Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › He flakes on his own plans
- This topic has 18 replies and was last updated 4 years, 3 months ago by
Newbie.
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Jin
I Met a guy that has 4 kids. The kids are under 5. He has a job as well. He always ask to come over or take me out but he never comes all the time or he won’t come as much as he asks… why keep asking if you can’t come? He will say things like “i want to try and come see you today” or “i might come see you” and sometimes he does sometimes he doesn’. He talks to me despite his flakeyness
Raven
4 children under 5 years old?!
Jin
Yes all are small children
Nat
He wants to keep you interested by saying he will come see you but he already knows he can’t keep it up. 4 kids under 5 is not a great investment. You will never be a priority. You’ll be constantly disappointed.
Jin
That’s crazy what’s the point of keeping me interested if it’s going nowhere
Raven
What’s the point of you hanging on to a flaky guy?
Eva
4 kids under 5 are a huge red flag. He doesn’t need it to go anywhere, he needs you to be ready and willing in rare moments when he does find time. He gives you crumbs so you wouldn’t drop him.
Drop him before you catch feelingsRose
…try to see you, kinda want to see you…Don’t be a Booty Call !!!! HE HAS FOUR KIDS AND A JOB…NO TIME TO SPEND WITH YOU AND NO MONEY TO SPEND ON YOU !!!! STOP SETTLING FOR BULL S***!
Jin
Haven’t had sex with him. But our dates are great. Just wanted to know if anyone dealt with this before. He does initiate majority of our conversations
Honeypie
How often have you seen each other? What’s he looking for? Do the children live with him full time? What’s hes plan around the children when he sees you? Family nearby to help him?
Jin
We don’t see each other much but he intimates texting but texting takes bare minimum effort. I don’t know if the children lives with him full time i was under the impression that he coparents with his ex i know she lives in another city
Jin
I know his ex is in a new relationship and she moved to a different city and he said he doesn’t want another guy raising his children
Newbie
I wouldnt invest too much time in this guy if he is already flaking in making plans. Like you said some texts will get you nowhere. I would politely blow him off
Nat
Honestly I’m wondering why you are thinking so much about this one.
For starters he has 4 very small children under 5 years old. Are all the kids from the same mother (quadruple?) Or are they from different moms? If they are, then think about this for a second. He was dealing with multiple women at the same time or one after the other and got them pregnant. Are you 100% on board with being a step mother to 4 infant and dealing with 2 or 4 baby mamas? Do you have kids too? Would you involve your child into this situation? These are the things you need to know about him before you start considering him, because if your goal point with him is a relationship then this is what you are signing up for.
Secondly..he has an issue with another man raising his kids yet he is okay having children with multiple women (allegedly) but he isn’t with the mother or at least make it work with one of the mothers? To me this don’t sound right.
Thirdly, you cannot count on the things he says because he doesn’t come through for you (flaky). All of this would have made me lose attraction. This man should be concentrating on getting his family in a well established healthy space first before he can be really ready to date anyone in a serious way.
Also he isn’t making himself clear to you, there are so much you do not know for someone he is supposedly taking seriously. You didn’t mention how long you’ve been interacting with him but from what I gather it can’t be very long otherwise it would be an even bigger red flag.
Ask more questions and do not be attracted to inconsistency.
Newbie
Nat how do you come up with 4 baby momma’s? Lol. I do know a couple who had two kids and then got twins. The guy couldnt handle it and broke up. He wanted to feel like a student again. At one point he started to date and met a woman who also had 4 kids. One night they were all sitting at the table, he counted all the kids and ran back to his ex. So she accepted him back as kid number 5. Well this story is more for entertaining purposes but also shows that going from 2 to 4 kids was totally overwhelming for both and to say that a divorced man with 4 young kids can be put in that situation without his consent.
Nat
Haha 😅 Newbie I’m just thinking of all possibilities of how a man can father 4 kids under 5. The kids could also be adopted etc. But the point is he has a lot on his hands with the children alone especially at their age. If I’m dating a man 1 child is already tough. I can’t imagine seeing someone who has 4 small ones. Could be the reason he is flaky with Jin as he is busy with them but that’s the whole point. X
Jin
Yeah i figures his kids play a huge role in that especially the fact that they are at the age where they can’t do anything for themselves but i feel like he shouldn’t make plans or put the option for meeting up on the table
Newbie
But i do agree with nat and her comment why you give this guy so much thought? Its an aweful prospect for a relationship that already isnt going anywhere. Move on
Newbie
This is not where you blame him for flaking but you stop engaging and move on. Thats your power so use it
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