He doesnt want a relationship but wants to keep seeing me

I’d walk away.

This man does not love you fully. Everyone should feel that kind of love in their life. You’ll never have it from him. AND THEN, love is just PART of the puzzle. So many things need to fall into place, and be strived and worked for, in order for a healthy relationship to work. You do not have the basic, most important building block.

You need to stick to your guns and move on. Hugs.

LAgirl, I don’t want to get this thread off topic, but I am understanding your point about how men fall in love….I’m FINALLY understanding. lol. I don’t know if I am a typical woman, but for me it’s a slow process. (The ones that I get infatuated with because of looks don’t count. haa.)

Anyway, because I am the way I am, when men fall head over heels for me quickly, it scares me to pieces. It always seems so artificial, how can they be in love with me, when they don’t even know me? But, I am seeing its simply the way it works. It’s difficult for me, because there is a mismatch in timing. I hang in there way too long with someone that is ambivalent, because that is my speed. It’s an awful Catch-22.

Anyway, to get back on topic: I have come to understand that if a man is not into you fairly soon, say within the first couple of months, its just not going to happen. SO, Somegirlsadvice, this one just isn’t going to happen.

i appreciate what yous are saying

to clarify i’m not looking for a wedding ring, children and all that shabang

we are both young. I honestly just enjoy being round him and care for him alot. I feel like the last few weeks have been intense and we’ve both panicked a bit but besides that the last 10 months have been amazing.

i’ve been having inner turmoil deciding wether to walk away. My heart feels like it’s aching and that should be my answer.

i told him a “friendship” was not on the cards for me.
I’ve been there and it doesnt work.

He said he’s certain he wants us to continue seeing each other but i feel like my heart is telling me what yous all are.

i wish it wasn’t so painful trying to make a decision because i know the moment if i decide to end this i won’t look back.

I am so glad to be reading this. I just got out of a similar situation. I was seeing this guy who said up front he wasn’t ready for a committed relationship, but I chose to see him because at the time I had just got out of a bad relationship and wasn’t looking to jump back in. This was 4 years ago. We have been seeing each other off and on since then. I just recently found out he now has a girlfriend who he committed to within the first few months, they took a trip to mexico last month. We have the same circle of friends, so to my surprise he shows up to a party recently with her, and she is the cousin to one of my friends. I have been hurt ever since. We talked and he was cold and like someone stated because he told me up front he wasn’t ready for that his conscious is clear, it’s my fault for developing feelings when it isn’t that he wasn’t ready for that, he just didn’t want it with me. It just hurts like hell to admit it to myself but thats what it is. During the 4 years it was a couple times he tried settling down with other females, it didn’t work, few months he would be back because he knew stupid me would be right there and I was. This is the worst heartbreak ever. He told me he wants us to remain friends but I really don’t see the point. He just didn’t see or want a future with me. I would of rather him been up front and tell me that than to do it this way. I will never agree to anything like this again. For a man to say he is not ready, then becomes ready and doesn’t talk to you about it and settles down with someone else is very hurtful, but because he stated that he feels its ok he has no fault in anything. It’s not right but it is what it is

I was in a whirlwind relationship for five months. Off the wall, I know, but it felt right. He started to move in and we lived together happily (or so I thought) for nearly a month. One day he decided an email was an appropriate way of letting me know he felt we were moving too fast. I was completely devastated but understood where he was coming from. It was moving too fast and instead of speaking up, I just went with it. Now, although he said he wasn’t breaking up with me, it is exactly where our relationship was headed – to Splitsville. After actions not lining up with words and finally feeling like an idiot. I cut the string. Haven’t spoken to him in nearly a week. He hasn’t reached out and I refuse to. Stay strong…We all deserve someone who wants the same things. I’m struggling daily but I will make it…You can to!!

Well he wants to come over and talk

Even though i feel he has already said what he needs to say.

He told me he just can’t do it. He wants us to be friends, he’s not comfortable with intimacy after 10months or anything like a relationship.

I’m so angry because he told me he loved me, treated me like a gf. i never asked or ever presumed we where more.

i don’t understand why he is coming over.

But tbh as much as i love him and i really do i can’t put myself through more tears, its hard to imagine him not in my life but i have to walk away because the pain has been unreal the last few days.

All of a sudden turning into just friends after 10 months of dating just isn’t possible. Anyone over 18 ought to know that.

Harley is right and I suspect you know that. No point in seeing him again and torturing yourself. He’s made his position clear and you know where you stand.

There’s no need to be angry. He said those things and sounds like he meant them at the time. Things change. It wasn’t a promise to be with you the rest of your life. He is being honest rather than stringing you along.

Most of the times guys mean well but they aren’t seeing the situation clearly when they act like this. The “I don’t want to lose you” thing just doesn’t wash.

SomeGirlsAdvice – I think he is being really selfish. But then again he is putting himself first. Maybe its time you put yourself first. Tell him that there is really nothing to talk about and you would appreciate it if he did not contact you anymore. That you are looking for a committed relationship and since he cannot give that to you, there is no point of meeting or keeping in touch. That you need to think about yourself and you cannot do just friendship with him. If friendship with him can be possible in the future you will see but for that you need to get over him and for that you need space and no contact from him.

If he comes back with anything else besides that he respects where you are coming from and is going to give you space and no contact, I would block him and give yourself the space. If he comes to your door, DO NOT LET HIM IN as he will suck you back and the cycle will start all over again.

Im going through somthing similar. My boyfriend recently told me he still isnt over his ex. He said he thinks we might have rushed into things and never got to know each other. So he now wants to be friends and when i said its over, he told me he didn want to end everything. So i asked him if he wanted to take a break and remain friends ? He said yes. And asked me if we could still talk. I asked him if he was seeing his ex again he said no im not back with anyone , im with you only. Now i am bothered. I dont know what all this is. I dont know what to do. We are classmates and we have major exams in a week. Do you think hes doing thus so he can concentrate on his studies ? I WANT him back as i really like him. Please help me as i cant figure out what he wants and how i should proceed :(

If he’s told you he’ll end up hurting you, believe him.

I chose to ignore those words once. A year later I had my heart broken. And he threw that line back in my face. ‘I told you months ago I’d end up hurting you but you chose to stay!’

He texted me today and tried to have a casual conversation as friends. He told me he missed me and he didnt want to text but did anyway. Then he asked me “what if after sometime i want to get back with you and you like someone else ” I dont know what to do …….. I really like him :( is there any chance he’ll come around ??