He doesn't want to commit but won't leave me alone

OMG are you my clone?

I had the same exact experience. I started liking a guy at work, I told him about how I liked him, he just got out of a relationship. I went on holiday for two weeks, came back to work, he was all over me, he even said, if he helped me with work, I have to owe him drinks. I said OK. So anyway, I agreed to a drink with him but then he didn’t show up. I then gave up, obviously, he’s not interested, our workmates convinced me he did like me. Anyway, he would be in the same room as me, made sure I worked with him, my colleague even said “I think you’re starting to like her” and he said yes. He even introduced me to his sister and she was keen to get to know me. Every time I texted him, he would reject me through text but then would come back at staff parties and follow me around, again people were telling me he likes me, he’s just shy and that he needed to cut his balls. Everyone kept telling me to not give up when I wanted to. This went on for a good two years, running hot and cold towards each other. I knew he would get jealous when I talked to other people.

I went NC I was lucky enough for him to leave the job as he got promoted so it was easier for me to ignore him. My colleague’s birthday came up, he didn’t even get on with this colleague, so I thought, weird that he’d go to his party since they don’t get along. Again, people kept pushing me to be with him. He even said that he wanted to ask me out despite all the rejections but he couldn’t. I didn’t give him the talk “what are we”, I just avoided staff parties he was there, it was the only way I could forget him. But I guess with you, just say

“It seems like you don’t want to be with me, so leave me alone, I don’t want to be with someone who wants something casual, we can remain being friends but don’t follow me like as if you want me. I like you a lot but it seems like you want something different”. Ask him what it is he wants from you if he doesn’t want commitment since you only stated that it’s not healthy for your sanity, that’s not really telling him much, be specific. that way you both know you’re on the same page. If that doesn’t work, just report him.

My friend and I got to a conclusion, men that want to have their ego stroked and sex but don’t want to commit, keep coming back because they know that they once had you, they know how to convince you they don’t have to do all the work they did in the beginning and think they have you there for whenever they feel like having some action.

I don’t see why we want to see things where there aren’t any. He wants booty and will keep coming back unless you make it clear that he won’t get any unless he commits.

Listen calm down…every one has some or the other time,when it comes to facing ex! But the truth is if he doesn’t want you back neither wants to commit…then its obvious he isnt sure of his feelings…and if this happens and you still keep falling for him for his wavering feelings…then he will take you for granted and come to you only when he wants you or needs pleasure for himself!

I know it will be more difficult when you have to see the guy every day — but really — this is only so challenging when you don’t love and respect yourself enough and know exactly what you want.

I’m not saying this flippantly. And it is not cliche. The day you truly CHOOSE your needs, self worth and self respect and the vision you have for your life over the crumbs this guy is giving you — your desire for him will cease and the idea of him will turn you OFF. That is the day you stop chasing after something that is not real, stop giving in, talking to him and block his number.

I fear you would rather remain on this hamster wheel of emotions — then to face your real feelings of sadness that he is not the man you need him to be, your fear of being alone or never finding anyone or whatever internal issues that need addressed. We talk a lot about emotionally unavailable men on this site. Many of us are just as closed off as evidenced by this type of behavior.

Hopefully someday soon you will grow to love your self wholly and only accept a real and authentic relationship if that is what you truly desire. If you just want casual — he’s your man.

Rachael,
He doesn’t have to commit… He has You no strings attached.