me do something that I was not ready to do, I would have dumped his ass already. As IMO I am an adult and can make my own decisions. I and only I know when is the right time to tell whom about my relationship and whom not to.

@Jessica: The reason is because you are selfish. You enjoy the good friendship you now have with your ex, and you’re worried that if you tell him you have a boyfriend, the friendship won’t be as good anymore because your ex will feel awkward, jealous, regretful, betrayed, or whatever it is you worry he might feel. And you know what? It’s his prerogative to feel that way and to take space from you if that’s what he needs as a result. Hiding your relationship status from him so he can’t make an informed choice about how close he wants to be to you at this point in time is SELFISH.

My boyfriend hadn’t told his long term friend that we were together until I found out that he was telling her he had to go because he was with a “friend”. He gets irritated if I accidentally call him dude, or anything close, yet treats me like a friend to her. He talks about me a lot to all of his close friends and shows pictures of me, I know this. But with this one girl, I don’t think she’s knows a single thing about me. He said it just never “came up”. That kind of thing doesn’t just come up. He justifies it by telling me how she is 2,000 miles away and he isn’t very platonic with her. He is one out of the 3 friends she has in the world and he has the most free time. Apparently she has crippling anxiety. I love that he is the friend she needs but I hate how he was texting her while we were together and I was already going through some other stuff. I felt like he should have taken into consideration that he knew what I was going through and should have been there for me. He has appreciated her drawings and put them up, while I got no attention for mine. I realize the patterns. I tried to have an adult conversation. I’m not making ultimatums. But I am avoiding meeting her because I don’t want to know how fun she really is. She plays video games with him and be Skyped with him and talks for hours into the night. Which we don’t do. He said he vents to her. But he never really does with me. I have this idea that guys want a gamer girl and I don’t feel adequate, obviously. I just want to believe what he says, but him telling me he will talk to her less doesn’t mean he wants that. And I know that him being told not to do something still makes him want it more. What do I do? I feel like all that there is left to do is get over it but I’m having trouble sweeping it under the rug. From everything I’ve read it seems ive just lost my self worth. I have a low sex drive and don’t perform all that much. I am great for emotional support, but if she is also his emotional support, I’m unnecessary. She has known him longer and I do put her on a pedestal, which is wrong. I have a problem with how society works. I don’t have crushes on other people while in a relationship and flirt and I know that him doing this is harmless but that’s doesn’t make me happy. It’s too much to ask out of any boyfriend

Thoughts are appreciated and I am going to continue to work on myself