He feels suffocated. I don't know what to do.

I have to clarify that I was upset because we were talking something important and he took 2 hours to reply, and he was posting on facebook, so he was free…

We were talking about our own relation. We had some arguments lately, over not very important things, and I was trying to fix everything.

Now I’m thinking that it might be the reason why I’m suffocating him, guys seens to forget fights very quickly. Probably he was sick and tired of read me talking about it.

But when I saw he was on his social media, yet took 2 hours to reply I thought he is not even trying to fix things…

What do you think of his words? I think he was unnecesary harh maybe….he even invited me to end the relation.

I understand that I was a pain in the ass complaining, but he is also partly responsible of our fights. Those I was talking about. And it was bothering him so much.

Anyway, it’s clear by his words that he is tired and feels suffocated, he didn’t talk since thursday and if he was feeling ok about us he would. so question is, is this fixable? Or at this point there is not much to do…

Now I’m worried if he will go MIA on me. He did that with his ex when he got tired of her.

Thanks girls. I don’t know what else to say, when we are good it’s great.

I always complained too much, I admit, in the beginning he wouldn’t mind it, he was always very afraid to lose me, but lately if I complain he reacts like he did the other day.

My biggest fear right now it is if he is completely tired. I remember we talked about his previous relation and he went MIA on her because he said one day he just woke up and thought he was trully tired of her. And that he thought he would be better without her. She contacted him few weeks later and he never replied. As he is always so nice with me I was so surprised he could act that way.

I’m waiting for him to contact me and it is hard, because I don’t feel at my best. I went thorugh a lot last few months , including the death of a close person. I’m still trying to recover from all that and the last thing I need is another thing hurting me. But as he said he feels suffocated I can’t text him. I need to give him space and wait. I hope he won’t make me wait too much though.

A guy who would leave his girlfriend the way he did is not a nice guy. A decent guy would have the courtesy to break up with her, and he couldn’t be bothered simply because he was “tired of her”. This guy is heartless, and frankly if you stay with him you are going to be in for a heart break. If a guy is bold enough to admit that he ghosted on a long term girlfriend for no good reason, you should have never dated him.

My guess is that when he says he feels suffocated, its been stacking up already for a while. And basically you are describing a relationship where you are complaining, maybe leaning too much on him for moral support, a few arguments you wanted to fix. Maybe you both need a break.
When it comes to the gone awol to fb: a guy isnt obliged to answer you just because he is on and free to message. Its his time, not yours. And in this case, i do think he took a break to breathe. Guys do that, mine too if im being difficult for him (not im my mind). I did long distance for a while and we did agree not to leave each other hanging in a convo. But for the rest, i never cared when he would answer or contact me. You need to give each other some space.
All in all, it sounds to me the relationship is going downhill for several reasons (im not putting it all on you but i cant judge him since i know nothing about him). I really think you need to take a break or not talk about issues for a few weeks

“I always complained too much, I admit, in the beginning he wouldn’t mind it, he was always very afraid to lose me, but lately if I complain he reacts like he did the other day.”

If you were starting out in the relationship complaining, of course he’s going to feel unappreciated by you after 2 years!. I would, I mean yes in the beginning it’s tolerated cause it’s normal to ask and inquire why a person does what they do because you want to know what you’re getting into. By now if he hasn’t changed, he’s not going to and after 2 years of being together you both have put up with this from each other.His way of communication is not going to change, his behavior is not going to change, either accept him for it or just know that when he’s silent or seems distracted it’s not that he doesn’t care. If after 2 years of my s/o nagging and complaining about me I’d start to get self doubt and not feel appreciated either. Sheesh. He’s a grown man, let him do what he wants and you do what you want. Stop having convo’s over text. He may not want to talk about things right at that moment and he may need some time to wind down from a fight/argument or long day at work so let him. They always come back to you with full attention. At least mine does.

I’m not saying you’re all in the wrong and it’s all your fault but as women, we need to inspire them and sort of guide them to know how to treat us, some men are better at it than others, some need more nudging (not hints actual actions from you). Learn how to use feeling vs targeting words when you communicate. He’s used to you complaining, so when there’s tention of course all he’s going to think is “oh no, she’s going to yell at me.” It’s like a child when you know you did something wrong and you’re gonna lectured over something stupid. You know?

He needs to reconsider if he wants to be in a relationship too, being in a relationship takes 2 to make it work, he needs to find a way to respect your feelings and the fact that you want his attention and he feels he can do whatever at his own will is not cool of him. Not sure how old he is but that’s a real immature thing to do. Not sure what the fight was over but if it’s not destructive in the relationship then let it be, just be careful choose your battles wisely.

Thanks girls. I’m having a bad day and I needed to vent somewhere.

I’ll try to answer everything. I have to say in the beginning he was much more into me than other way round, maybe that’s why I never cared about overcomplaining. Whenever I complain anyway he would try to fix anything that was bothering me pretty fast. He was trully attentive. I remember also during our first year together I would get a lot of his attention. He is out half the time like I said, and he would be telling me his every move (I didn’t need that). But I felt he needed us to stay in touch a lot.

That’s why I was surprised that now he leaves me hanging in conversations often, even when he is doing nothing at all. It didn’t happen only the facebook day, it happens pretty often lately.

I forgot to say he also told me that I act like a 14 years old. It was very hard for me to hear all that, specially what I wrote in the OP where I posted his words.
Considering the fact that he knows everything I went through last couple of months, I think I didn’t deserve those words, he could tell me he feels suffocated in a less harsh way.

But when I asked him if he wants to break he said of course no.

I’ll have to wait and see how he acts in person and how this goes, but I’m trully worried about him not contacting me anymore. He never acted with me this way. But I know he did it with the ex. If he could finish a 4 years story by non talking, why not this time? I trully hope even if he just wants a break he will make me know. Wait is trully hard.

Am I the only one who feels women are often waiting? It’s much more hard for us than for them. It is well seen that men take the initiative, so they can call or text when they want, while if we do the same , we look desperate. So here I am, waiting, who knows for how long….

I’m starting to get a picture. You complained a lot for most of the relationship, and now he is just about over it.

What behavior have you exhibited that would prompt him to say you act like a 14 year old?

You two aren’t suited for each other. You are who you are. He’s not going to change. & the fact he ghosted his ex without a word really shows his true character (or lackthereof) sounds to me like you two should go your separate ways. I get you love him but it appears you two are not compatible & that he’s not such a nice guy.

It sounds like you are creating drama as a means of receiving validation, as you state you have been doing this since the beginning.

I’ll tell you how I see it..
You’re insecure and being a nag.

He probably just blew up…the fb deal was the straw that broke the camels back.

Stop it.. count to 30 before you say something