He doesnt want a relationship but wants to keep seeing me

Same situation..
8 months-it started out great, he’d cook me dinner with his kids I’d do the same, we’d have sleepovers all the time. He invited me to parties were family members were- Im thinking its going great. I toke longer to let him meet my daughter but was honest telling him no-one meets my daughter so consider yourself lucky.
This started to get more heavy then he pulled away. We continued to see eachother casually but I finally told him I wanted more.
He,, like these other’s explained he didn’t want a serious relationship and wanted to just continue as things were….
I thought I could handle that no drama!!!
Guess not..
I backed off for about a month but we’ve ended up back together this weekend. .
We totally enjoy eachothers company but I need to be honest nit just with him but to myself. I want more now- is that so wrong?
How would I approach this?
I do like this guy and know he likes me too. After reading everyone else’s situations, I’m now considering cutting contact to see how long it takes him to call me.

I’ve wanted something no stress and just enjoy each others company but I’ll be the one hurt.
Help!!!

I met a guy in 2013. He had just come off of a break up with his fiancée and was in a pretty bad place. We dated on and off from late summer to around Thanksgiving, when he told me that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. It made me feel badly, but I went on about my business. Then, he showed back up in the new year, and even celebrated Valentine’s Day with me. We went on a trip to Mexico in March, and the relationship struggled until around July, when I finally broke it off with him. We went on a trip to Mexico in March, and the relationship struggled until around July, when I finally broke it off with him. Why did I break it off? He was on again off again, unpredictable, and completely only thinking of himself. He only referred to me as his girlfriend when it was convenient, and it turned out that he was actually in contact with several other girls at the time, unbeknownst to me.
Fast forward to this year, 2016. After a couple years, yes YEARS of no contact, he was back. Apparently, he missed me. But nope. Not the case. From around November until just within the last week, the relationship has once again been a roller coaster of him jerking me around. Him not being sure he could trust me, him not being sure he could even love anyone, him not being sure about anything. One thing I am sure about? I am no more than a fallback plan for him.
Take it from me, please. If someone discards you like that, they are NOT a good connection. Cut ties. No talking. Don’t give him the chance to jerk you around again!

Thanks for the efforts to continue this thread. I too have gone through the similar thing. He was a caring supportive bf for 1 year. I wasn’t a very secure person, he managed to text and call me every morning and night and up until the point when he faded away, I had just realized he was never someone who liked to text and call his gf regularly in his nature. Our ‘breakup’ was due to external issues. He didn’t choose me. It is very upseting and unimagineable that someone like this eventually showed you to ur face that they don’t care anymore. I struggled for 9 months. I could not let go, it was not even an option for me. But then I slowly accepted the fact. Love takes two. If one person gives up, the other cannot revive it no matter how she’d try. I kind of feel my delaying of breaking it up had given him the opportunity to heal, because otherwise he would suffer that sharp pain and remember me as someone with self respect. Now I am just someone like any other women who will sacrifice her value to be with him. So he won’t have that kind of respect for me anymore. Nothing feels worse than this. But to be honest I still cannot walk away completely. It is pathetic.

He’s playing you. Pure and simple.

He never gets in touch but when you do he’s all over you? He’s thinking “oh good she’s up for sex again”. That’s it! You know about one other woman but there may be more. And why tolerate that? He’s having his fun after the end of his marriage and other break-up. You’re miserable because you’re allowing yourself to be used by someone that doesn’t really care for you. So stop!

Sara I’ll join the ‘no contact’ chorus. I understand you hadn’t had a fight or anything so the reason he doesn’t want to commit must have come from within himself. The best way for a guy to figure out his issues is to be left alone.

Rosie – he is 100% just playing you…..Very typical….

Never contacts you but all over you when you do?? This is him telling you you want to provide free sex and comfort at no cost to me, OK, I will take it………Since you beg to give it to me…..

Thank you guys!

I’m devastated. As all of you on here I’m looking for a meaningful relationship while guys are all like that. No matter what how sexy or attractive I am or talented I am as an engineer, I failed all the time since I put my heart out there. OK, head up, there is not anything wrong with being passionate and honest. Thank you guys! Be strong and confident! We will find our true love.

