He finally contacted me 6 weeks after ghosting

Hi Lisa,

Just curious ….did you have a specific question? Or just need to vent/get support? (Both are totally legitimate!) :-)

I didn’t see the earlier post so I’m not sure what the situation was or what kind of connection you had with this guy before he disappeared ….

IF this happens again with a guy, there are ways to handle it that allow him to apologize for disappearing and open the door to exploring the relationship again….

Sounds like he was testing the waters to see where you were at……and when you were clearly still PISSED at him he got defensive and then blamed the whole thing on the wine……

WHO KNOWS if he just contacted you out of curiosity or because he actually wanted to explore things again……in the future IF you wanted to open the door the best way would be to be gracious, light-hearted (no blaming, questions, accusations)…..regardless of his intentions if you are confident, happy, secure and relaxed without him…..he will FEEL that and want you so much more…….and if it was just curiosity, living your best life without him is ALWAYS the best revenge :-)

If you want to repair this I think an apology is the only way…..you drove him away pretty hard-core with how angry you were…..I would just say you were surprised and that you think there was a miscommunication…..that you aren’t mad at him at all…..that you hope he’s doing well and nice to hear from him……THIS will repair your dignity and self-respect by emphasizing that he is NOT allowed to ruin your life or even your mood by his behavior ……AND if he is truly interested give him the chance to step up and pursue you again…..( and if he DOES……I would avoid questions/accusations about the past……just assume it is a completely fresh start…..trust me he KNOWS he screwed up……you can graciously convey that he needs to PROVE he has changed by keeping your distance, not initiating, and basically treating it like you’re starting over with someone you just met…..NOT investing in him until he shows that he is equally invested in you, etc…..)

But whether you want to even open that door depends on your feelings and is totally up to you,…

Hope that helps
Xoxo

Lisa, I think you were right on… good for you!

I had a similar thing happen to me as well. A guy I dated for about 2 months just completely stopped responding to me. He texted me out of the blue apologizing and I responded with a “who is this?”. The best revenge is not caring haha.

I think you were totally fine in your response. He probably did see you were a little angry still (understandably so). I think if you REALLY want to rekindle things with this guy possibly, a quick text saying “Hey I’m sorry with how I came off the other day, but I thought it was pretty clear that the reason we stopped seeing eachother is because you basically stopped contacting me.” (or something similar).

Just remember, if he did it once he might do it again though.

I have a different perspective. Why should you apologize? Or moreover open the door? I am getting less and less enamored with second chances. He could have ended it with you, he could have apologized, and instead he tries to pretend his actions and words did not mean anything. This is who this man is, believe him. This man is lazy at best. Be glad it is over. If he really wants to reconcile (which I doubt), he can man up. He knew what he was doing was nonsense, and he said it.

I suppose if you do like him, you could respond, but do not worry about being light and fun, he had his option for that before. He had his chance.

You could say “Listen, I have thought about it and no worries. The reality is I thought we had something and the way this all went down made me feel sad and disappointed. I am open to being in contact, but the reality is that I want the real deal. Please only contact me if you are in the same place, otherwise, I wish you the best”.

I would just be really REALLY honest with yourself about what the relationship was before he broke it off….WAS it real and good (not just potential or like it COULD have turned into something good)….would you have done anything different in your OWN behavior (was there any neediness/chasing going on back then that suggests YOU weren’t quite ready for a relationship then)….

to ME it sounds like his initial text “what happened to us?” COULD have been the prelude to a genuine apology and new beginning (not necessarily but a POSSIBILITY)….BUT when you flew off the handle on him he was probably like “oh shit she still hates me and this is not a good place to start over from, I’ll just pretend I was drunk so that we can pretend this never happened.” Maybe he WAS drunk and a lazyass, but maybe not….I think the ONLY way to find out is to approach the situation from a completely centered and grounded place where you have RELEASED all your anger towards him and FULLY moved on….that is the ONLY place from which you can really know if opening the door again is the right thing to do…..a second chance shouldn’t be about healing old wounds or blaming or reparations….ALL that has to be taken care of first….IF you are both in a much better place than you were six weeks ago then MAYBE you will want to be open to it….again…ONLY if you have released all your anger towards him and allow him to lead with no expectations attached to what might happen….to me I think starting over again IS the apology, or at least the beginning of it….its VERY hard for guys to apologize, at least in my experience (even or especially when they feel great remorse)….I think he MAY have been working up the courage to do so and when you were SO angry it probably seemed like there was NO chance for him so he backed off….again he MAY just be a dumbass drunkenly texting you on a sunday night for no good reason other than his own stupidity….BUT I think you have to trust your gut on this one….if you TRULY feel like there was something real there that you would like to at least open the door to….DON’T assume he wasn’t ready to apologize and make things right….but I think you BOTH have to take responsibility for how things ended in the first place IF you want to have a genuine beginning….if you can ONLY blame him and feel angry toward him for how he acted, it doesn’t seem like he would be someone you would want to be with in the first place….IF you can understand why he might have ghosted (even if it was not the most mature behavior in the world) then you are on the way to understanding and forgiveness and release and starting over again….if its reparations and repentance you are looking for from him, I don’t think second chances are such a great idea….if you are open to who he is NOW and starting over with a totally clean slate with ZERO expectations of what might happen….THEN there might be a possibility….just a thought….

Anna! You are such a G!

I definitely felt better. I spent the better part of 6 weeks being sad and hurt over it and then once I finally heard from him, that’s when I got angry. I don’t think that’s an unusual feeling for someone to feel after investing so much time and energy on a relationship. Yes, I still care. I just wish the situation were different. :/