He ghosted me after 5 months of dating… How do I move on?

Ugh. I’m so sorry. How awful!

Firstly, any man who would just ghost after 5 months of dating is NOT a great guy, AT ALL. That shows a man who is a coward and has very little integrity.

I doubt that makes you feel any better but hopefully it will help you remember that he isn’t the man you thought or hoped he was. This kind of man is not someone worthy of you. You deserve a man who cherishes you, respects you and who does the right thing even when it’s hard. (aka has integrity)

lots and lots of hugs. yuck. I can only imagine how much of a gaping wound this douche bag has left on your heart.

Ugh…lots and lots of hugs.

I’m sorry, I don’t have a solution. Heart break is so hard to get over but you will in due time. I’m going through one now and all we can do is put one foot over the other. Grieve and get it out of your system but don’t let it consume you and please, whatever you do, don’t ever hope he comes back. That takes up more energy than you know.

Good luck!

Yes we did have a discussions about what we both wanted the end goal was to be in a relationship

also, even if you guys were serious, and then he was deployed for months or even years which happens often, it would be so hard to deal with. all the missing and constant worry that he’s ok and safe. I don’t think I could do it, which is one thing I tell myself to convince myself this all ended for a reason and it was meant to happen. I don’t regret any of it and I had fun with him. we were meant to cross paths but it wasn’t meant to last. I’m sure we will both find someone who cares and appreciates us enough that they’ll be open and honest with you from the start and not wait for you to bring it up all the time. hang in there.

How could I ever misinterpreted as he didn’t want a relationship with me…. The things we did the things we talked about like holding my hand and kissing me in public or even mentioning taking a trip to his hometown…. Honestly I just feel like he probably thought he liked me more than he actually did

This can be the dark side of men…bailing out when you think everything is fine.

As you look back there were subtle signs that you did not pay attention to…you felt a little distance but chalked it up to a different reason rather than he was pulling out.

This guy is no loss…someone who can act for long periods of time is no gem. Feel sorry for the next girl who buys his ways…she will be hurt too.

Makes you want to put a “DANGER” sign on him….

He said it wasn’t the right time after ge ghosted and I got in touch with him to get answers… We did have discussions about what we wanted thats why this was unexpected I also had check points where I would check in on him and make sure everything was going fine… Asking him thing such as are things going ok? How do you feel about me? Am I doing anything wrong? Just to avoid this very situation yet I still ended up back at square 1

Dear April Showers,
It’s hard to accept this now but it will get easier.
You have lots and lots of questions and may never know the answers. May be even him does not know the answers or he knows but does not want to tell you the truth.
It is sad that a lot of men don’t have the courage to be honest to the women. Or just do/say whatever they can to get the women and then leave the women heart-broken.
I do believe in Karma.
Hugs.

Dear April Showers —

First I want to say I’m sorry you’re hurting. As unbelievable as it is — we all have relationships where we think everything is perfect but then find out it was basically perfect for us. Not to mention, as stated above, men rarely share when they’re beginning to have second thoughts or feel something is missing. In fact I’ve read on this site — women think,analyze and plan their way through relationships — we forget to stop and ponder how is this man making me feel!

But men do the opposite — they feel their way through a relationship. They may persist in seeing a woman despite having reservations in hopes that their feelings will change, they may even project more than they feel thinking it will actually change the doubts they are struggling with — but then when they reached a limit (every mans is different) they will cut their losses quick. This all seems very abrupt to us, even cold, when really they are not telling us where their heart is at because A — they don’t want to hurt us and B — they don’t know themselves until they know.

And just to clarify — this man did not ghost you — yes he went no contact and that was cowardly and unkind — but a true ghosting is where a person is left absolutely wondering what went wrong, not hear from the person again or have the partner gaslight them they never had a relationship in the first place. This man told you once you contacted him that he didn’t want a relationship. I know it’s incredibly painful to accept but men rarely rarely leave women because they are afraid of how much they love them or things have gotten too serious. If they are afraid it’s gotten too serious it’s becuz the are aren’t emotionally in a place to be in a relationship with anyone or becuz it’s gotten too serious with you and they do not want that.

Find someone who is not scared to be with you — that’s easy for love. You deserve that. Everyone does. Best to you

*I missed it!

I know exactly how you feel Tabitha. The same thing happened to me. I was dating this Suddenlink cable contractor, and he would come visit me about only one or two days a week. I met him in May of 2018 and we would see each other only once or twice a week for about only 3 months. He never took me out anywhere and I never been too his place. He told me he was seeing someone, and this cuban girl from Florida that lived with him was planning on moving back to Florida after her mother in cuba got her papers to move to Florida so she could go stay with her mother. He told me they slept in the same bed together but there was nothing physical. I think that is not true! Right!!!

He told me he was off Sundays, but he would never come visit me on his off day, and he never answered any of my texts or phone calls until he felt like it. He also wanted to do anal sex but I told him hell no and that I did not like that. He also told me I was a good woman and beautiful inside and out, and that he did not feel comfortable around me. I asked him why, and he stated because of his lifestyle and that he liked a lot of sex. He also smoked marijuana. He disappeared for two weeks, then came back around. Around late July of 2018 was the last time I saw him. I never heard from him again. I was told that he moved to Louisiana and found a better job. It broke my heart that he ghosted me. I do not play games with love. If I do not like you I will not waste my time being around you, and if I like you, Im with you. As an Afro American lady, I have always dated outside of my race, and this is the only black man I have ever fell in love with like this. He was different, and very charming, and we had so much in common. I was willing to give a guy of my nationality a chance but sad it did not work out. Friends and family told me to let him go and move on with my life and that this was a lesson for me that I learned in life. He was not what I thought he was, and I take full responsibility for my actions, because I was too in love with him to see all the red flags. Its sad how some men play games with love because they are not mature enough to handle decent nice women. It seems like they love trashy, dirty slutty women that would do anything with lots of men. Men love nasty dirty trifling women, but they do not respect or want a decent humble, educated woman. Well, this is a lesson for all of us decent women….get to know him well first before you fall in love. If you see red flags do not fall in love and run away quick as you can!!!

It sounds like he knew from the beginning this was all temporary, and now he’s getting emotionally distant to prepare himself to be stationed somewhere else and never see you again. This happened to me in my early twenties with an Army guy that I had fallen for. When it came time for him to leave the area, he had a choice to make: commit and take me with him, or drop me cold. He chose the latter and it hurt for a very long time. Hindsight is 20/20 and now I can see the situation for what it was: he liked me and had “needs” he wanted met for companionship and sex, but I wasn’t the One he could see himself going all in for. You have to realize a lot of military men find a new girl each place they get stationed. It was my fault for not waiting to see if he wanted me enough to pursue a commitment before I had sex and got emotionally attached. I tended to his needs, but he did not tend to mine. Please don’t make a fool of yourself by chasing. This man has made up his mind and he’s gone. Learn some lessons and move forward with your life.