He gave me his ex wife’s wedding ring

How did you find this out?

How vastly different are your cultures?

What is his culture?

Sally, your new husband is a cheapskate & a jerk!

I don’t want to make assumptions about your whirlwind relationship, so please tell me how you two met…

Are you sure it is the exact same ring, or just a similar style? Some cultures use only very plain wedding bands, for example, and maybe that is the tradition of his family background in spite of being American. If he recycled his ex’s actual ring instead of getting you your own, that is pretty jerky, and not something American guys tend to do unless they are cheap and thoughtless…

We can’t tell you how he feels about you or his motivations. How much time were you able to spend together in person before getting married? Do you have any plans already in motion to live in the same place soon? Would you be moving to the states with no support system except him once you arrived?

In a healthy marriage, you shouldn’t be making assumptions or guessing with a spouse, you should communicate feelings and work things out together. But he also shouldn’t have hidden something like that from you in the first place. I just hope you can trust this guy and he is who he seemed to be in the time you were talking and getting to know each other.

Some people might not care about what ring they get as it’s just jewellery but for most people the ring has sentimental value and mean a lot to them. Personally I can’t picture myself wearing another woman’s ring. Especially one from a failed marriage. Rings doesn’t have to be expensive for it to mean a lot but it has to be one chosen especially for you.

I would address this to him. Unless the ring is a family heirloom, you deserve your own ring.

Typically, if a man is passing down a family heirloom, they boast about it… “This was my Grandmother’s wedding ring. My Grandfather worked two jobs to pay for it. I would love for you to wear it as it means so much…”

“He sometimes wears his wedding ring but he immediately took off the ring after the ceremony. I want to talk to him… I am just finding the best way to talk to him.”

Oh Sally…
Is this who you really want to be married to?

Also: WHY didn’t you go Stateside with him after you two were married.

Open communication and trust are EVERYTHING in a relationship.

If I were you, I’d tell him straight that you found out and you’d like to understand why he gave you his ex’s old ring. We are only a bunch of strangers on the internet and we can all sit here and speculate and call him names all day long, but you need the truth and you need it from him.

I’d also be asking why he took off his wedding ring right after you were married. And where is his ex now and are they in any communication for any reason?

You met online, met in person in December and just got married now, in April? That’s pretty quick, what was the big rush??

I’d want to get these things straight before I upped sticks and left my home country to live with a foreign man in his country whom I just married but hardly know. This all sounds very fishy. On the off chance you need an annulment, you will spare yourself a lot of logistical headaches if you get the truth now or it’s better to undo this before you move. If this isn’t as bad as it sounds, then you need to establish that truth and honest communication are very important to you and critical to staying together long term.