He feels suffocated. I don't know what to do.

Girls, I know very well he is not acting cool at the moment. But if I leave now I’ll feel guilty, I think I was a pain in the ass complaining and he got a bit tired. I want to act nice on my side and see what happens, if nothing changes then I can leave it thinking I did all that was posible. If I end it now, I’m going to feel it was my fault.

And yeah I can tell the lack of interest, sometimes if we are talking and his friends are talking too, he ignores me a lot. He leaves me hanging in the conversation lots of times. And yeah even went to sleep while we were talking and didn’t bother to tell me.

Yesterday , after 3 days, he contacted me, very late at night, he knows very well that I’m sleeping at that hour. I think he did it because he didn’t feel talking but in the same time he didn’t want me to be mad. I replied this morning , and though I was replying I feel like if I was iniciating. Because his message was pretty short, no answer was really required and he sent it when he knew I wouldn’t answer.

Ella, I went through so many bad things lately that I feel I have no patience, so I’ll try to count to 30 when he acts in a way that I don’t like. I have one good thing, this week from wednesday to friday I have a travel myself and I’ll be very busy and in a different city so hopefully I’ll be able to rest my mind a little bit and feel more fresh.

I’m with southern Belle. There are a lot of issues here. The question is do you really want to be with him? Does he make you happy at the minimum 80% of the time? Because I’m not sure he makes you happy and you don’t seem to even know. Stop worrying about his feelings and start thinking about yours.

One question girls, why do you have such a bad picture of him? By the way he is acting with me or the way he acted with the ex?

I know he is not acting cool these days, but in person is different, it is kinda a text problem we are having. And considering that half of the month we are separated it can be an issue.

In person everything is good. We don’t have any other problem than that. Of course I don’t like how he acted with his ex. But even himself admit he was a jerk.

Of course it does get on my nerves being talking and that he leaves me hanging…but it’s hard to end it because when we are together everything is good.

Ella, we sometimess text instead of calling because often we talk at night and I really have very very little privacy where I live. So can’t really keep it brief, but I’ll definitely try not to complain. Next time he leaves me hanging I might ignore him or whatever instead of complain.

I’m going to go against the grain here, I don’t think he’s an awful person (apart from the way he left his ex, that would bother me a lot). I think he does feel like maybe you’ve been very demanding of his time, and I’m afraid if my partner told me I should be answering him instead of being on Facebook, he’d get short shrift from me too! This would feel for me that whenever I was not busy doing something important, I should be talking to him! Maybe he was posting to Facebook while considering his reply to you. As for going to bed without telling you, maybe he was already lying in bed texting you and he accidentally nodded off, I’ve done that loads of times, (I’ve even dropped off while trying to type my reply, and dropped the phone on my face!) That’s totally different to going to the bathroom, getting ready for bed and putting the phone down with the conscious decision to go to sleep and not respond anymore.

I do think that what the pp said about distracting yourself in between replies is a good idea, text him your reply then put your phone down and do something, then check later on. Also I reiterate what the ladies have already said- these relationships conversations shoukd really be in person or over the phone, texts are so easily misconstrued

Any updates Alli

I agree with Ashley and Nat on this one. After two years,you guys have incompatible ways of communicating and incompatible needs it’s likely not going to change. You’re partly in a distance relationship and he feels suffocated? We all feel a little needy at some point, and sorry, after two years, your guy should know enough about you that feeling the need to be heard is important. Little things like not spacing out in the middle of a conversation…once in a while we all do it, but if it becomes a pattern, to me that’s not a good sign and it does become disrespectful. It takes so little for most men to make a woman feel heard. Given this guy’s history, and having been with you for two years, I doubt he’s going to get it.

I’m not putting the blame all on him, it takes two to tango and I absolutely understand that men need space. But at times I get a little pissed in reading these forums. We get this pounded into our heads, with admonitions about being ‘too needy’, and giving a guy space, which is great advice, but how often is the pressure on guys to get that women generally need to feel they are being heard, and them getting a clue as to figuring out how to do that? I agree, don’t contact him, give him all the space he wants. Communicate your needs in a way that is assertive but not passive aggressive. Be prepared to walk away. 29 goes by fast, and there’s no use spending another minute with each other if you don’t know how to communicate with each other on simple things at this point.