I didn’t think what I was experiencing was so prominent everywhere. I am at a loss as to what to do at times and at other times quite content with the way things are.
I am a contradiction.
I met a wonderful man November 2015. We both weren’t looking for a relationship, but then started dating because it was nice to have someone to do stuff with and we not only enjoyed each other’s company but we were very attracted to one another. In fact, if I could have special ordered a man – all the way down to hobbies, hair color and eye color, this would have been it. We went out on several dates – I was still going through a difficult divorce (had dated other guys afterwards but never cared for them) and he had also come out of an unsatisfying relationship about 10 months before meeting me. Everything was going well – in fact, better than well. He was so sweet, showed me love in many ways, giving, caring, respectful and thoughtful. We’d text every day and talk every other day – never less than an hour+ on the phone. He texted “XOXO” to me frequently. I was spending many weekends at his place, he cooked for me, cuddled me and we were intimate often. I began to realize that I broke the rules. I fell in love – when I promised myself I wouldn’t – when I knew he was not ready for a committed relationship.
So in mid February 2016 I got the courage up to talk with him about my feelings. He started backing off – stating he got carried away – and that he felt like we just ‘fell’ into a relationship when neither of us wanted one. That our lives became predictable and it wasn’t what he wanted. But deep down inside I longed to be his lady – I missed romantic things and felt like I just wanted more. I needed security. The conversation was difficult. I choked on my words. I cried. He apologized profusely because he said the one thing he never wanted to do was to hurt me and he had done it without trying. Though he insisted he wasn’t ready for a relationship, he also stated he was not sleeping with anyone else, and that if he were to want a committed relationship that it would be me he’d choose. He said he had 2 other relationships in his life that went south and he didn’t want to mess things up. I got whatever I had left at his place and went home – I didn’t see him for 3 weeks. In that time we still texted every day and I was always open with my thoughts and feelings.
As March 2016 arrived, so did new hope for me. I missed what we were, even though it was untitled. We began to see each other occasionally, but not every weekend and not for entire weekends. We were intimate again and I was satisfied. I am definitely not looking to move in or to get married. I own my own home and have 2 teenage daughters I care for (which I would not allow him to meet, and he still hasn’t met), a career, as well as many other responsibilities. I had no time to ‘settle down’ with anyone really.
April 2016 came and then he invited me to his mother’s house for dinner. I met a lot of his family that day. I felt really weird. Like what was this? Why was I there? His family was nice to me, they knew lots about me – as it turned out he spoke of me highly and often.
May 2016 arrived with going to his 4 year old niece’s birthday party. I met just about everyone. His niece loved me and I thought the world of her too. I liked his whole family and they all knew me by name as well as things about my life (my job etc) that he often talked about. The end of May I went on a one night camping trip with his 2 buddies and him. I really felt kind of awkward, but he wanted me to go. Now here we are midway into June, undefined yet very ‘in’ to each other still. I have no desire to meet or date other people – I don’t know what his thoughts are on us anymore and I am absolutely terrified to ask. One day I texted an I love you – and he responded – I love you too. I cried that day. I am always confused. If he had no intention on keeping me in his life, would he have gone through the hassle of me meeting his family? His family is one of the most important things to him – so this was big. He also always talks about things we’re going to do in the future… again, confusing.
I like where we are. I like having him in my life, enjoying each other on many levels and knowing he cares. I don’t like worrying that I’m a fill-in until the right girl comes along (even asked him this in February and he was hurt that I’d think this of him). I don’t like not being able to introduce him as anything but his name – as he does with me. I love that we still have our spaces and aren’t looking to move in together or anything. I love that we are both in our 40’s and established – and I love the freedom our arrangement allots me… but I hate worry. I hate fear and I hate thinking he’d be open to meeting other women. It frightens me. Despite his confusion he really is a good person and I don’t want to lose him.
Although I met all of his family – he has yet to meet any of mine, including my daughters as I see no point in it if he’s not really by partner. I don’t want my family to like him and then have him disappear.
So I am in the ‘situationship’ boat too. The man that “isn’t ready for a relationship” but treats this like a wonderful loving relationship. I feel like he is just afraid to take a leap. He doesn’t want this to fail. He likes this and wants to move slowly. But am I fooling myself?
Maybe he’s a contradiction too.

There was this guy who I fell in love with but he just wants to be friends but I made it clear that it wasn’t going to happen we were friends for a while a few years ago then he moved away from home got a girlfriend so now we are back to no contact at least till he and his girlfriend break up

Why are you housing a man who does not want a relationship with you?!

*bangs head*

This thread gives me so much strength. I thought I was alone. But to see all your posts and to see such beautiful women being played…running after a guy who is only thinking about themselves…….wow.

We all need to stick together and really learn to love ourselves…because once we do, we will never fight for a man who does not want us as a whole….

love you strangers….you all give me strength.

You go. Words don’t mean a damn thing when they don’t match up with actions.

Words are cheap. Action costs us something. Our time, our effort.

If a man wants to change the dynamic of your relationship, that means he has to DO something. Not just say it. Women attaach meaning to words when the actions say the exact opposite.

You need to tell him you aren’t doing this. That he has done nothing to show you he’s serious and you are done. And you need to mean it and walk away.

If a guy doesn’t want to lose you, he will come back and SHOW it by stepping up .You are making this easy on him. You aren’t giving him any consequences and he isn’t giving you any respect. Take your power back and stand up for yourself. Stop settling for pathetic little crumbs. The chances of him actually stepping up are miniscule. But they are non existent if you allow this pattern to continue.

We teach people how to treat us by what we allow, what we enforce, or what we put a stop to. You have been teaching him he can make no effort, but as long as he tells you some pretty little meaningless words you won’t go anywhere.

^^^ What Philly said.. Nothing to even add.. so spot on. Read that again and again when you feel weak bc it is truth. Do not waste another minute of your life on him.